Untouched
by TheNomadSoulmate
Summary: Hello. I'm Bella Swan, and i hate men. You didn't really think i'd just be 'dazzled' by you, did you? Oh, honey. I'm smarter than that." A/H AU Definitely OOC.
1. Untouched

Hello, I'm Bella Swan and I hate men.

There. I said it.

It's out in the open now.

I'm no lesbian. I've never been one for the fur burger… I don't sport two inch pit hair or burn bras either.

But I digress.

I was one of the lucky ones I guess. I didn't have to go through months and months of therapy to pinpoint the exact moment when this hatred entered my being.

I'm pretty sure the exact moment said hatred was born was when I walked into my apartment one day to find Jacob Black, boyfriend of three years, plowing into my best friend doggie style.

_Nothing like a quilt made by Nana covered in cheating asswipe spunk._

Jacob Black. That alone is good enough a reason. Not to mention my father leaving my mother when I was three. Let's forget about the countless-well sixteen actually- men who broke my mothers heart when they would sneak out at the crack of dawn after a one night stand, one of them who felt the need to rob us blind. I tend to surpress memories of Mr. Bosse the pervy English teacher who had trouble resisting the urge to keep his fucking hands to himself. Not that he got very far before I kicked him in the groin like a donkey on steroids.

And I'm sure we can forgive the horny high school boys who knew their way around my vagina like a white guy knows his way around Detroit.

Once again, I digress.

But it's time to move on. To get out of Phoenix, the town that has harvested the crop for some of the worst years of my life.

I'm 23, a strong, independent, intelligent woman.

I'm moving to L.A to live with my best friends, Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale.

That's where I will be opening my own art studio, _Bella Artiste. _

And this is a good idea.

I think.


	2. Smoking Gun

**So, let me start out with a special thanks to "Miss Heather" who was my first and only reviewer, even though I got 55 hits on the story in my first two days.**

***gives immense guilt trip and glares***

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and once again, thank you Heather, because I don't think id keep writing if I hadn't gotten at least one review!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. However, I own Femi-Nazi Bella.**_

_**__________________________________________________________________**_

It wasn't easy to leave Phoenix.

I wasn't sad, no. It wasn't emotional.

But I couldn't exactly get on the road with my mother practically clinging to my leg and making me drag her down the pathway

It didn't help.

I had everything loaded into my truck, the new c.d player Phil had installed for me was well stocked with everything from "Animal Collective" to "Nat King Cole".

I was ready for the nine-hour drive to L.A, to Rose and Alice, and to new beginnings.

'Here's to hoping it doesn't end in a fiery inferno of cheating bastards and disaster!'

Renee was sobbing now, holding me in a vice like death grip that wouldn't be pried off with the Jaws of Life.

"Mom. I love you, and I'm going to miss you, but I really, _really _have to go."

"I know honey," she sniffled, finally letting go and putting her hands on my shoulders. She was looking me in the eyes in that perceptive way only mothers can, searching for something. An answer perhaps? To see if the reason I had told her I was leaving was true?

It made me uncomfortable, and my eyes shifted away, darting nervously to the side.

"Sweetheart, I-"

"Mom." I cut her off. "I'm fine. I told you, it's just… I need to start anew. That's all."

"That's all?" She was smiling softly now, her eyes twinkling with tears.

"Yes. And I have to go now. I can't get on the road too late. Traffic, and whatnot."

I was shocked to find that my eyes were stinging and my throat was feeling as if I had a particularly large golf ball lodged in it.

Was I being emotional?

No, never.

_Yes._

"Okay mom. I love you," I called to her as I climbed into the truck, the suspicious feeling of tears that I hadn't felt since Jac- since..certain incidents, was coming back.

"Tell Phil I love him too."

My mom waved from the sidewalk as my truck roared to life and I took off down the road.

It was going to be a long drive, and to be quite frank, I was terrified. I hadn't been truly, truly alone with no distraction for a long time.

It was just me and my thoughts now. It shouldn't have scared me, but it did. I had never truly thought, in depth about what had happened with Jake.

God, it even sucked to think his name.

I had always been the girl who knew when she would be in love. I would read romance novels and sure, they were good, but I would scoff internally at the heroine who could _never make up her mind._

'It can't be that hard,' I would think, 'To know when you're in love.'

And then I found myself in the situation with Jake. It was as if all that scornful thinking caught up with me in the end.

Because, when I found Jake, I thought well, here's this guy whose absolutely great, he makes me happy, and he's not too bad in the sack.

I'm in love, right?

_Right?_

I had been pretty sure that I loved Jake, I had been pretty sure I was in love with him.

But when I walked in on him and Jessica, I realized something.

Because while I felt many things,

_Disgust, Anger, Hurt, Betrayal, Confusion._

I just didn't feel that inevitable heartbreaking, Earth shattering pain that should've come from being betrayed by the one you were in love with. I didn't feel it. I hated him sure, but not because I couldn't live without him and he had done this to me.

No, I hated him because he made me doubt myself.

Which led me to the conclusion that while I loved him, I wasn't in love with him.

_I never was._

Who knew this shit could be so confusing?

I couldn't help but have all these thoughts racing through my head as I drove onward to L.A. And while Jacob hadn't exactly been my entire life, he had been a big part of it.

And suddenly having thisgigantic revelation as I was trying to start anew was disconcerting, to say the least.

I pulled quickly into the next gas station and got out of the truck in a fury.

I was shaking, I realized with somewhat suppressed horror.

That bitch of a dog had me fucking shaking.

It was just too much, to suddenly unearth these thoughts and feelings all at once, the feelings I had been suppressing just fine until now.

How could all this be coming out as I'm trying to run away from it?

The thought made me laugh out loud.

So I finally admit I'm running _away _from something, not running _to _something.

Perfect.

I walked inside the station to get something completely unhealthy, some sort of junk food.

I paused in the drinks section, briefly considering a strawberry something or the other, definitely alcoholic.

No, no that was stupid. Drinking _while _driving? I've only got four hours to go, with my coordination and my truck, I'd take out at least seventy people.

But…it does sound awfully good….

No! No! Stupid Bella!

I literally scoffed at myself as I walked on, grabbing a Monster and a bag of chips. I stocked up on Hershey's with Almonds and walked up to the counter.

As I put my items on the counter, my eyes caught on the display of cigarettes behind the old lady ringing me up.

This was an adventure, right?

I had never tried smoking, but it was supposed to relax.

And lord knows I needed to relax.

But what kind? I'll go with what looks safest.

The woman had just finished ringing me up.

"Actually, can I get a pack of Menthol lights? And a lighter, please."

I walked outside with my things, somewhat excited with my new sense of adventure.

I knew I was probably going to cough up a black lung and I really didn't want anyone to hear my choking.

I walked around to the side of the station and fumbled while I opened my cigarettes. I took out the first little white tube and put it in my mouth. The lighter was another story.

I really didn't know how to turn on a lighter. Like, at all.

Well shit, I didn't get this far to come away with nothing. I flicked and flicked, and finally, I was so ridiculously frustrated that I cursed and flung the lighter down.

"Can I help you with that?"

turned around to see that the smooth voice with a slight twang belonged to a good looking man. He had a cowboy hat on, he was tall and lanky, and his grey eyes held a mischievous twinkle. I could see curly dirty blonde hair peeking out from his hat.

I was suddenly nervous, not because the man made me uncomfortable, but because I really did not want my first time smoking to be in front of a stranger who would probably laugh at my hacking.

"Well…" I said, somewhat nervously, "I just, it's just- eghbluh."

Oh, eloquently put Bella. Well done.

He smiled calmly and bent down to pick up the lighter.

"Lemme guess ma'am. First time smoker?"

I turned an unattractive shade of beet red and mumbled incoherently.

Well, shit. Psychic.

"I kinda guessed when you couldn't work a lighter. That's a somewhat crucial part of smoking."

He smiled again and held the lighter up.

"If you still want to try…"

I laughed a little, realizing that I probably looked a little bit more than stupid.

"No, I- I guess I don't."

He gave me an inquisitive look , cocking his head to the side.

"What I would like to know, is why you suddenly decided to take up smoking here in a gas station parking lot? Don't most people generally start early at a tween party with their inexperienced friends?"

I smiled a little and chuckled at my foolishness.

"Yeah, I.. I guess so."

"Is something wrong?" He looked confused, but also kind, like he wanted to help. This was nothing more than a kind stranger. Not a lifeline sent from God so I could figure out my sordid affairs.

I realized then that I didn't know his name.

"I'd like to know your name." I fumbled with my pack of cigarettes.

"I'm Jasper. Jasper Whitlock." he reached out his hand, and I met his with mine, shaking enthusiastically.

"I'm Bella. Bella Swan."

I looked at my phone, realizing I needed to go if I wanted to beat traffic.

"Well, it was nice to meet you Jasper. Thank you for helping me out."

He smiled again and tipped his hat.

"You're welcome Miss Swan." He handed me back my lighter and I gave him a final smile before I climbed into my truck.

As I drove away, I looked at him in my rearview mirror. He was hot. Very hot. I should've asked him for a quickie in the backseat.

I snorted to myself. Not _that _adventurous Bella.

I was actually enjoying the quiet drive, it was going quite a lot faster than I had imagined.

Muse was blaring from my CD player and I was singing along when I heard the sound of my nightmares.

The spluttering of my engine.

No. No. This can't be fucking happening. No. Shit. Shit.

My truck was finally giving out, here on the highway, thirty fucking minutes from LA and it was fucking _cold _outside.

I pulled over to the side of the road and sat there in silent disbelief as my hood started to smoke quite violently.

Only to me. This shit would only happen to me.

I mean, _come on. _New beginnings. This is what I was driving away for. A fresh start.

Is this a goddamn omen?

Well, shit. I'm fucked.

I tried to start the car again, desperately turning the key in the ignition with more and more force until finally, the key broke.

Snapped cleanly in half, just like my sanity.

I laughed out loud. One of those, I'm going to laugh hysterically because this moment is so comically fucked up that I cant do anything but giggle like a hyena on amphetamines.

I sat in my dead car with half of a key in my hand and I laughed. I chortled. I giggled. I guffawed, and ha-ha-ha'd and he-he-he'd until I was in tears.

I don't know the exact moment when it changed into hysteria.

But suddenly I wasn't banging the steering wheel out of mirth, I was banging it out of frustration, and I was crying hysterically for everything. For the three years I wasted on Jacob. Because I wasn't in love. For the doubt I now carried around with me. For the betrayal, the shot at my self esteem, the image of my best friend doing that to me.

I cried because I knew I was running away from something and it made me angry that I was being a coward. I cried because I didn't know what was going to happen in L.A and I fucking hated uncertainty.

But mostly I cried because I hadn't let myself cry in months.

When I was done, I threw the half of my key into the cup holder and sat in my seat calming down until I pulled out my cell phone.

I was beginning to think that with my luck, it wouldn't work, or it'd be dead, something equally sitcomish like that. But it was fully functional when I flipped it open and dialed Alice.

"Alice," I sighed in relief when she answered. My voice was still hoarse and I cringed at the sound.

"Bella?" she asked, and her voice instantly made me feel better. It was so musical, everything she said sounded like a song.

"Alice, my fucking car broke down. I'm thirty minutes from L.A. I'm on Highway 501."

I could tell she was suppressing a laugh, and an 'I told you so'. How many times had she told me that my shithole of a truck was going to die on me when I least expected it, only for me to reply that 'Old faithful Mauve wouldn't do that to me."

"So Mauve finally kicked the bucket?" Her wind chime laugh sounded in my ear but it sounded like a blender because of the headache that was currently developing in my ear.

"Yes. Alice. I need you to pick me up."

"Well, Bella, I'm kind of busy as of now, so I'm going to have to send my cousin."

"I don't care who you send, just make sure they get here fast." I sounded like a bitch and I knew it but this was so fucking ridiculous I couldn't help it.

"Okay Miss Bella, I need to go finish up with a client here, so just wait. I'll see you in an hour."

"Bye, Alice."

"Love you, Bell!" and she hung up. I sat in the truck, growing increasingly frustrated as I contemplated my situation.

I eyed the cigarettes sitting next to me. I could do this, dammit. I could.

I flicked the lighter, growing more and more determined.

I had never been so happy to see that tiny little flame.

I quickly pulled out a cigarette and flicked the lighter again. The little fire appeared like magic. I was nervous, sure, but it was now or never.

I inhaled quickly, too quickly.

I felt that I had somehow sucked in a rabid badger who was very quickly clawing up my lungs.

I coughed and hacked and coughed until there were tears running down my face. When I finally calmed down, I eyed the stoke warily.

Did I dare do it again?

Of course I did.

The second drag was easier, and I took it in stride. I took drag after drag until it was just the butt, which I then flicked into the street.

I hadn't anticipated how potent the relaxation would be. I felt so light headed, I was floating and stress free. It felt great, and I just laid back and enjoyed the sensation.

I decided one more couldn't hurt, so I took my time with this second cigarette.

I laid back and felt so relaxed I almost fell asleep.

"Bella?" A gruff voice asked. I looked up, startled to see a man with bronze hair, peering in. I opened the car door and his perfect nose wrinkled in distaste.

"You smell disgusting."

Aw. This was the start of a beautiful friendship.


	3. Feminist

**Here's where things get a little…interesting. ****J**

**Oh, and please excuse any typos in the last chapter. It was two in the morning. What can I say?**

**Please read and review!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own jerk off Edward.**_

_**____________________________________________________________________**_

"You smell disgusting."

Well, thank you jackass.

I gave him a once over, from the disgusted look on his face to the designer scarf around his neck.

The sad thing about this is I knew what was going to happen. Here's this guy, first thing he says to me is blunt and rude, he's very attractive, he's dressed like an Abercrombie model and I already hate him.

I'm sorry, I tend to judge a book by it's cover. Perhaps its because I'm an avid reader.

"Yeah, well I'm sorry if my _smell _doesn't quite reach your standards, pretty boy."

He smiled a cocky sort of half grin that made him look somewhat deformed. I'm sure he thought it was _charming._

"You think I'm pretty?"

"Let me rephrase that. I'm sorry if my smell doesn't reach your standards, dick head."

I really don't know why, but this kid was pissing me off. Violently. He just had that face you want to hit. And he was so god damn cocky. I could tell.

The smile melted off his face and a cold look replaced the cocky one in his eyes. Once again, I'm sure it was supposed to be menacing and mysterious. Hmmm… not quite.

"Can we get my shit loaded up? Its really cold."

"Oh, hello, I'm Edward. Of course I'll help you! No need to thank me!"

Shit, this kid needed to stop with the sarcasm That was _my _game.

"Yeah, okay Edward. I'll play along. Lets just get this over with."

I wasn't normally this rude to perfect strangers, but there was just something…

I didn't have much with me. About four duffle bags and two boxes. And my purse.

But this guy was looking at my baggage like I had the fucking cirque de so lei in my backseat.

Ah. Probably wondering how my luggage would fit in his pretentious prick pod of a car. A Volvo. And a _silver _one at that. Why doesn't he just wear a sign that says: I heart penis?

It would match with his clothing.

He actually started loading my things after the incredulous look melted off of his face. I couldn't even criticize his looks however. He was… somewhat on the sexy side.

I've always had a thing for the hair. And this kid was sporting some crazy ass sex hair. It had some kind of reddish penny thing going on. And his eyes were pretty when he wasn't trying to make them brooding and mysterious. They were a nice shade of green.

He had muscle. He was tall. Why didn't I like him?

But I already knew the answer. Cocky men pissed me off, because they reminded me of Jacob.

"Bella? I put your 'shit in the car'. Can we go?"

Impatient mother fucker.

I climbed into his gay mobile and decided I was just going to sit in silence the rest of this ride. What else could I do?

But the ass decided to pry.

"What brings you to L.A?"

"I'm planning on becoming a stripper to support my coke addiction."

He turned to look at me with wide eyes, his mouth hanging open. The jerk off believed me. Did he not know sarcasm? He certainly attempted to use it.

"Oh, wipe the disbelieving look of your face. I'm opening an art studio."

"To support your coke habit?" He smirked.

Touche, ass hole.

"No. I'm starting fresh. Leaving all that stuff behind in Phoenix." I don't even care if he thinks I do coke. Maybe he'll think I'm crazy and be afraid of me.

"But you smoke?"

I nodded, looking at him from my peripheral vision. He was looking straight ahead at the road, his brow furrowed.

Something about this kid just rubbed me the wrong way. He hadn't even done anything yet and I was on the defensive.

"Yes." Better to not go into detail about the fact that I had just started about thirty minutes ago.

He turned to look at me, and I noticed with scorn that he didn't even have to look at the road to drive perfectly. I wonder how long he had to practice so he could impress people with that particular talent?

"You know, smoking is a terrible habit. It can cause many health problems, such as cancer of the lung and mouth…."

I blocked him out after the first sentence. I wonder what room Alice was going to give me?

I would be moving in with Rose and Alice, in their five bedroom, five and a half bathroom mansion.

It was only fifteen minutes drive from my studio that I still had to set up.

Was he still talking? My god, he was still talking.

"Are you listening?" He looked slightly annoyed, and I'm sure it was because he was used to females hanging on his every word.

"No."

"Hmph."

"Listen, Surgeon General, I'm a big girl. I know what I'm getting myself into."

"It's disgusting and unladylike. You smell like a chimney."

Unladylike? Who was he to differentiate what ladylike was?

"Unladylike? Please, _Please _tell me you haven't adopted the ideals from god knows what century where a man smokes, drinks and gambles and he's a big macho _fuckoff _but if a girl shows her ankles she's a prostitute."

He looked straight at me. His eyes said, 'Yes.'

"Well, could you please, _please_," The fucker was mocking me! "tell me you haven't adopted the ideals of a carpet munching, hippie, feminist."

Ah there it is. Little Edward has a foul mouth.

And it pissed me off.

"I've known you for no more than fifteen minutes-"

"Thank God, I don't know if I could take much more." The ass hole had the nerve to interrupt me?

"You haven't seen the worst of it." I was glaring holes in the side of his stupid face.

"I don't intend to. I wouldn't want to listen to the ranting of a bra burner."

"How dare you call me a feminist. It's men like you," and I actually poked his arm, "That turn women into bra burners as you put it so intelligently!"

"Men like me?" He looked genuinely surprised, his eyes wide.

"Yes, men like you! Ass holes who think they're so hot and everyone wants them. Cocky bastards who walk around like they're the dirty shit! You don't know everything! Stop acting like you do!"

"Did you, or did you not just say that you've known me for all of fifteen minutes? And now you're informing me of all my faults?"

"They're so evident I spotted them in the first fifteen _seconds _I knew you."

"I honestly think you're being a bit harsh."

"Oh, don't make me vomit all over your personalized pea coat you homo."

He looked at me in shock. Oh yeah, douche bag. I was knocking the clothes.

"Listen here, _woman-_" he said it with such scorn I laughed.

"You hate women, you dress like the poster boy for Abercrombie, and you drive this homobile. Are you _really _going to tell me you're not gay?"

"Okay, bitch. That's enough."

It was my turn to look at him in shock.

"Did you. Did you just call me- a _bitch?"_

"This is a car. We're driving on a road. You are a bitch. These are all facts."

Oh, that was it.

"Pull over. Pull over right now!"

"And what? Leave you on the side of the road? No matter how tempting, Alice would kill me in my sleep."

"That's what I'm betting on."

He rolled his eyes and kept driving.

"I'm fucking serious, Eddy. Pull the damn car over, or ill jump out while you're moving."

I heard the faint click of the child lock.

"Did you seriously just pull the damn _child lock?_"

"Well, you're acting like a child. It seemed fitting."

God, I hate this prick.

"God, you're such a prick."

"Yeah, but I'm a hot prick."

My jaw literally dropped.

He turned to look at me and he smiled that deformed crooked smile, obviously thinking he was so intelligent.

"What? You already think I'm an arrogant, cocky, sonuvabitch. Might as well give up pretenses."

And the douche actually _winked _at me.

Well, shit. He knew how to push my buttons. Maybe I could actually have intelligent arguments with him.

"Not that it matters if I'm hot to the lesbian, right?"

Or not.


	4. Home Sweet Home

**Well, hello everyone, now that we've gotten into the dirt of the story, things will gain more speed.**

**J**

**I thank my five reviewers, lol.**

**So, read enjoy, review!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. I do own Alice's intuition.**_

_**________________________________________________________________________**_

The rest of the car ride (all five minutes of it) was spent in silence.

Although I did keep trying to resist the urge to sucker punch him in the side of his stupid, arrogant face.

I let out a sigh of relief when we pulled into the circular drive way that was Alice and Rosalie's domain.

After he had released the child lock (fucker) , I jumped out happily and made to get my things from the back.

And he was getting out.

"Listen, Eddy, it's a _bit _late to try to be chivalrous and help me with my bags isn't it? I can handle it."

"Oh no, you can get your bags yourself."

"Then why the fuck are you getting out?"

"Bella, I live here."

I seriously saw red, and I had a sudden vision of me choking Alice in the foyer.

"You. Live. _Here?" _I spat it out through my teeth.

He had a glint of amusement in his eyes. "Alice didn't tell you?"

The dirty bitch.

"The dirty bitch."

He actually laughed out loud, and I took brief notice of how annoyingly musical it sounded. Just like Alice.

Who I was going to kill in about five seconds.

I would have to make two trips to get all of my crap, so I grabbed two bags in one hand and a box in the other, teetering dangerously towards the front door, a constant stream of muttered curses flowing from between my clenched teeth.

How could the jackass live here? And why the hell had Alice failed to mention that it wouldn't be just me, her and Rose? Did she know we would clash, and she didn't want me to change my mind?

She probably had one of her 'feelings', the conniving backstabber. Damn her. Damn her.

My hands were full, and I couldn't quite knock on the rather sturdy looking door. So I kicked. And kicked. And kicked.

I heard Edward snort behind me. Of course he wasn't going to help me out. Doucher.

When the door swung open I was going for another swift kick, and the momentum of my foot not having something to stop it caused me to flop onto my back quite violently.

I lay on my back for a moment, just seething, hoping that the floor would open and swallow me. And Alice.

"Bella, please refrain from kicking the door. It's 19th century European wood."

I mumbled from my spot on the floor. I had cracked my head on the pavement rather dangerously, and my head was spinning.

Alice reached out a hand to help me up, and I took it, briefly considering snapping it like a twig.

She pulled me from the floor into an embrace, which I didn't respond to. She either didn't notice she was hugging a two by four or she didn't care.

"Oh, Bella, I've missed you so much!"

She let me go, and held me out at an arms length to look at me. She leaned in, eyes narrowed, and sniffed the air above my shoulder.

Then she promptly smacked the shit out of the back of my head.

Edward actually laughed out loud behind me and I spun around to glare at him. He had the rest of my stuff in his arms.

That was nice. Now I'll never get the smell of ass wad off of my things.

"Isabella Marie Swan! Have you been _smoking?_" I turned around sheepishly to face Alice.

Edward chuckled again.

Alice glared at him over my shoulder.

"Stop your laughing. Put Bella's things in her room."

I almost giggled when I saw Edward scampering past me into the house, my bags in his hands. All four.

Damn, he must have some serious muscle.

No, Bella! Stop that!

I was glaring after his retreating form and Alice chuckled and met my eyes. She looked at me knowingly.

"I see you've met my cousin."

"Well no fucking duh Alice, he only drove me here."

"No, you've _met _my cousin. Why do you hate him?"

She got all that from a dirty look? Shit, either I'm that obvious or Alice is just that good.

"Did the words 'you're a cocky prick' come up in conversation?"

Oh, she's really good.

I grumbled a yes and rolled my eyes.

"Oh, I did forget to mention he was living here, didn't I?"

I glared at her and she laughed her wind chime laugh.

"Bella, it's not like you're sleeping together!"

I rolled my eyes again and crossed my arms.

"Oh, stop that Bella Swan. You're just both too stubborn to get along right now. You'll see. It gets better."

"I'm sure it will Alice, you're the psychic."

She nodded solemnly and then her face broke into a grin.

"C'mon, I'll show you around."

She led me into the house and even just the foyer brightened my mood instantly. I couldn't believe I was going to be living here, it was so extravagant, and I hadn't even gone further than the entrance yet!

"Kitchen or living room first?"

But Alice knew me, she was already leading me into the Kitchen.

I stood there, just shell shocked. I could _live _in this damn Kitchen. There were different stainless steel appliances everywhere, two large marble islands were in the middle, and there were wraparound marble counters. It was huge, and even with the two mammoth counters in the middle there was plenty of space to move around freely. There were two economy dishwashers side by side, and two professional ovens stacked one on top of the other.

"Alice…this is…huge. Do you even cook?"

Alice threw her head back and laughed. "No, silly. But you do!"

"But, what about before I came?"

"We would sometimes hire professionals to cook for us."

"Oh…"

I was so excited to just…get cooking.

"What're we doing for dinner tonight?" I asked, hoping I might get a chance to break in the kitchen right.

She frowned. "I'm ordering in tonight, and we're celebrating your homecoming!"

I winced. I knew what Alice's celebrations consisted of. I was going to have _such _a goddamn hangover tomorrow.

"Besides, we're not that well stocked."

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"How bad is it?"

"It's good if you can cook with cocktail onions, ketchup and red bull."

I laughed. "You're going to have to take me grocery shopping tomorrow."

She got a weird look on her face and smiled.

"Yeah. Oh, by the way, I called Triple A. They're towing Mauve tomorrow morning."

I nodded.

"Unless someone accidentally annihilates it."

She dodged my punch lithely and walked on.

Alice led me through the rest of the house, which was really impressive. There was a small library on the third floor, and a gym. I was excited to check out the library.

The first floor was the Kitchen, dining room, one bathroom, entertainment room, and living room. I noticed how large the plasma screen was, and just how many video game systems were hooked up to it.

_God, Edward needs a life._

The second floor were all the bedrooms. She showed me each one.

"These are all pretty much the same size. Except the master bedroom. That belongs to Emmett and Rose-"

"Emmett? He's living here too? I haven't seen him in years!"

That explains the video games.

Alice smiled. "I guess I forgot to mention that too. Yes, he moved in with Rose very recently. Like maybe a month ago."

I glared at her playfully.

"You seem to be forgetting a lot lately Alice."

"I'm sorry Bella," and she gave me the eyes, "I just thought you wouldn't move in if you knew about all the testosterone here! Beside, you love Emmett. And so does Rose. And I don't think she could've gone much longer not living with him."

I smiled. Rose and Emmett had been together for what seemed like forever. Emmett was Alice's brother. He was funny, loud and larger than life. Somewhat full of himself, but I still loved him. I had known him since I had known Alice and Rose, when we were 17.

When Alice showed me my room I was floored. It was beautiful.

First I noticed my bags and boxes thrown rather haphazardly in a corner, and I grimaced. Fucking Edward Cullen.

There were two steps leading down to the main floor of my room. The carpet was light blue and it matched the white and blue comforter on my giant canopy bed. A window dominated most of the eastern wall, and a window seat was cushioned with fluffy pillows. It was the perfect place to read. There was a desk and a bookshelf on the wall opposite my bed, where there sat a rather expensive looking laptop.

A stereo system sat conspicuously in a corner. It was amazing.

I turned to Alice and almost tackled her with my enthusiasm.

"I take it you like it?"

I could only nod in amazement.

She laughed and pulled me along for the rest for the rest of the tour. She showed me her room, which was mostly pinks and purples and a lot of glitter. She only showed me the door of Edwards room, from behind which was heard what sounded like piano music.

"It's best not to go in there. He might have a hissy fit if we interrupt his concierto!"

"Does he have a _piano _in there?"

She nodded and moved on to the guest room.

The third floor had a bar/dance room, library, gym and spa. And a half bathroom.

On the roof, there was a glass dome, almost like a greenhouse that housed the Jacuzzi.

When she had finally finished, my jaw had pretty much unhinged. I mean, I knew Esme and Carlisle had money, but _shit._

And this was just for two of their children, their friends and a nephew.

Which brought me to my next question.

"Why is Edward," I spat out his name, "Living here?"

She rolled her eyes.

"What I want to know, Bella, is why you hate him so much?"

"First things first. Explain."

"It's not that his parents don't have money, if that's what you're thinking. They do."

I scowled. Damn. I thought he was a moocher.

"He's been living alone since he moved out, and his mom always worries. That's it. So after much deliberation, we decided it would be a good idea for him to live here. That's all. I mean, we had the room, and he pays rent, so…"

"So it's because his mom was worried? How old is he?"

"He's 24."

"And his mom was _worried?_"

She looked away uncomfortably.

"Yeah. He's her only child, and Aunt Elizabeth has always been fretful so.."

I nodded. Something about Alice's disposition told me she wasn't saying everything.

But now it was her turn to ask questions.

"So why do you hate him? Bella, it better be good. I mean, you've never even met him before."

"And why is that?"

"He lived in Africa for most of high school. His family lived in a small tribe, providing schooling and medical care."

Well, shit. Edward the saint. I felt a tiny bit of guilt.

"Oh."

"So, what's your good reason?"

"He's an ass."

Alice rolled her eyes at me.

"Well of course he is. He's a brooding artist. You're a brooding artist too, Bella. That's why _you're _an ass."

I couldn't even argue with that. Alice speaks the truth. Always.

I wasn't able to say I had been the little victim Edward had picked on in the car. I started it. But I was trying not to blame myself. I had my reasons.

Alice looked up at me and I don't know what she saw in my eyes that made her expression soften.

"Bella, just give him a chance. Be nice to him. Try. I know after Jake-"

"Alice, it's not about that."

I stood up quickly.

"I'm going to get ready for dinner. What time does Rose get home?"

I could tell she wasn't going to let it go. There was pity in her features.

"Bella…"

"Alice. I'm fine. I promise."

She changed the subject back to Edward.

"It's just, Edward's had a hard life, Bella. And at first he may not seem too nice, but he has reasons too. He has problems trusting people. And he doesn't really think before he speaks. But then again, neither do you."

"I know Alice." I sighed deeply. "I won't go out of my way to be rude, but there's something about him that just pisses me off." I was being totally honest with her. He may have been family, but in a way so was I.

She chuckled. "I feel that way too sometimes."

"So what time does Rose get here?"

"Her and Emmett get here in about an hour. Go get ready. And take a shower. You smell disgusting."

Oh, the family resemblance was startling.

From behind Edwards door, the piano music got slightly louder and more angry.

"Bella?" Alice called after me. She appeared in the hallway. " What the hell did you say to him exactly? He's playing Beethoven. It's not good."

I smiled at her.

She raised an eyebrow at me.

"Bella, please tell me you didn't insult the Volvo."

I nodded.

"He may never forgive you. It's his pride and joy."

I was still laughing as I walked into my room to take a shower.

________________________________________________________________________

**So, kinda a filler chapter, just letting Bella get settled in. The next one will get much better. There will be some more info on Edward.**

**J**

**Review people, review! It'll make my day!**


	5. Trying

_**Soo…your reviews make me squeal like a little girl on shrooms.**_

_**Yeah…thank you.**_

_**J**_

_**Read, Enjoy, review.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do own awkward dinner situations.**_

_**_________________________________________________________________**_

I took a long time in the shower, just enjoying the hot water after my stressful day. It was one of those times when you aren't tired physically, but your mind feels like it just had a sex marathon with Ron Jeremy.

_Ew. Ron Jeremy._

Okay, sex marathon with that guy at the gas station. What was his name?

Jasper? Yes Jasper.

Mmm, he was hot.

I reluctantly stepped out of the shower, drying off quickly and walking into my room. The beauty and comfort of it hit me full force again and I grinned.

_Oh I could definitely get used to this._

I was tempted to just put on my t-shirt and plaid pajama pants to go down to dinner, but I knew Alice would never approve.

So, with a heavy sigh I began to sift through my duffel bag for something to wear.

I picked out my bra and panties set and slipped them on quickly.

Okay, confession time.

I dressed like a trucker from Texas. Well, not that exaggerated, but my clothes were usually no where near girly unless Alice managed to Shanghai me into decency.

But I had a secret obsession with underwear.

I may not have liked looking sexy on the outside, but underneath it all…I had a fetish.

I never splurged on clothes, but take me into Victoria's Secret and I went crazy. And I mean, red lacy number crazy.

So, yeah. I mean some girls like to feel sexy and put it out there, but I just liked to feel it for myself. Besides, it adds a nice mystery to certain things.

Alice burst into the room just as I finished slipping on my skivvies.

She opened her mouth to say something but instead raised her eyebrows and smirked deviously.

"Bella…well who would've guessed?"

I blushed a deep shade of red and looked down at my matching turquoise push-up and thong. Which had sparkles on it.

"Well…" I was at a loss for words and so was Alice.

"I mean, I took you for a Hanes cotton kind of girl. Who knew?" she raised her eyebrow even higher. "Maybe there's hope for you yet."

I snatched a pillow from my bed and threw it at her, she managed to dodge it of course.

"Maybe you shouldn't barge into my room mere hours after I've moved in!"

She threw her head back and let out a loud laugh. "Yes, but if I hadn't barged in I never would've gotten this…pleasant surprise."

Before I could say anything else the door burst open again, and there stood: who else?

Edward. Who promptly planted himself there with his jaw falling open, his face getting steadily redder and redder.

"Well is this a fucking let's burst into Bella's room at inconvenient times party?!!!"

He stood in my doorway as if in shock.

I chucked a pillow at him and it hit him squarely in the face. He jumped and stammered.

"GET THE FUCK OUT YOU CREEPER!!"

He turned and almost ran down the hall. I stomped over to the door, ass cheeks jiggling, to Alice's amusement, and locked it firmly.

I glared at Alice who was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her cheeks, and her tiny frame was shaking in silent laughter.

"God, I loathe you and your family. Do you not respect privacy?"

"Not-yours," she managed to choke out.

I stood there, scantily clad, just staring at her until she calmed down.

She stood up and wiped tears off of her cheeks. "Well, I'll have to fix my makeup, but it was _so _worth it."

"Worth it? Alice, if you wanted to see me in my panties all you had to do was ask. I didn't know you swung that way." I said cooly as I grabbed a t-shirt from my bag to put on.

Alice snatched it away quickly.

"No, seeing Edward's face was priceless. I haven't seen him that embarrassed since he tripped at Christmas dinner when he was twelve and fell face first into Aunt Mable's crotch."

I gave her an inquisitive look.

"But that's a story for another time. I came up here to help you pick out something for dinner."

"Are we going out?"

"No, of course not. I told you I'm ordering in."

"So I have to get dressed why?"

She smiled devilishly at me, pointing to my practically naked form. "You could always wear that if you really want to…"

I stuck my tongue out at her and she giggled.

"No? Okay then, let me see what I'm working with."

She began to dig through my bags, frowning more and more intensely until her lips almost touched her chin.

She held up a flannel button up.

"What the fuck is this? Are you going to run off with your lesbian lover and become a lumberjack?"

I snatched it away from her and rolled my eyes.

"Why does everyone in your family think I'm gay?" I mumbled.

She looked up from the second duffle bag.

"What?"

"Nothing Alice, just dress me."

"In that case.." she grinned and ran out of my room.

Oh fuck. I shouldn't have said that.

She came back about thirty seconds later , arms full of so much clothing you wonder how her tiny self could carry them. But no one who knew her questioned her strength. Just insult anything Couture and you'd find the pixie fear.

She dropped the pile on my bed and began sifting through the clothes.

She held up a leather mini skirt.

"Alice. Are you fucking serious?"

She threw it back into the pile. "A girl can dream, Bella."

Five seconds later she threw a pair of dark wash jeans at me.

"Alice, these will never fit me!"

"Why not?"

"They're your size, aren't they? My ass wont get past-"

"Bella, they're your size, I bought them for you. And before you start complaining, this is more of a present for me than you. I won't have you leaving the house as 'Isabella, the Lesbian Lumberjack."

I hmphed and stood to slide on the jeans. They were just as tight as I expected, but they buttoned easily.

She threw a dark green top at me, made out of some gauzy material.

"Al-"

"Don't argue Bella. It's chiffon. And if you want leather, so be it."

I shut up and put the shirt on over my turquoise bra.

Alice smiled. "I'm going to miss that."

I rolled my eyes.

"Rose should be here any minute, so I'll leave you to do hair and make-up. And you _will _do hair and make-up."

She gave me a death look as she backed out the doorway.

I walked over to the vanity in my huge bathroom and brushed out my hair quickly. I blew it dry and left it wavy.

After putting on the bare essentials of make-up, I walked back into my room to slip on some shoes, surprised Alice hadn't picked any out. I had just finished the thought when I looked over to the step under my door and saw a pair of four inch green silk pumps.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

Bitch was crazy if she thought I was going to foot fuck myself.

I went to reach for my converse and realized Alice would definitely pawn my ass if I didn't at least try.

I rolled my eyes for the hundredth time that night as I stuck my feet in black patent leather flats.

And somehow, I end up in leather.

Fucking Alice.

I had just stepped out the door when I collided with a hulking figure that smelled distinctly of jack ass.

"Trying to pull a peeping tom on me again Edward?"

He snorted and shot me a look.

"If I want a show like I got earlier, Bella, I'd head to the nearest strip club."

"Bite me, ass hole."

"How much would it cost me?"

I shot daggers at him with my eyes before I turned and walked down the hall.

You promised you'd try Bella. You said you wouldn't go out of your way to be rude.

Well, he was _technically _in my way.

I made my way downstairs to find Alice setting the table.

"Can I help Al?"

She shot a withering look at my feet, and I grinned brightly back at her.

The doorbell rang.

"Go get it, it's probably the food."

I had just opened the door when a blonde bombshell flew in and hugged me tightly.

"Oh, Bella, it's been forever!"

"Rose!"

We stood in the entryway, giggling, and hugging and girl squealing for five minutes until a hulking shadow cleared his throat.

I turned and hugged him around the waist.

"Oh, Emmett I missed you!"

He chuckled throatily, "I missed you too Bells."

I stepped back to look at them. I could've sworn that Emmett had grown, but then again every time I saw him he looked bigger to me. Rose was as amazingly beautiful as always, Her golden hair reached only midback now, I suppose she cut it. She looked thinner in the face, and stress always made her thin, so I wondered what troubles she had.

I reminded myself to ask her later.

"Well, the food should be here any minute now so let's go sit down!" I said cheerily, leading them into the dining room.

Edward was sitting back in a chair, the picture of nonchalance, and I rewarded him a look of menace.

He smiled back cheekily and gave me a little wave.

I turned before I could lose control and beat the shit out of him.

The doorbell rang again, Alice ran to get the food, and Edward followed to help.

I sat down and Rose smiled at me.

"So, you and Edward seem to be getting along just dandily."

I gave her a sarcastic thumbs up just as they entered, loaded down with carryout boxes..

It smelled amazing, and I had to fight the drool as Alice set the boxes on the table.

"Best Italian in the area! I ordered one of almost everything."

I popped open a box and began shoveling Fettuccini onto my plate. Alice disappeared and came back with a bottle of red wine.

"Burgundy," she said as she poured gracious amounts into each glass. So she was definitely trying to get us drunk.

We ate and drank, making small talk, nothing serious.

"So, Alice. Are you going to be able to take me grocery shopping tomorrow?"

Alice looked around pleadingly. "Well, actually, I have to work all day tomorrow. I have client meetings from seven in the morning until eight at night."

I turned to Rosalie. "Rose?"

"I have to go into the studio early tomorrow too. I have a new age choreography class until noon."

"And after?"

"Lunch, and then another two classes."

"Emmett?"

"I'm checking out a new band demo tomorrow."

Fuck all these people and their jobs.

"Well you know," said Alice, chewing thoughtfully, "Edward could take you.."

I'd fucking walk.

"No, that's fine. I'll wait."

"Bella, the next time anyone can take you is the weekend. I was really hoping you'd be able to cook something tomorrow night."

I warily gave Alice a look. What was she playing at?

Edward spoke from the other side of the table where he'd been glowering at me all night.

"Bella doesn't like the Volvo."

I snapped my head to look at him.

"I like the Volvo just fine. I don't like the prick who drives it."

"And the prick who drives it doesn't like the voracious bitch who picks fights for no reason."

The table had gone awkwardly silent.

"It's fine Alice. I'll wait."

"Bella…"

"Alice. I'll wait."

We finished dinner in a somewhat awkward silence. It wasn't just the angry words me and Edward shot at each other. It was the tension. You couldn't cut the tension with a knife.

You'd need a fucking chainsaw.

I offered to clear dishes while everyone moved into the entertainment room for cocktails.

Alice looked like she wanted to argue, but the pleading look I gave her shut her mouth.

I took the dishes into the kitchen and began loading them into the dishwasher.

God, what was it about this kid that just…made me so snarky and bitch like.

He had that air about him, I decided. There was no other logical reason for loathing a man who I'd barely met a couple hours ago. And every time I opened my mouth to say something to him it was either a jab at him or a comeback.

Maybe it was just one of those things you can't avoid. There's always that one person you can't help but hate.

A soft voice behind me made me jump.

"I'll take you to the store, Bella."

I turned around to see Edward standing in the kitchen.

He didn't look pissy or sarcastic or condescending, he just looked like he would take me to the store. It was his way of holding his hand out to me, possibly in amends.

A peace offering, per say.

Alice probably put him up to it.

"That's fine. I'll just get my pimp to take me."

I expected a retort or a scoff, but when I turned around, he was gone.

And I felt like shit.

________________________________________________________________________

**Shit. Bella. Already fucking things up and you just got here.**

**Tsk tsk.**

**Reviews are better than coke whore Bella!**

**g**


	6. Pizza

**Okay, first things first.**

**A very special Thank you to MamaTwiFan, who actually pimped my story on Twitter, which made me dance like a maniac in my aunt's living room. **

**She actually made me very excited to update when she said her friend's were checking it out. Thank you so much, I hope you're locked on for the ride! ; )**

**Leydylaura-**

**I will be throwing some EPOV in here somewhere, it sounds fun.**

**I'm Hispanic, and I speak fluent Spanish, but I live in California. I'm visiting my family mostly all summer, and this story popped up in my head when I got here.**

**Thank you to my reviewers! You make me smile! **

**On with the story. ; )**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do, however, own Bella's vicious hangover.**_

_**________________________________________________________________________**_

After washing the dishes, I headed into the entertainment room where everyone had their respective drinks. Edward and Emmett were involved in a game of pool, and I noticed that he wasn't even looking up to give me a glare.

I needed a drink to wash down the heaping plate of guilt.

Thankfully, Rosalie had spent a year after college as a bartender, so she knew what she was doing.

I gratefully sucked down one cherry something or the other. Then another. And another.

And I think I moved onto tequila after that.

And then I don't quite remember what happened.

But I woke up in my nice, soft bed. And that was all that mattered. Until I moved my head and realized the headache I was currently nursing felt like a mallet was humping my temples.

_Oh, christ am I in for it._

A mere ten seconds after I had woken up I heard a light tapping on my door that sounded like a hoard of angry villagers trying to knock in my face.

"Bella?" I heard Alice's voice calling softly. I didn't bother to call back, I knew she'd come in anyway.

My door creaked open and I swore to myself that I was going to oil that fucking hinge if it was the _last _thing I did.

And right now it felt like it might be.

Alice, god bless her, was holding a Bloody Mary in one hand, a bottle of Advil in the other.

I sat up gingerly and reached for the pretty pills and the drink that suddenly looked like my saving grace. I took two pills and washed them down with salty drink before I spoke.

"Alice, why aren't you dying right now?" I croaked. I sounded like a horny frog.

"Because, Bella my dear, I was drinking for fun. Not to drown my guilt." She raised that perfectly shaped eyebrow at me.

"So you heard about that." I said, laying back into my fluffy pillows.

"Yes, Bella. I did."

"Whatever."

"He was trying to be nice. Trying to start fresh with you."

I looked up at her through bloodshot eyes.

"Because you put him up to it."

She rolled her eyes. "That's besides the point."

"No, Alice that's exactly the point."

She looked down at me. "Bella, you threw up on his shoes last night."

WHAT?!

"I - I- _what?!_"

"Yeah. So maybe you should be nicer."

"I-I-I fucking barfed on his- his shoes?"

"And you're lucky they weren't Italian leather or he might've started speaking in tongues."

"Oh. Oh my god."

"I mean, it's kind of funny if you think about it. One second, you were just sitting on a bar stool singing-"

"I was _singing _too? Well fuck."

"Don't worry, you sounded good. Anyway, you got this woozy look on your face and you totally looked like you were going to fall off like a dumbass," she chuckled and shook her head nostalgically. "Then Edward kind of hopped over there to stop you from falling,"

She stopped at the befuddled look on my face.

"I know, nice, right? Well he did and then you looked at him kind of confused, almost your horny look? Then your mouth opened like you were going to say something, and you just threw up. On his shoes."

The look of horror on my face must've resembled the one I had when I accidentally slapped Mike Newton on the ass in biology and got a detention.

Alice giggled. "Oh, Bella. Only you."

_Yeah. Fucking yeah. Only me._

"Well, anyway my dear, I have to head to work in a little bit, but I just wanted to let you know about that. Good way to start your day."

_Work?_

"What time is it?"

"Um… seven fifteen?"

_Fucking whore._

"God, Alice, that's cruel even for you. It's so early."

"Only time to beat a hangover," she said as she walked out the door smiling brightly and waving.

I flopped back onto my bed and groaned.

_I threw up on him. My god._

***

I rolled over groggily, _what the hell is that?_

It took me a few seconds to register that it was piano music floating into my room from across the hall.

Well, at least it didn't sound angry.

I looked at the alarm clock and realized it was almost one. Shit.

I hopped out of bed quickly, too quickly. A wave of nausea hit me like a wall and I fell back onto my bed groaning.

_Never again. Never._

Okay. Now I just needed to get into the shower. Just get to the shower. That's all.

I winced as I stood up, the headache returning full force.

_Okay, first some Advil._

I probably popped more than was entirely necessary but if I happened to kill myself in the process that was okay.

I climbed into the hot shower and moaned in happiness. This was heaven.

_You better hope you're in heaven. You fucking threw up on him!_

No! No, I refused to feel bad over this. This is the same guy who I had been shooting death glares and insults at since the moment I met him! Why should I feel bad?

And it's his fault if I think about it. I got drunk because I felt guilty about him. And they say the truth comes out when you drink. Obviously my drunk subconscious was trying to tell me that I've wanted to throw up on him since I first saw him.

_Next time I'd just have to make sure he was wearing Italian Leather._

I grinned to myself. Oh, Bella, that's an asshole move.

Yeah, it is.

I was still smiling as I hopped out of the shower and dried off. I felt marginally better, and Advil and hot showers were quickly becoming my best friends.

After haphazardly drying my hair, I slipped on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, and went to go make my bed. My stomach let out a rumble worthy of Mt. Vesuvius. What the hell are we going to eat tonight?

Well, I'm not asking him to take me to the store. I obviously have no control over my bodily functions when I'm around him. With my luck, I'll shit in his car.

I grimaced.

I looked around in my purse for a rogue twenty. I could just order pizza.

I listened at the door and noticed that the piano music had stopped. _Dear Lord, please don't let him be outside my door with an axe._

I stepped outside warily and looked around before shrugging and making my way downstairs. He was standing right by the phone of course.

God, he's not even a man anymore. I think he's made of inconveniencies.

I walked quickly into the kitchen to find a number for Dominos.

I could feel his eyes on my back and I wondered if he was going to go all BTK on me anytime soon.

After searching thoroughly in the phone book, I went to order the pizza. He was standing by the phone, arms crossed, just staring.

God, he was creepy. He seems like the type to sneak in your room while you're sleeping and think it's _romantic._

Yeesh.

I walked over to him and reached across his face to get the phone. He didn't move an inch, but now he had a weird look on his face. Perhaps he was trying to barf on _my _shoes.

Jokes on you bitch, I'm not wearing any.

I slowly dialed the number and put the receiver to my ear.

When he talked it made me jump. He was really good at doing that.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He had a nice voice, smooth like the best jazz..

No Bella! Stop that!

"I'm calling a doctor. Trying to set up a date so we can surgically remove the dildo from your ass. Although maybe you like it there."

He snatched the phone from my ear.

"Such a crude little woman." he said, shaking his head.

"Here, call this number. It's Benneti's. Order a deep dish meat lovers, and a New York style pepperoni."

I grinned. "Is the meat lovers for you?" I said innocently, batting my eyelashes.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes. If you like I can order you a twat pizza, Bella."

I scowled.

I ordered the pizzas, and when asked for the address for delivery, I was befuddled. I hadn't memorized it yet.

I told the man to hold on and turned to ask Edward for the address.

He was gone, the stealthy bastard.

I walked into the living room and he was sitting on the couch, flipping through channels, not even looking.

"Edward?" I whispered, "What's the address?"

"Gays don't know those things."

"Nonsense. Gays have an immaculate knowledge of where they are at all times."

He rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"No, really Edward. What is the address?"

He turned to look at me. "What's in it for me?"

I resisted the urge to claw at his eyes. "I'll buy you a gay porno and a new Elton John album."

He scowled and told me the address.

I repeated it to the delivery boy and he told me it would be there in thirty minutes.

I walked into the kitchen and when I turned around, Edward was standing there.

"You know Edward, you may be good at sneaking up on me but the pizza boy will be here in thirty minutes. You'll have no time to hide the body."

He looked at me in a strange way.

"You threw up on me last night."

I almost laughed out loud.

"It's the only sane reaction to have when your face is in such a close proximity."

I turned and walked into the living room. He was probably following me.

"You threw up on my shoes."

I sat down in the recliner and looked at him.

"We've established that."

"So you threw up on me, but you're still being a snarky bitch?"

I nodded slowly, eyes wide.

He ran a hand through his hair furiously.

"Is that your way of flirting? Is throwing up on people and being a jerk your way of charming the masses?"

My mouth dropped open.

"Edward," I said slowly. "That is not flirting. That is hating."

He rolled his eyes and sat down huffily.

"I was being sarcastic Bella."

"You need lessons."

He scoffed and continued flipping through channels so fast it made my head spin.

We sat in silence until the doorbell rang and he went to get the pizza.

It seemed like he was trying to be nice. Lord knows if his drunk ass threw up on me I'd castrate him.

He walked back in with the pizza, and the scent assaulted my senses. It smelled like sex. But not the bad smell, the feeling.

Mmmm.

I flipped open the top of the pizza as soon as he set it down, and I ran intot the kitchen to get a red bull. Should I get him one?

Okay, I'll be nice.

I set down the two red bulls, and he looked at me oddly.

"I don't drink red bull."

I firmly braced myself for a lesson on why they were so unhealthy, but he merely stood up and went to get a glass of water.

The first bite of pizza was amazing. I ate at least six slices. The pepperoni was pretty bomb too.

I lay on the couch, feeling like a rhino. Well, considering how I felt this morning I felt pretty fucking good right now. The red bull gave me a ridiculous caffeine high and I wanted to bounce all over the walls but I didn't think I could.

Edward was staring at me in amazement.

"I don't- I don't think I've ever seen a woman eat that much. Like, _ever._"

"That's because you're used to anorexic Barbie dolls who eat a piece of lettuce with a walnut or tangerine thrown on top so it looks like they're eating and dressing on the side."

He looked at me. "Are you bulimic?"

Of course. Every woman he knew had to be separated into two groups of eating disorders.

"No. I eat. And once it's inside of me, it stays there."

He gave me a dirty look. "Unless it's all over my shoes."

I smiled at him. "At least it wasn't your pea coat."

He rolled his eyes and grabbed the pizza boxes from the table.

"Are you finished? Or should I leave the box for you to devour?"

"I'm seriously considering it."

He rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen.

We were sitting and watching TV. now, and it was almost ridiculously awkward when a steamy sex scene came on the made for TV movie we were watching.

I got up and began to walk up the stairs to my room. Should I say thank you? He did pay for it… and it was fucking delicious.

I turned around and cleared my throat awkwardly.

"Um…thank you…for the pizza."

He nodded without tearing his eyes from the television.

I walked to my room without looking back. Well at least I tried.


	7. Confusion

**So, this is effing awesome. Thank you for supporting my story. : )**

**Your reviews make me want to throw up on Edward's shoes. In a good way, I promise.**

**So, by request from LeydyLaura, this is our first EPOV chapter. Enjoy!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do however, own bewildered Edward.**_

**____________________________________________________________________**

I really don't understand it. At all.

I mean, I'm not conceited, I'm just a realist. I'm an attractive man.

At least last time I checked.

And this woman, this- this angry self-esteem bashing beast- just _loathes _the sight of me.

I'm befuddled.

All I did was tell her she smelled disgusting. She did. I wasn't lying.

I mean, she did smell nasty! Come on!

Perhaps I shouldn't have been so blunt.

But that's besides the point. She just shot insult after insult at me, with no signs of mercy.

And this was within the first ten minutes I knew her.

And she thought I was _gay_!

Absurd! Ridiculous!

Where would she even come up with that?

_Perhaps I could tone down the designer labels…_

But besides that, there was another problem.

I was ridiculously attracted to her.

She spent most of her time either glowering or insulting me, and I couldn't hold down my erection when I was within ten feet of her.

This was beyond a dilemma.

It was just…so many things. She wasn't intimidated by me. She held her own. She was obviously witty and intelligent, and she hated me.

And I _loved _it.

God, I was sick. I must be a glutton for abuse.

_Mmm…perhaps Bella with a whip…._

No! Edward, stop that! She'd probably use it to beat you like a slave master!

_But would that be such a bad thing?_

Well fuck me. I might be a sado-masochist.

And I mean, at first the only thing that helped was imagining her in some sort of ugly, granny panties underwear set with a full bush underneath her clothes. That was the image I used the entire car ride home to keep me from pushing her face into my lap.

And then of course I had to walk in on that. Which completely ruined my tactics.

Because that picture would forever be burned in my head.

_Those shiny little panties…_

Combine knowing what was under those clothes with that dirty little mouth.

She was provocation on legs.

That dirty mouth drove me crazy. Even when she was throwing vulgar jabs about my sexuality at me It was all I could do to keep talking and not drag her up to my room and just bend her over.

I had always been the romantic, sensitive guy.

But something told me Bella didn't really like that. Something told me she was the "stolen grope in the dark" type.

I could do that.

I think perhaps part of the reason I wanted her so bad is because she didn't want me. At all. I could see it in her eyes.

And the 'hard to get' ones were just the _best._

I had women falling over me. Just begging to get in my pants. But they were so… wannabe innocent. So desperate. And they didn't eat.

Bella was everything but innocent. She was a pretty genuine bad girl.

She knew exactly what she was talking about with the tangerine- walnut- salad.

But she was so different. She wasn't a lady. She knew me up and down the second she saw me. She knew how I thought.

And she threw up on my shoes.

It pissed me off. I mean, at least I wasn't wearing the Italian leather…

_Tone down the gay, Edward._

Anyway, the bitch threw up on my shoes! And while a part of me was totally disgusted and pissed off,

Another party was hopeful.

There was absolutely no way she could hate me anymore.

I mean, she threw up on me.

She had to feel at least a tiny bit bad.

She threw up on me _after _she rudely turned down my offer to take her shopping with sarcasm.

So there had to be some humanity in her.

Right?

_Right?_

Which had me even more surprised when the next morning, she still despised me. And that irked me. A lot.

How is it possible to still be a sarcastic ass hole to someone after you throw up on them?

I mean, there had to be some law of ethics or something. Some morality concept!

I even told her that she did it, in case she didn't know. But she did know. Who was I kidding? Alice would never give up the opportunity to tell her.

So that made me hate her a little bit too. Probably not as much as she despised me, but at least I had some emotional ammo for arguments now.

I was still attracted to her, and I knew me and my hand were going to be hanging out quite a lot, but at least I could return some of the feeling she had for me.

I mean, what a cold hearted bitch. Like, really.

_Cold._

And then she had to thank me all timidly for the pizza. What the fuck?

What was _wrong _with this woman? Was she bipolar?

Maybe she really did snort coke!

The woman was infuriating! I couldn't understand her. And I had the intense desire to do so.

And to do her.

Shit.

I need to take my meds.

_____________________________________________________________________

**So, there you have it. Your first EPOV chapter.**

**I know, I know. **

**Meds?**

**For what?**

**All in due time kiddies.**

**: )**

**Reviewww!!!**


	8. Groceries

**Back to Bella, hope you liked Edward's thoughts. **

**I mean, I couldn't really have them both hate each other, we would get nowhere!**

**: )**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do own Edward saying stupid shit.**_

_**______________________________________________________________________**_

Okay. I needed to swallow my pride. And perhaps some alcohol.

I needed to go to the store. Today.

And I would have to ask Edward to take me.

I couldn't take another night of Alice's disappointed looks as she picked at her take out Chinese. It was downright depressing.

Rose and Emmett had gone to a doctor's appointment in Orange County early this morning, and I was really hoping she wasn't considering plastic surgery.

And Alice, of course, was working. Her interior designing business was big and booming, and she had long hours at work like you wouldn't believe.

I mean, the girl worked like a dog, she took me in, and I didn't even have to pay rent. The least I could do was surprise her with a home cooked meal tonight.

It was Thursday morning, and two days had passed since my Edward pizza lunch. Things had somewhat calmed down between us, and I limited my jabs at him to four or five a day. He usually responded with something good but if I dished out a particularly fiery one he would just glower.

That made me smile.

Other than that, I hadn't really said anything to him the past two days. We would shoot dirty looks at the dinner table and besides my insults that was it.

Mauve was still in the shop, so he was my only option.

I did wonder, however, why he was the only one who stayed home during the day.

I asked Alice Wednesday night, and she told me.

"He's a writer. He was writing in New York where he lived with his mother, but of course he quit when he moved here."

"His parents live in New York?"

"His mother, yes." She looked away uncomfortably.

"His mother?-" I began but Alice looked at me.

"It's not my story to tell."

I sighed. She looked very final.

"So is he looking for work?"

Alice nodded. "He's applied to a couple Newspapers and a magazine or two around here. He's actually scheduled for some interviews in two weeks I think."

I nodded. That satisfied my curiosity.

"He also plays piano at 'Blue' some nights. It's a jazz club downtown. It's kind of nice actually. I'll take you some day."

I smiled. I loved dancing. And jazz clubs were always fun. So that was pretty exciting. I may have been clumsy when I was just standing around, but dancing was another story. Alice used to tell me I should just dance wherever I go.

My mother told me my Nana was an amazing dancer. So that's where I got it from.

So here I was, Thursday morning, ready to tell Edward I needed to go to the grocery store.

This would not be hard. It wasn't a big deal. It was just the store. I could do it.

Was I _really _giving myself a pep talk to go to the store?

Yeah, I was.

I was dressed and ready to go. All I needed to do was march my ass across the hall, knock on his door and say "Bitch, we're going to the store."

That was all.

Well, I should probably say it a bit nicer than that.

I steeled my shoulders, walked into the hall and marched up to his door. Before I could panic and run away, the door opened.

And before he could say anything,

"Bitch, we're going to the store."

God damn it, _no _fucking word filter.

He raised his eyebrow in surprise.

"_Excuse _me?"

I rolled my eyes. Might as well run with it now.

"I said, we're going to the store."

He looked at me in disbelief.

"Yes master, and after I'll shine your shoes."

I looked down at my converse.

"No need, Winston. Let us proceed."

He rolled his eyes and followed me down the stairs.

That's right, ass hole. I'm your daddy.

"So, what's in it for me?"

God, this man was ridiculous.

I spoke without thinking, which was stupid, letting my sarcasm run free.

"Head."

I turned bright red as I realized what had just unwillingly slipped through my lips, but it was too late to take it back so I turned around to face him.

The look on his face made me laugh out loud. He looked like a startled gerbil.

"Kidding, Edward. Kidding. Don't take anything I say too literally."

He nodded and shook his head.

"Yeah. Um. So like I said, what's in it for me?"

"A home cooked meal and seeing Alice happy."

He nodded. "This better be damn good."

I smirked. I was confident in my cooking abilities.

"Oh, it will be."

***

He was breathing down my fucking neck in the produce aisle.

God, this fool needed to get off my _jock._

I picked up a cantaloupe and he cleared his throat behind me.

"That one isn't ripe."

I was being pretty patient considering the fact that he had been doing this to every fucking thing I had picked up since we got to the store ten minutes ago.

Everything.

Even the damn shopping cart.

"_That one has a squeaky wheel."_

I'll give you a squeaky wheel.

Ooh that sounded vaguely sexual.

"Okay, Edward," I said as I turned to face him. "show me one that _is _ripe then."

He held up a perfect cantaloupe and I grudgingly tossed it in my basket.

"Hey!" he said, "Don't bash the perfect melon!"

_I'll bash your perfect melon._

Good God, what was wrong with my mind.

I tried to hide the fact that my face was tinting red by turning around and hissing through my teeth.

"How the fuck is it possible for you to be anal about fruit!"

Unless it's a banana of course, I added as an afterthought.

Damn. I should've said that one out loud.

He he. Fruit humor.

I turned to look at him And of course the fucker wasn't listening. He was looking at the cucumbers.

"Of course you gravitate straight to the cocks- I'm sorry I meant cukes." I chuckled, before continuing on. I had been waiting to spout out _that _one since we had arrived to the store.

I heard his grunt of disapproval behind me and I giggled.

No one ever realized how sexually suggestive a grocery store could be until they came shopping with me.

This continued through the entire store. I'd pick up something, and he'd find something cheaper, better quality, more colorful, sweeter, whatever.

And then we got to the cereal aisle.

I was _very _particular about my cereal.

Ridiculously so.

So when I went to grab a box of cereal, my favorite, Fruity Pebbles, and he started to open his mouth and reach out for something "better" I karate chopped his arm in the elbow crease and took great pleasure in his little yelp of pain.

Hah. Edward _yelped._

"What was that for woman?"

"Don't fuck with the pebbles, Edward. Just don't."

"Bella," he whined. I fucking _hated _whining, " It's full of saturated fats and empty calories, and sugar-"

"Edward, they're my thighs, not yours."

I threw the box of cereal into the cart and turned to get another box. I looked back into the cart, and the douche had taken my cereal out. I could've just turned and thrown another box in the cart but that wasn't the point.

It was the moral _principle _of it.

Respect the cereal.

"Edward," I said, advancing on him, while he walked slowly backward, eyes looking for an escape like a cornered animal. "What did I say _about the cereal?_"

He stammered.

"Edward. You need to get the stick out of your ass and leave me and my Pebbles alone."

Hah. Me and my Pebbles.

_Now is not the time for dirty Bella!_

Right, Sorry.

His lips twitched. "I thought you said it was a dildo."

"It's both. Now give me my cereal."

The ass was holding it behind his back.

"N-no." he said, but his voice was shaking.

"Edward, give me my box."

"There's more boxes behind you." he said coolly, but I saw the fear in his eyes.

My eyes narrowed. I was pissed. "That is not the point and you know it."

He shrugged. So I did what I could do.

I reached out and pinched the nerve in his neck that would make the right side of his body go numb. And that shit hurt.

I guess that's something decent my dad taught me.

The box fell from his hands as his left hand flew up to cup his neck.

"What the fuck did you do?" he moaned, clutching his neck. "My body feels all…tingly."

I smirked as I reached behind him to pick up the box of cereal and throw it in the cart.

Epic Win.

"Don't fuck with my cereal."

After that, we headed to the check out counter. I threw four Hershey's bars into the cart and turned to glare at Edward.

He was opening his mouth and I held up my fingers and made a pinching motion in the air.

He shut up.

In the end the total was about two hundred and fifteen.

I paid with the food money Alice left in the jar. Her parents did not fuck around with sending her cash for sustenance.

Edward looked ready to cry when we reached the Volvo. There were about twenty five full shopping bags.

"Edward. It's just a car."

He nodded sadly and began loading things. I rolled my eyes and got in, slamming the door for measure.

He got in and glared at me.

We drove in silence.

"That shit hurt Bella."

I shrugged. "Wasn't supposed to feel good."

I noticed his cheeks tinged pink a little bit.

We drove in silence a little longer.

"Why do you hate me?" he asked. How blunt.

"I don't hate you. I despise every fiber in your being. There's a difference."

"But you barely know me. You just got here."

I looked at him. Naïve little fucker.

"Oh, I know you plenty Edward. I know you're vain and controlling. I know your ideal woman is a submissive housewife who cooks and cleans and care for kids all day and when you get home from screwing your secretary she's still ready to give you a rousing round of oral."

He scoffed and glowered at me. "So bitter towards men."

"Yes." I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Let me guess," he said sarcastically, in a tone that made me want to vomit. "Dirty cheating ex- boyfriend who left behind a woman scorned, ruining her trust in men?"

I stiffened in my seat and looked forward, my entire body burning with pain, rage and humiliation. Had Alice told him?

I turned to him and he was looking at me with the oddest expression.

I spoke softly, afraid my voice would crack. "Throw in a backstabbing best friend and daddy issues and you hit the nail right on the head."

I couldn't bear the pity in his eyes so I turned, looking out the window.

"Bella- I," I stopped him.

"Edward. Shut up." There was so much menace in my voice I didn't even feel the need to punctuate my statement with profanity.

And he shut up.


	9. Forget

**My reviewers make me want to throw a party in Edward's pants. Everyone will be coming.**

**No, he does not have an STD. MamaTwi, you made me laugh out loud like a freak. It would put a damper on things.**

**But I'm not that cruel.**

**Or am I?**

**Haha.**

**I'm spoiling my reviewers, four chapters in one day. Maybe five, who knows? I'm feeling inspired.**

**Yeah…some angstyy angst ahead.. Sorry.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own Bella's rage.**_

_**________________________________________________________________**_

As soon as we had pulled into the driveway I was jumping out the car door and running up the front steps.

I didn't stop when he called my name.

The only thing that could have stopped me at that point was the fact that the fucking door was locked.

Shit.

I stood with my forehead resting on the door, back to him. I heard his quiet footsteps crunching on the gravel behind me.

I fought the tears wanting to well up in my eyes.

Who the fuck was he to make me cry?

I felt his hand on my shoulder and the rage boiled up in me, which helped fight off the tears.

I whirled to face him.

"Don't touch me."

He looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

I hated it. I hated that he felt bad. It made me so angry.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"Don't say you're sorry Edward. Just don't."

"Listen-"

"Edward, unlock this fucking door or so help me God-"

He moved past me to unlock the door. I strode past him into the house, practically running up the stairs to my room.

I slammed the door and slid down it, my knees finally buckling.

I didn't want to cry yet. I wanted to think.

Maybe moving here wasn't such a good idea. Leaving my mom, when she'd already been left so many times before.

But she had Phil now, I told myself. She had him and he loved her. I could see it.

I needed to stop making excuses to run back home.

The only people I had ever admitted my 'daddy issues' aloud to were Rose and Alice. And that had been in high school. I didn't like talking about it with Renee, I could still see the sadness in her eyes sometimes.

And now I had told Edward. I didn't go in depth at least, but it felt wrong to use my problems as ammo. I had only said it because I wanted him to feel shittier.

And judging by the look in his eyes, it worked.

I didn't want to be mean to him. I really didn't. But he reminded me of Jacob in weird ways. Even the way he walked, the looks in his eyes sometimes. It was too familiar.

And lets be honest. Things didn't end so well with Jake.

God, when I walked in there and saw him and Jessica…

I just felt so _betrayed. _And more than that I was pissed. I was screaming at them to get the fuck out, practically throwing them out naked into the hallway.

And I'm still so angry at him. He made me doubt myself. Not only did I doubt my fucking _sanity, _because I thought I had been in love, but I doubted everything.

I didn't feel good enough anymore. Obviously if he was looking somewhere else for sex, he wasn't satisfied. And then there were the thoughts that maybe it wasn't just for sex. Maybe Jessica had things, qualities I didn't have.

I wasn't _good _enough.

I found myself questioning things I had never even thought about before. Before I had been so sure of my abilities, and of myself. But now, I'd look in the mirror and wonder if my forehead was too big, or my hair was too this, my stomach was getting bigger, my knees were awfully knobby. Maybe I wasn't as intelligent as I thought.

And I kept questioning, and then I would realize I was doubting and it would make me so fucking _furious._

Not just at Jacob, but at myself.

I felt so fucking fake. Walking around like a badass with a foul mouth when underneath it all I was a scared insecure little fucking girl with no clue what she's doing.

When had I let that fucking barrier down and allowed this man to have so much control over my feelings?

I had been sure that I was smarter. After seeing what all those idiotic fuckers had done to my mother, my father being one of them, I had been so sure that would never happen to me.

But here I was, collapsed on my floor, just wanting to sob my heart out.

And it wasn't fair to me, or to any one.

I was treating Edward like that because of something that wasn't his fault. All of these men had unknowingly, or maybe knowingly fucked my shit up.

What if I could never have a normal relationship because of them?

I mean, come on! I was in LA with my best friends, supposed to be starting anew, leaving all of those things behind, and they were still with me.

But I knew it wasn't Phoenix that was the problem. It was me.

All of those males who messed with my head had probably moved on by now, forgetting all about the things that plagued me _every damn day._

Especially Jacob. And my father, who I saw once a year at some awkward dinner or something. He didn't even go to my _graduation._

Why couldn't I move on? Why couldn't I enjoy LA, and my independence? Why were these people still plaguing me?

I'm trying to tell myself I wasn't running away. Maybe part of me was running away.

But there has to be somewhere inside of me that's running blindly _to _something too.

God, why can't I be _normal_?

Why do I have to be lying here on my pretty blue carpet sobbing like someone shot me?

Why can't I forget?

Fuck.

I just want to _forget._

_______________________________________________________________________

**So yeah, it's awful short, but I kind of had to show you that side of Bella. She's not just a bitch for no reason.**

**Although that would be fun.**

**Revieww loverrrrrs!**


	10. Beginning

**Yeah.. Last chapter kinda made me sad.**

**But my reviewers make me happy. Power to the flannel shirts and to my women who are religiously reading my rapid updates.**

**What can I say? I'm on vacation!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do own Bella's culinary talents.**_

_**___________________________________________________________________**_

Eventually the tears stopped. My eyes felt swollen and dry, and my head was pounding.

But I felt so much…lighter.

I realized it wasn't good to hold so much in because then you were pretty much a loaded gun. But I hadn't felt relief like this ever.

I sat up gingerly, realizing I had to go to the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face, and pulled my hair up into a pony tail.

I looked as awful as I felt, but not emotionally.

I just let it go. I felt sorry for myself for once. And I was beginning to think that maybe I'd be able to enjoy L.A.

I would have to tell Alice about my 'breakthrough' of sorts. She would love the fact that I finally just let myself feel pity. And I felt good.

It would be a while before I let go of the resentment towards Jacob. And I would never forgive my father. And I might never let go of my insecurities either.

But this was progress, no matter how minimal. Isn't there some program that says acceptance is the first step to recovery?

Or is that for alcoholics?

Eh. Same shit.

I looked at the clock and jumped up. I had about two hours to wow Alice with a delicious dinner.

Somewhere in the back of my head I felt a brief jolt of shock. Had I been crying for three hours?

Uh, yeah.

I ran downstairs, taking the steps two at a time, sighing in relief when Edward wasn't on the couch or in the kitchen.

I came to a sudden stop at the sight in the kitchen.

All of the food was unloaded onto the counters. All 25 bags worth. He did it by himself.

I winced, trying to swallow back the shitty feeling in my stomach.

Working with my hands helped me take my mind off of things. I was seasoning the roast when I heard soft footsteps pad into the kitchen.

"Bella?" I heard his soft voice behind me.

I didn't turn. "Hm?"

"I'm- I'm sorry." He whispered timidly.

The man must've heard me crying like a freak and thought that I was having some kind of psychotic episode.

Try, Bella. Try.

"I'm cooking Edward. Not now."

"I- I know, but-"

"Later. We can talk later."

"I feel like shit and-"

He cut off abruptly.

"Later?" The surprise in his tone didn't go unnoticed.

I nodded. I turned to put the pot roast in the oven.

He stood there quietly.

I turned to look at him, and I'm ashamed to say it, but the ice queen almost broke.

His hair was sticking up in 42 different directions, he had obviously been running his hands through it while I moaned like a wounded wildebeest in my room. He was shifting softly from foot to foot like a nervous toddler, and wringing his hands rapidly.

The look on his face was heartbreaking. It was so pure and honest, nothing fake about it.

But we still had our shit to figure out so I turned around and began chopping vegetables furiously, throwing them into the crock-pot.

"Can I help?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"What can I do?"

"Get out of my kitchen."

I winced at how bitchy that sounded.

"I mean, go watch t.v."

He didn't say anything and I turned around. He was already gone.

***

Alice walked in just as I finished cooking. I heard her squeal of delight as she undoubtedly smelled the roast and her pitter pattering heels as she ran into the kitchen and launched herself at me.

"Bella!! You cooked!"

I smiled. "Yeah."

"Edward drove you-" I saw her eyes narrow as she took in the state of my appearance. That bitch is ridiculously observant.

"Did he do something? Because I swear I'll take a crowbar and just jam it up his-"

"Alice. No."

Besides, I don't think there's any room up there.

She gave me a once over.

"You and me are going to have words. After we eat."

"Where are Rose and Emmett?"

"They're getting here later. They said to just eat without them."

I nodded.

"Will you set the table?"

She smiled and sprited away to do so.

I put the pot roast and vegetables on a serving dish and took them to the dining table. Edward was sitting down, head in hands.

When I entered he looked up.

"Can I help?"

"Could you get the potatoes? They're in the kitchen."

He jumped up at once and almost tripped over himself in his haste.

I frowned. Sucking up didn't work for me.

Alice came in with the plates and set them down, cutlery on the sides.

I looked up at her.

"Do you have any good wines?"

She grinned. "Not tonight Bella. I don't want you to throw up on _my _shoes."

I groaned and started dishing food onto plates.

Alice disappeared and came back with a pitcher of iced tea.

After everything had been served and poured, we dug in.

Edward was ridiculously quiet and he averted my eyes at all costs.

Alice made conversation, talking about her day.

When we had finished Alice politely asked Edward to do the dishes.

He nodded and began clearing things up.

She shot me a meaningful look and motioned for me to follow.

Interrogation time.

***

"Oh, Bella, I'm so happy for you." Alice squealed as she leaned in to hug me.

I had relayed the story of my afternoon to Alice, with a few tears in the process. And I felt even better than I had before.

"Yeah, and I'm trying to be more…calm towards Edward. I just.."

Alice gave me her signature look.

"Bella, he had no idea, I'm just saying. And I told you he doesn't think before he talks. It's a family trait. I'm sure you've noticed I do it too. You just think it's endearing because it's me."

I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"Yeah. I know… I'll- I'll try."

Alice squealed again and hugged me tighter.

She suddenly got very serious and sat up straight.

"And, remember, Bel, You're not the only one whose had a hard life. He has problems too.."

"Alice, will you stop being so cryptic?"

"He'll tell you when he feels it's time."

She stood and stretched. "I'm ridiculously exhausted. Thank God tomorrow's Friday. Are we going in Saturday to start setting up?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay." She kissed my forehead and made to leave. She stopped at the door, biting her lip.

"Goodnight, Bells. I just- I want you to be happy here."

I gave her a soft smile. "I think I can be Alice."

She smiled back and left the room, closing the door softly.

I turned my stereo on and sat down on my window seat. I could see the full moon from my window.

I was drifting off with a book in my lap when I heard a soft knock on my door.

"Alice?" I asked groggily.

The door opened.

"No, it's me." there stood Edward, in his pajamas.

"Can we talk?"

________________________________________________________________________

**Eh, somewhat of a cliffy.**

**Revieww women and make my day!**

**: )**

**-g**


	11. Revelations

**Ah, I love me some reviews. And my reviewers. **

**: )**

**Edward and Bella confrontation ahead! Woo!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own heated arguments.**_

_**___________________________________________________________________**_

"Can we talk?"

I yawned widely.

"Actually Edward, can we talk tomorrow morning? I'm really tired."

His shadow nodded and he backed away slowly.

"Goodnight Bella."

I didn't say anything, I just turned towards the window.

He closed the door, cutting the hall light off and leaving me in the darkness.

***

The next morning I woke suddenly. I hadn't slept much, dreams of me chasing and being chased had been keeping me tossing and turning for most of the night.

I realized with a jolt in my stomach that Edward wanted to "talk" today.

I got up and walked to the bathroom. Better to get it over with.

I showered quickly and brushed my teeth, ready to go into battle, so to speak.

I walked outside and the smell of coffee was drifting up the stairs.

Mmm.

Nice.

I entered the kitchen to see him leaning on the island, head in hands.

"Edward?" I spoke gruffly.

I was trying not to be annoyed. But every time I got around this kid my resolve dwindled and I got angry at everything.

He looked up. "Bella. You're awake. I'm glad."

He smiled, a genuine sort of look that graced his face pleasantly.

_Uh-uh-uh Bella. He's not that good._

I approached the island and he handed me a cup of coffee. Black. Just how I like it.

"You wanted to talk?"

He nodded, sighed, and faced me.

"Bella, I was an idiot yesterday,"

"Yeah."

He looked at me pleadingly.

I nodded for him to proceed.

"As I said, I was an idiot. I spoke without thinking, but I never, never would've thought that when I said that, that…well that it would have been what happened to you."

"Okay."

"But I want us to put it behind us, and try to be civil at least."

I nodded.

"Are you going to say something?"

"Something."

He gave me an annoyed look.

"Bella, listen. You've been treating me like shit since the minute you saw me for whatever stupid reason, and-"

My anger rose.

"Stupid? _Stupid _reason?"

His eyes blazed, and he rose his chin defiantly.

"Yes. Stupid. Because as far as I know, it is. I don't even know what your problem is. All I know is your boyfriend cheated on you. But just because some ass did that to you does not give you the right to go around telling everyone to 'fuck off,' or 'screw this' or 'you're gay!' Its ridiculous and I'm fucking tired of it!"

It was the most I had heard Edward Cullen say in the week that I'd known him.

"Are you?" I drawled sarcastically.

I could see his temper flare.

"Yeah. I am. Listen, Bella. _Everyone _has problems! I have problems, but I didn't decide to just be a complete douche to you when I first saw you! That was _your _choice. You fucking started it."

I was getting pretty fucking tired of the whole 'everyone has problems' bit.

So, of course bitch Bella was back in full force.

"Oh yeah? You have problems? Did your dad fucking leave you when you were three with a single mom who didn't have a clue? What's the worst of your problems, _Edward_? Your designer sweater has a wine stain in it?" I sneered.

"No, my dad 'left' me when I was eighteen. Collective Heart failure."

I stood there, mouth open, shell shocked. I didn't even want to move. I had the vague sensation that I was falling down a tunnel, and my ears were ringing.

My eyes abruptly welled up with tears, and I couldn't find words in my suddenly dry mouth.

"I- I - Edward." He was breathing hard, staring at me with darkened eyes.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered.

"Yeah. I fucking believe _that _Bella." his voice dripped with venom and he strode past me quickly. I heard him run up the stairs and slam the door to his room. Something told me this wasn't how this conversation was supposed to go.

_______________________________________________________________________

**So yeah. That either answered some of your questions, or it created more. **

**Now you know why Alice was being soooooo cryptic.**

**: )**

**reviewwww**


	12. Space

**MamaTwi- So yeah, I'll be on vacation for a month and a half still. : )**

**Okay, no more suspense!**

**Onward.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do own Humble Bella.**_

_**_________________________________________________________________**_

I was sitting in my room, staring blankly at the wall, feeling quite humbled and ridiculously stupid.

My father had left, yes. Edward's father was _dead._

I couldn't help but wince with that thought. How blatantly insensitive I had been. I mean, when has Alice _ever _been wrong? She wouldn't say he had problems if he didn't.

But still. His dad was… _gone. _And he had to live with that. And so did his mother.

Fuck, I feel like a bag of ass.

If I were him I would've bitch slapped myself across the face.

I mean, I was somewhat lucky at least. It was still early enough for a fresh start.

If he wanted to give me one.

How had he gotten the upper hand like this?

I internally rolled my eyes at myself.

Because he actually has reason to be an ass, but he's reasonable. And now that you've pushed him too far he may never want to even look at you again.

And suddenly that seemed like a very bad thing.

I took advantage of his patience, treating him like a piece of shit for nothing but my own insecurities. And he was the one with the reason.

It sucked, to say the least.

I was lost in my own thoughts for most of the rest of the morning, just wondering how I could, and if I even wanted to, fix this.

Wasn't this what I wanted? For him to leave me alone? That's why I was being such a bitch to him?

No, this isn't what I wanted.

Around 2:00 I finally got up the nerve to try to talk to him.

I knocked softly on his door.

"Edward?" I knocked a little harder.

The door swung open, mid-knock.

His eyes were hardened in annoyance, his jaw set tensely.

"What, Bella? Come to criticize my dead father now?" He spat.

I flinched at his tone, and his words. So bitter.

"No," I said meekly. I had no idea what to say to him now.

"Can I come in?"

"No." he said.

I looked around nervously, rubbing my arm.

"What? No witty comebacks now? No insults to throw at me? I think I've been extremely patient with your unjustified prejudices. And I'm quite sure I'm done now. I think you should just leave me alone."

He tried to slam the door in my face, but I stopped him. I could only think of one thing to say.

"Edward, I'm sorry." I put as much sincerity as I could in that one apology.

His voice got a bit softer, but it became impossibly more final.

"It's a bit late for that, Isabella."

And he closed the door in my face.

***

At dinner he ate quietly, not looking at me or anyone, not speaking. Rose, Emmett, and Alice knew something had happened, but they didn't pry. After dinner Emmett and Rose went to do dishes while I cleaned the table.

Edward disappeared quickly and somber piano music could be heard floating down the stairs.

Alice sat in her chair, sipping her wine and staring at me while I wiped down the table.

"Bella, I thought you were trying to fix things. They're obviously not fixed."

I nodded quickly and glued my eyes to the table as I cleaned.

"Bella," she sighed. "How can you possibly stir up all of this trouble in the first god damn week you've been here?"

I laughed harshly, humorlessly.

"The same way I always manage to fuck something up."

Alice's expression softened. "That's not what I meant."

"No, even if it's not what you meant, it's true. My dad left because of me. Jacob fucked my best friend because of me, obviously, and I royally shat on Edward, by being a complete cunt to him without any reason!"

My voice was getting progressively louder and Emmett and Rose emerged from the kitchen warily.

I was crying now, tears streaming down my face.

"Alice, you said he had _problems. _Why didn't you tell me? Do you even know how- how ruthless I was to him?"

I felt strong arms hug me and realized it was Emmett. I hugged him back like he was a teddy bear and he rubbed my back in soothing circles.

After a while, I had had enough of the self pity.

I pushed Emmett away, and he looked confused.

I shook my head and dried my tears.

"No. No, I don't need your sympathy. I may be fucked up," I chuckled harshly, "But, everyone has problems.

I walked upstairs to my room, finally understanding it.

_Everyone has problems._

_***_

I decided to leave Edward alone.

I gave him time to maybe forget what a bitch I was.

Maybe.

My studio was almost set up, Alice was a miracle worker, and it was looking beautiful.

The painting and carpeting was finished and I was ready to start hanging up some of my pieces. I felt somewhat guilty that I had been neglecting my painting and sculpting, but I had an idea for a new piece.

The grand opening was due for November 26, a little over a month away.

It had been three weeks since I'd said anything to Edward Cullen. We politely stayed out of each other's way, and it was the best thing I could do for him. I couldn't take back his first impression of me.

No matter how much I wanted to.

I had taken to listening by my door to his piano playing. It was beautiful, and it helped me decipher his mood, so in a way I was still keeping in touch with him.

Today, three weeks since he had even looked at me, his piano playing was sad.

Alice had the day off, and we sat down to lunch around one.

Rose and Emmett were at another doctor's appointment. Rosalie easily darted around my questions when I asked her what she had to do in Orange County so frequently.

Edward came down when we had almost finished and walked into the kitchen, to get food, I guessed. Alice watched him with sad eyes and he walked back to his room without even glancing up at us.

I was watching Alice warily as I ate my salad.

Finally, I gave into my curiosity and asked her.

"What's wrong with him?"

She smiled sadly.

"His mom called him this morning. It always gets him down. He hasn't been himself these past weeks anyway."

She looked at me pointedly and I cleared my throat.

I hadn't been myself either. I wasn't being a flaming twat.

Alice cleared her throat and grinned widely. "I'm bringing someone to dinner tomorrow night."

I raise my eyebrow and smiled.

"Anyone special?"

She shifted her eyes to the side playfully. "He has romantic possibilities…."

We squealed as much as appropriate, and it felt good to just be being girly with Alice.

I planned to cook something extra special for dinner tomorrow, and I told Alice so.

"Oh, I don't think he'll care what we eat Bella. He's not like that. He's very bare essentials. I should know. I designed his room."

"Alice!" I scolded playfully. "Aren't there rules about client fraternization?"

"Oh Bella," she said, smiling slyly. "I'm not worried about fraternization. It's fornication _I'm _after."

I smacked her playfully and made to clean up the table.

Suddenly, the front door burst open and a very excited Emmett strolled in.

"WE'VE GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN, AND I'M MAKING AN HONEST WOMAN OUT OF MY ROSIE!"

Alice and I stood in shock while Emmett grinned at us. Rosalie ran in after him, looking absolutely glowing, smiling even as she scolded him.

"Em, we said we were going to break the news _gently. Gently, _Emmett."

But she had a twinkle in her eyes that showed what she really felt. Alice ran forward and hugged Rosalie as gently as possible, as if she were a china doll.

I did the same.

"Oh, Rose, I'm so happy for you." And I was.

Everyone knew how much Rosalie really wanted children, she would be an amazing mother.

"So all the doctors appointments?" Alice asked.

"Fertilization experts."

Emmett frowned. "Not that I can't fertilize just fine. We just need a little bit of help."

I giggled and made a face.

"TMI, Em. TMI."

"So, I guess tomorrow night will be a celebration/introduction dinner?"

Alice nodded and proceeded to tell Rosalie about her mystery man.

I hadn't even thought to ask what his name was.

"Alice?" she looked up.

"Hmm?"

"What's his name?"

"Jasper." she smiled. "Jasper Whitlock."

A surprised laugh bubbled from my lips.

Alice gave me an inquisitive look.

"What?"

"Nothing", I said, shaking my head. "Nothing."

Small, small world.

Alice shrugged while her and Rose discussed the baby plans, and engagement plans, and planny plans.

I stood there, nodding and smiling occasionally, but my mind was somewhere else. It was unfair, that while everyone else was down here celebrating, Edward was upstairs alone.

I had already made my decision even before I made my way upstairs.

_______________________________________________________________________

**He he. I love cliffies.**

**: )**

**Reviewww and I'll be inspired. **

**Love you!**

**-g**


	13. Standstill

**Okay, let's get down to bidness.**

**First of all, let me thank my wonderful reviewers who make this story worthwhile, and who support me.**

**A matter of business:**

**I'm flattered, but also somewhat sad, that I've been added to people's favorites lists and alerts. There's about forty of you. And yet, I only have eight faithful reviewers, (not that you guys aren't fucking awesome, because you are.)**

**It would make my day to see how people who read my story respond to it.**

**I'm not asking for page long responses, if you can find one word that sums up the chapter, your favorite line or moment, or you have a suggestion or question, just tell me.**

**I sometimes even like to use your suggestions. What would this story be without any readers?**

**Okay. That's enough of that.**

**Onward!**

_**Disclaimer: **__**I do not own Twilight. I do own standstills.**_

_**________________________________________________________________________**_

God, Bella! You don't even have a game plan, I scolded myself.

What was I going to do, burst into his room and drag him downstairs?

Hmm, that sounds reasonable.

Okay. So I do have a game plan.

I paused outside his door. Don't lose your nerve now Bella. Just do it.

I held onto the doorknob for a fraction of a second before I opened it carefully.

"Edward?" I whispered. He appeared in my line of sight.

I noticed two things.

One, he wasn't wearing a shirt, which was good in so _many _ways that I hadn't even imagined before.

Two, he had a deep, straight, vertical scar that dominated his chest. It was long, starting just after his collar bone and trailing almost down to his navel.

I hadn't realized I was staring until he cleared his throat.

"Yes?"

"Um, uh.." Jesus, Bella, say something!

"Rose and Emmett are downstairs. They have news."

He nodded.

"I'll be right down."

I shifted my eyes away nervously and closed the door after myself. He hadn't even seemed angry that I had just barged in. I had expected a dirty look, or maybe a sarcastic remark about how I didn't know when to knock, or something equally cold like that.

But there was nothing. He didn't even seem fazed. He just…stood there. He had a look in his eyes, and now that I thought about it, it was like…defiance?

But why?

I had floated into the kitchen on my thoughts and was standing by the table, lost in the deep tresses of my mind.

"Bella?" Rosalie said tentatively. "Are you okay?"

I mentally shook myself. "Oh, yeah. Just spaced out for a minute." I smiled.

I tried to put myself into the conversation, listening to Rosalie about just how difficult it hade been to get pregnant, and when asked why they didn't want to get married first, her reason was actually quite logical.

"With Emmett just barely starting out in the music business, our marriage would probably suffer a lot. And right now was pretty much my best and only option at getting pregnant. I have to do it very young or I may never get an opportunity. And well, once we found out we were having the baby, Emmett said, fuck the plans, be my wife."

She looked at him with so much love in her eyes it made my chest hurt.

I sat down at the table. "So what do we want to eat tomorrow night?"

They all told me that whatever I made would be good, so I excused myself to go plan the menu.

As I was walking up the stairs to my room, Edward was coming out of his.

I stopped him. "Uh, Edward? I'm sorry for bursting into your room like that."

He smirked, but it looked forced. "At least I wasn't wearing glittery panties."

And he walked away down the hall.

I stood there for a minute, dumbfounded. Did this mean he was talking to me? Were we going to try to be civil now?

I didn't know how to feel about it.

And it _sucked. _

***

I laid in my bed that night looking up at the dark ceiling, briefly contemplating how the tables had turned so much.

It was bound to happen eventually, and now that it had, I couldn't say that I hated it all that much.

It was so different being the one who was trying to get someone to not hate you so much. Usually I was the hater.

I fell asleep quickly after that.

I dreamt of scars and beating hearts that night.

***

The next morning I awoke early. I had all the ingredients for the meal tonight. Alice had taken me shopping for groceries a week ago. I tried not to remember shopping with Edward.

I lay in bed for a while, and for the first time in my life, I tried to think of a good way to fix things. I wasn't one for groveling or apologies, but Edward and I lived together, and I didn't want this tension and awkwardness anymore. At least that's the reason I was telling myself. Besides, he had enough to worry about without my shit.

I wish I had known from the beginning. It was just my luck that the time I turned on the bitch throttle randomly it would be the guy who _least _deserved it.

After a while I got up and went to shower and get dressed.

I wore my comfiest sweats and tee so I could begin preparation for cooking. I was going all out tonight. Hopefully everyone liked soul food.

I know Alice does.

I made my way downstairs carefully. I wished he'd be there, but I was relieved when he wasn't.

I busied myself with prepping the glazed ham for the oven, and getting ingredients ready for garlic potatoes, macaroni and cheese casserole, corn bread , and fried chicken. I figured I'd make some greens on the side just so it wouldn't be completely unhealthy.

I had the chicken marinated, the ham in the oven, greens acookin' and macaroni boiling when I heard his soft footsteps stumble into the kitchen.

I didn't turn around, I could feel him just standing there.

He cleared his throat softly.

"Where's Rose and Emmett?"

I didn't turn.

"They're telling Rose's parents the news. They'll be back before dinner."

I don't know if I expected him to say something else, or perhaps stay, or maybe offer to help. But I heard his footsteps leave the kitchen.

I sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.

***

Rose and Emmett got home just as I put the bread in the oven. The chicken still needed frying but I figured I'd do that about fifteen minutes before Alice got here. The ham was done, the casserole was done, as were the potatoes.

They walked in looking weary, just brought down by the troubles of the world.

I looked at Rose sadly. "Didn't go well?"

Emmett shook his head. "Her Dad told me he was going to turn my Willy into a Stella."

I grimaced. Ouch.

Rose laughed bitterly. "They don't understand. They just don't get that this is all I've _ever _wanted all my life. They think I'm throwing my future away. But it's all I want. I want a life with this man here. I don't _have _a future without him." She faced him and took his hand.

I knew it was true. For all the fronts Rose put up, underneath it all she was just like me. We were both insecure and scared of what was to come.

I pulled her into an embrace. "I cooked fattening things for the baby." I said cheerfully. Rose smiled.

"It smells delicious Bells. And if there's anything that makes me feel better it's food. Especially if you cooked it." Rosalie didn't need to diet. She ate whatever and didn't care what happened. She had Emmett, and he loved her.

I resisted the urge to feel bitter.

Rose looked up at Emmett. "Let's hope your parents take it better."

Emmett's booming laugh blew through the kitchen. "Rosalie, not only do my parents love you, but they'll be happy I'm finally tied down. And they're going to be grandparents! And Esme gets to plan a wedding. What's not to be happy about?"

He lifted Rose's chin with his finger, so much tenderness in that act that I felt the need to look away.

"Besides," he said, kissing her forehead. "They're happy if I'm happy. And I'm _definitely _happy."

Rose giggled lightly and I rolled my eyes playfully, swatting them with my spatula.

"Okay, okay, you're stinking up my kitchen with love. Go set the table or something."

They scampered out of the kitchen, whispering and smiling. I knew I should be happy for them, and I was. But I couldn't help but have to fight down the jealousy that was currently taking up residence lodged in my throat. It hurt.

I busied myself with cooking.

And tried not to think about Edward.

***

We were all seated around the table waiting for Alice to get home. It was not an awkward silence for once, it was just quiet. Rose and Emmett were lost in each other, Edward looked thoughtful and I was till trying to figure out a way to salvage things, however I could.

The front door opened and Alice walked into the kitchen, chatting animatedly with the man by her side. I caught his eyes and he shot a confused look before grinning widely.

Alice introduced everyone, and I stood and gave him a hug, giggling like a schoolgirl.

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "Do you two know each other?"

He responded with his southern twang. "Very briefly."

Alice gave me a look that said 'you're explaining this later.'

I began doling out food and Rose went to the kitchen to get drinks.

The atmosphere was amicable and more comfortable than it had been in weeks.

Jasper had that effect on the table as he told us about his life. He had lived in Texas on a ranch with his rather large family, but all his life he had wanted to become a 'hot-shot' movie producer. He moved to LA when he was nineteen, and started to work with small independent films, some that were actually having some success.

I only blushed once during the entire meal when Jasper turned to me with a glint in his eyes and asked if I was "Having any luck yet?"

And then of course I remembered my lustful thoughts about him and I internally cringed.

Ouch.

Everyone finished their meals rather quickly and assured me that it was the best thing they'd ever tasted. I shooed everyone away at the end of the meal to get drinks and talk, and busied myself clearing the table. I looked up to see an extra pair of hands picking up dishes.

"It gets kind of awkward being around all the sexual tension." He whispered quietly. I nodded.

We cleaned up and washed dishes in silence and when we were finished, I found myself just staring at him. And he was staring back.

"Bella." He whispered. I could feel some kind of…promise in the word.

But I didn't have a game plan yet, and I couldn't leave all of this unresolved. It would only end up coming back full force.

So I turned around.

"We should go join them Edward."

And I walked out of the kitchen.


	14. Waiting

**Okay, moving on!**

**Once, again, thank you my faithful reviewers! I love you so much!**

**Happy Birthday Miss Bella Dazzles! The beginning of this chapter is a mini lime for those of you inpatients!**

**Surprises below, pun intended.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own sexy dreams.**_

_**________________________________________________________________**_

**EPOV**

Her lips were wrapped sinfully tight around my shaft as she moved up and down furiously, my hand tangled in her brown hair as I guided her.

She let out a long, low moan that sent a delicious vibration through my cock.

I was so close now, it was just out of reach…and then she looked up at me, brown eyes blazing into my green and it was over. I came long and hard into her mouth, as she licked and sucked me through my climax.

And then I woke up.

My hips were still thrusting into the air, and I could feel wet in my sheets.

Did I seriously, _honestly _just have a wet dream?

Oh yeah. Like a horny fourteen year old mucking through puberty.

_Fuck._

And I couldn't even honestly say this was the first time since I had met her. It wasn't the second. Or the fourth. And my shower had seen a lot of this activity also.

Shit.

I was abruptly irked with myself. I was supposed to be infuriated by this woman's very presence, how the fuck did I end up getting head in my dreams.

And I was even more pissed that I could only _get _head _inside _my head.

Fuck.

Ever since the day I had burst and told her about my dad, I realized that I had to be at least a little miffed with her. Maybe I should give her some of what she gave me.

Oh, that sounded sexual, back away, back away.

But I still couldn't help but think about her witty banter, and the grocery shopping. She was so sexually suggestive. I had to hide my boner the whole time we were in the fruit aisle.

But truth be told, even though I was angry with her, and avoiding her at all costs, I really just wanted us to be friends.

Or vicious fuck buddies.

Whichever fit.

I wanted to just break down, and say let's have a fresh start!. But that wouldn't get us anywhere. I needed her to apologize. I needed to know she was willing to try.

Because my hand _definitely _knew I was willing to try.

So I ignored her, and sometimes she'd look like she wanted to say something, but she wouldn't. And I waited. And waited.

And made a snarky remark about her panties when she walked in on me shirtless.

I was sure she'd ask what the scar was from. Positive. And I stood there, willing her to do it. To just do it.

But she shut her mouth and walked away.

And then there was dinner with that guy Jasper. And the grin she shot him.

And then his little remark about knowing him "very briefly."

All I could think is she better not have fucked him, or I'd rip the cowboy hat off his head and shove it inside of his prostate.

Which wasn't physically possible, but jealousy works wonders on physics.

She cooked like a fiend too. I found myself fantasizing about her cooking naked. Which made me sound like a fatass but I didn't care.

My piano was quickly becoming my closest acquaintance. I had been playing progressively more and more depressing music as the three Bella free weeks wore on. And then my mother called.

My piano was probably plotting a wrist slitting.

Talking to her always made me feel so…hopeless. She sounded so lonely, and at first I couldn't bear to leave her but she assured me I needed to go and do what I loved best.

In LA. A fucking million miles away from her. So every time she called me, I would make my way through the conversation struggling not to just break and fly home.

This last one was by far one of the worst.

_The phone rang in my bedroom._

_I jumped to answer it, knowing and fearing who was calling._

_And then I felt guilty for being afraid._

"_Hello?"_

_I heard her voice on the other line. Sad and weary, but interlaced with love and relief that came from talking to me._

"_Darling?" she sounded like she was smiling. "How are you?"_

"_I'm good mom. I'm doing good."_

"_That's good Edward. I'm happy." But she wasn't. The anguish in her voice was too prominent. But she was trying. And that was all that mattered._

_I spoke softly. "How are you Mom?"_

_She sighed lightly and chuckled. "I'm still breathing."_

_I winced. "Anything new?"_

"_No, darling. Just, laying around like an old woman."_

_I smiled into the phone. "You're not old mother."_

_And she wasn't. Elizabeth Cullen-Masen didn't look a day over thirty. But if you looked closely into her eyes….that was a different story._

_The conversation went on, somewhat light. I could always tell when it was coming to a close._

_Then my mother dropped the big bomb._

"_The anniversary of your father's passing next month."_

_Tears welled up in my eyes and I willed them away angrily._

"_Yeah, mom. I know."_

_This time she didn't try to hide the sadness in her voice. "Edward. I hope you're doing okay. And try to be with Alice that day dear. I don't want you to be alone."_

_But what about her? What about her always being alone?_

"_I will Mom."_

_She sighed wearily._

"_I love you, Edward."_

"_Mom," I said, because I couldn't help myself. " I'll move back if you want me to."_

_She laughed harshly._

"_No, Edward. Do what makes you happy."_

_I knew the words she wasn't saying. You be happy, because it's too late for me._

"_I love you mom."_

"_Goodnight son."_

_And she hung up. _

_I grudgingly let a few tears escape as I lay back on my bed. Then I got up and played the piano until my fingers hurt._

I waited for Bella to apologize. And I felt stupid because the first time she tried I rejected her completely.

But I knew I had to wait for her to think it through and decide she should apologize. I didn't want her apology to stem from the guilt of my father.

So I'd wait.

Last night in the kitchen I was absolutely sure she had been about to. And I said her name as a promise to let her know she could trust me.

And when she turned and walked away I was furious. But more than that I was hurt. It was unfair. Completely unfair.

And I didn't even know if I wanted to keep waiting. Because while everyone else moves on with life and finds their niche, I'm stuck here.

Waiting for Bella. Waiting for a job. Waiting for my mother to tell me to come home.

Waiting.

It's driving me insane. Even when Alice assures me that Bella does care, but she's trying to sort out her things before she attempts to start something, I'm getting more and more frustrated. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

But Alice tells me that Bella has a very hard time trusting people.

Why can't she just say sorry, I'll accept, and we have mind blowing sex?

What?

It could happen.

I rolled my eyes as I got out of bed to shower, eyeing my piano.

_I'll see you later._

I had to tell myself that eventually things would be okay, and I'd be able to get to know Bella like I wanted to. To know every part of her, and everything about her.

I would wait.

_______________________________________________________________________

**Okay, so there's some epov and a mini lime for ya..**

**Revieww kiddies!**


	15. Resolution

**Okay. Let's get these fools to figure there shit out.**

**Onward!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own resolution.**_

_**________________________________________________________________________**_

Today was the day. I hardly slept last night, because I decided it was time.

I wanted resolution. I wanted it now.

All I had to do now was just…say it.

I could do it.

I knew I could. Something told me he would forgive me easily. And then something told me it wouldn't be so easy.

I didn't know Edward as well as I thought I did. There was some unsolved mystery there. And I knew I'd find out soon enough.

But I was done being indecisive and confused. I needed to figure out my shit to truly begin to enjoy LA. My studio was opening in a month and I was starting new dammit.

So here it goes. I thought about bribing him with cookies, but decided against it.

He would not accept my apology because of culinary skills.

Rose and Emmett were still in their room, and Alice was at 'work'. Although I'm pretty sure lunch time was spent with Jasper. And after work she'd talk to him for hours on the phone.

At least someone was bound to be getting some.

But today I couldn't hold back. Last night he said my name as a promise, I'm sure of it. A promise that no matter what I had done or he had done, he'd accept my apology. So last night I set out to figure out my shit, and I decided it was simple.

I was not going to let Jacob ruin something that could be good. I was not going to let _any _man from my past fuck my shit up.

I was done living in the past. It was time to move on.

So it was with these decisions fueling me that I found myself knocking on Edward's door at eight in the morning.

He opened the door, and there he stood, in a pair of grey boxers and a white t-shirt. He rubbed his eyes sleepily.

"Bella? Is everything okay?"

He sounded so sweet and worried that I couldn't help but think that all of his 'anger' towards me in the past few weeks had been carefully practiced. Because he didn't seem to be harboring deep seated resentment when caught off guard.

"I've had a revelation." I found myself saying.

He quirked an eyebrow above his sleepy eye.

"And this revelation had to come at eight in the morning?"

I pushed my way in the door without asking. I didn't want him to say no again.

I plopped down on the cushy carpet and gazed at him.

He ran his hands through his hair making it deliciously messy.

"And your revelation?"

"I'm sorry."

I heard him exhale in surprise.

"You're what?"

"I'm sorry Edward. I'm sorry for being such a bitch for no reason. For making fun of you, and criticizing everything you do. And I'm sorry about your dad. God, when you told me-"

The look on his face cut me off abruptly. He looked furious.

"Bella, I didn't fucking tell you about my dad to guilt you into apologizing."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why'd you tell me?"

He faced me, mouth somewhat open. "Bella, I'm not trying to trick you into apologizing. If you don't want to apologize because of your own reasons, then get out."

I stared at him in shock.

"Edward, I have my own reasons."

He looked at me angrily.

"And what prompted you to come up with those reasons? Perhaps you should've realized these things before you found out about my dad. Perhaps before you got in my fucking car the first time! If I hadn't told you about my Dad, would you be apologizing now? I won't have you using excuses Bella."

I was pissed now.

"Do you really think so little of me? That it would take someone's death to make me be nice?"

He scoffed. "Oh, yes. I don't know what would make me think that. It's not like you've been treating me like shit since the first moment you saw me because of something I had no control over!" He said sarcastically.

I blanched. Man. It was true. I couldn't even argue with that.

"Edward, listen. I'm trying to say I'm sorry. Okay? I want to move on from those things. I want to forget my problems, and forget how I treated-"

He glared at me angrily. "Now you want to move on Bella? You know something? I _can't _just move on, no matter how much I want to."

He was shaking now.

And as I watched him, he whipped off his shirt quickly and threw it.

He looked at me, eyes blazing.

"My father is fucking dead. Bella. He's not coming back. He took me to Africa for most of my fucking high school years!" He laughed harshly and began pacing. "But I went happily because he was like…he was like a goddamn saint or something, wanting to help all of the children, with medicine and school! So my mom and I went. My mom went because she couldn't bear to leave him."

"And you know what pisses me off the most? He should've been bitter at God. He should've been at home, resting. He'd had heart problems all his life, countless surgeries. But he played the hand he'd been dealt so well, just wanting to help everyone else."

My eyes were widened in pity and all I could do was stare.

"We got home from Africa after my eighteenth birthday. And he died two months later. He was such a good man, Bella. So…just, pure good." He was crying now, but I didn't think he realized it.

"And he was so guilty. So guilty, because apparently, most heart problems are hereditary." He was clawing at the scar on his chest angrily. "He left me with this. His legacy to me. A fucked up heart. And I couldn't bear to see the guilt and pain in his eyes when he looked at me. He thought it was his fault." He laughed harshly. "My first open heart surgery when I was twelve. A transplant at fourteen."

And at that moment I realized that all of the anger coming out of him right now was not directed at me. It was directed at the unfairness of his life, at God, even at his father a little bit.

He was like me in so many ways. My anger wasn't at him. It was at everything _but _him.

He fell to his knees. "That's what makes me the most angry. It's not _my _heart beating in my chest Bella. When my father died, it wasn't _my _heart hurting for him."

He looked up at me helplessly. "He knew he was going to die, Bella. I'm almost sure of it. The last few months, he tried harder than ever to be an amazing Dad. But he didn't know that all that just made It harder to let him go in the end."

And his head fell into his hands as his shoulders shook in anguish. I knew in that instant that he had been waiting so long to just let it out, that he had never truly said it or thought it out loud. Especially not to anyone. And it was taking a toll on him. My issues paled in comparison to his, and I forgot about them.

I did the only thing I could do.

I stood up and crossed over to him quickly, sinking down in front of him, and I moved his arms softly, as I crawled into his lap. I held him, his head pressed against my chest as he cried.

I couldn't help but feel the warmth, and the electricity that came from touching him in this sweet, comforting way. His arms snaked around my waist, and he held me tight, like a life preserver.

In that moment my anger and annoyance, bitterness was melting away, as I held this big man in my arms while he cried.

It hit me full force then, when I realized that everyone suffered, and you had to learn to let it go and help everyone in any way you could.

I didn't realize I was crying until I saw a tear fall into the mess of bronze nuzzled against my chest.

So I decided to tell him, honestly, just as he told me.

The words fell easily from my lips.

"My father decided when I was three that he couldn't handle a child. So he ran off with his blonde secretary. Ironic that a year later they had a baby. I see him maybe once a year. He didn't even come to my graduation. I've never met my half sister. She's twenty."

I took a deep breath.

"My mom was a mess after. She still is. I can't tell you how many times I've held her like this after her nightly lover snuck out at six in the morning."

I laughed bitterly.

"And then there was Jake. I dated him for three years. I loved him…I still do. And then he just…He just fucked my best friend. I know, ridiculously cliché isn't it?"

I laughed bitterly, tearfully.

Edward looked up at me.

"You love him?"

"In a way." Then I picked up at the unasked question in Edward's tone.

"But I'm not in love with him. I never was."

He squeezed me tighter.

"We're just a couple of fucked up kids." He said, chuckling.

"Yeah. Yeah we are."

He looked into my eyes.

"But life goes on."

I looked back, smiling softly.

"It will."

"Edward. I'm sorry." And I knew it wasn't enough, but I hoped it would help.

"I am too Bella. And I know."

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**I've been planning this damn chapter forever.**

**Yay! Can anyone join me in a happy dance???**

**They're friends now!**

**And she hugged him! Woo!!!**

**Reviewwww children!!!!!!!**


	16. Tension

**Ahh!!! I hit 100 reviews!!!!! I love you guys so much!!!!!**

**As a reward, I'm getting out a chapter rapidoso!!!!**

**: )**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do own serious convos.**_

_**______________________________________________________________________**_

Afterwards, we sat and talked. Nothing too serious, I think we were both afraid to venture that far again. The air between us felt unbelievably light.

He asked me about Phoenix, and I asked him about New York.

We sat there for three hours, just doing what we should've been doing from the first moment we met each other. Just talking nicely.

And we would've done that from the beginning if it weren't for me.

Which made me feel guilty, but it made me feel even more guilty that he was just being so nice now.

I wanted to ask him about his medical condition so I eased in lightly.

"Is that why you don't drink caffeine?"

He smiled. "You noticed."

"Yeah."

He nodded. "I don't drink alcohol often either. Very, very occasionally. I take medication and I have doctor's appointments every month. And I try not to eat too much junk."

I winced.

"Like my cooking?"

"Your cooking is delicious Bella."

I don't know why I blushed but I did. Damn. I'd have to instill some more sarcasm in my conversations.

"Gays have to watch what they eat. They need to fit into their leather skinny jeans."

I grinned like a Cheshire cat. This jab wasn't laced malice, which was quite an extreme change.

"Lesbians don't. You can just buy a bigger plaid shirt."

I rolled my eyes.

"You've been talking to Alice."

"Jealous?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Extremely, I've been nursing a crush on her since I first saw her naked."

He blushed lightly and I guffawed.

"Her and Jasper are cute, aren't they?"

"You've seen them together once, Bella." He rolled his eyes.

"That's all you need to spot a good couple."

He sighed and it sounded relieved.

"What?" I said. He looked at me nervously and pointedly.

The realization made me laugh out loud.

"You think we hooked up don't you? Because I knew him?"

His denial wasn't convincing at all.

"Oh, Edward, no. Let's just say he helped me in a time of need."

He winced.

"Oh, that sounds bad." Not like you haven't had lustful thoughts about him before. I sighed and found myself telling him about the gas station, and my first smoke.

He was still laughing five minutes after I told him.

"So that's why you smelled like shit."

I glared at him and he cleared his throat.

"Sorry."

"You should be."

Eventually I heard his stomach growl loudly and I got up with a sigh, surprised to find that I was disappointed at having to end the conversation. He was an enjoyable person to talk to.

I put this away as a life lesson for myself. A very cliché life lesson.

"Let's go get some food." It was almost twelve when I began rummaging through the fridge for something to make.

Edward was sitting cross legged on the island as I pulled out the fixings for sandwiches and leftover mac and cheese.

He looked at me inquisitively.

"So have you smoked since your first cigarette?"

I shook my head and began spreading mayo on bread.

He grinned.

"Will you play a game with me?"

"If you're trying to initiate me into your Cult for pricks it won't work."

He frowned and he looked like a gerbil again.

So I told him so. "You look like a gerbil."

His eyes squinted. "What?"

"Never mind. So what's this game?"

"It's called 'firsts'-"

"Sounds kinky."

He looked at me pointedly.

I sliced cheese and leftover ham for the sandwiches.

"So how do you play?"

"It's not really a game I guess. I just ask you about different things you've done and you tell me if you've done it, and when was the first time."

I nodded. Sounded interesting.

"I get a turn for you too, right?"

He smiled. "Yup."

"Ask away."

Just as he opened his mouth to ask me something, Rose and Emmett meandered into the kitchen.

Emmett sniffed. "Something smelled good."

"I'm making _sandwiches _Emmett."

Rosalie scoffed. "The man is like a bloodhound."

"Well I do like it doggie sty-"

"EMMETT!" Rosalie and I yelled unanimously while Edward laughed.

Rosalie sat up on the counter next to Edward.

I finished making sandwiches, and I heated up the mac and cheese. I handed respective sandwiches out and everyone moaned in sweet deliciousness.

Edwards eyes suddenly widened in panic. "Shit, Bella, did you put mustard in this?"

I shook my head. I hadn't.

"I'm allergic, but…I didn't tell you that did I?"

My eyebrows furrowed. No. He hadn't. Okay…

"I put it in everyone's except yours."

That's fucking weird. My intuition was doing me good today I guess.

"Shit, some of Alice's psychic powers are rubbing off on me I guess."

We ate and talked, Rose and Emmett heading upstairs to get ready for their day.

Edward and I cleaned up, for once the silence between us amicable and not awkward.

At least until I turned around too quickly and my ass rubbed quite roughly against Edward's crotch. Which was covered by thin cloth.

The man hardened instantly, and let me just say, he was not tiny.

My mouth was watering.

I turned to look at him and he was turning bright red, the tent in his shorts quite obvious. His eyes widened as he followed my gaze downward and he hid behind the island quickly.

"Sorry." He whispered, biting his lip.

I laughed. "Is that a baseball bat you have in there or are you just happy to see me?" And I winked.

He tried to look offended but I could see the ego growing in his eyes as he thought, "Baseball bat?"

I smirked at him.

"Well, I'm going to go shower."

And probably rub one out vigorously to the thought of Edward's dick on my ass. Damn, I hadn't realized how horny I was. Or how attractive Edward was.

Until now at least. Now that we were 'friends' and I wasn't focusing on my hatred of all males, he seemed like a good candidate for a hard fu-

Jesus Bella, you just became friends today! You don't even know what his favorite color is!

I abruptly turned to Edward. "What's your favorite color?"

He smiled. "Brown."

Okay, _now _I _have _to fuck him.

Okay, no. No, not yet.

I quickly ran upstairs to take a cold shower before I could rape the poor man.

Poor unsuspecting fellow. He has no idea what a fiend I was. I already wanted to get in his pants and we had just begun talking like civilized beings after an emotional break down four hours ago.

Keep it in your pants, Cujo.

***

I got out of my _very _cold shower and dressed quickly, deciding on lacy white panties today. Nice and virginal.

I wished Edward would rip them off with his teeth.

God, I was like a ticking time bomb.

I busied myself around my room, cleaning, and then I decided to listen to music and draw for a while, just to be alone and think.

The easel Alice had given me was in the corner of my room, and I decided on charcoal today.

I wasn't paying attention to what I was drawing, just letting it flow out while I thought about life and even Edward. I missed my mom too. I decided to call her later on.

When I brought my thoughts back to my painting, I almost laughed aloud, but mostly out of confusion. I could see the edge of what looked like a mirror being developed, and what looked like a woman's left breast in the reflection.

My subconscious probably would've drawn a bronze head nestled between her naked legs if I hadn't stopped.

I put the easel in my closet and was surprised to see It was almost four. I had been doing a whole lot of nothing for two hours.

I headed downstairs to start dinner, pausing outside Edward's door to listen to his piano playing.

I found myself grinning like a fool when his music sounded happy for the first time in weeks.

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**Woooo!!!!**

**Progress people, progress.**

**Okay. Revieww if you love me.**


	17. Touched

**Okay, first off I love my reviewers.**

**Especially those who pimp me on Twitter. (MamaTwi)**

**And thank you, thank you thank you to Alma Rebelde, who wrote me some long ass reviews. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope I capture the essence right in the story.**

**OH! And if you haven't already, just make sure you check out 'Shampoos&Shaves' by flplmtree. I've only read the first three chapters, because my family hates my life, but I'm already hooked, and I just need to finish it already! : )**

**Okay, so onward to Bella and Edward amazingnesss.**

***WARNING* Horny fan girls, today is your day.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own firsts.**_

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The next week was weird and fun at the same time.

Monday, we lounged around at home, swimming in uncharted territory as we tried to get to know each other without insults. Although I couldn't help but sneak In a few homo jokes when he told me he took three years of Ballet.

Which led to him asking me if I had take woodshop.

Jack ass.

On Tuesday, we were more comfortable with each other and Edward accompanied me to clean up the studio. He seemed to like my pieces, especially the one of my earliest, just a night sky in Phoenix.

He directed a burning gaze towards me. "You're very talented, you know."

I smiled. "So are you, Beethoven."

He smiled crookedly, and event though it made his face look deformed, it was kind of cute now too.

After I had finished up in the studio, we went to lunch.

As I ate my double cheese, double bacon burger, Edward ate a grilled chicken sandwich.

I laughed when we began eating. "We really _are _the homo and the butch."

He snorted and started eating.

Halfway through the meal he looked up at me somewhat perturbed.

"We never started our game, Bella!"

I nodded. "Okay then," I said, mouth full of burger. "Go ahead."

"Okay: Threesome."

My eyes widened. "You don't play around, do you?"

He grinned.

"No, you sicko, I've never had one."

"Okay."

"Hicky."

"Seventh grade, Tawny Erick's basement, my mom saw it, and instead of grounding me for a week, she asked if it was at least good."

Edward threw his head back and let out a laugh that made me shivers run down my spine and make a 180 directly into my throbbing pus-.

My mental self cleared her throat.

"First kiss."

"Sixth grade, on the playground, Hector Alvarez. He slobbered on my face."

And so on, and so forth. We sat at the diner for at least two hours while he asked about Phoenix, and how many boyfriends I've had (4), how many pets, (2), and it was fun.

When we paid the check and got in his car I decided it was my turn.

"Threesome?"

He turned red.

"No."

I looked at him, mouth wide open.

"You lie!"

He laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, it's a funny story actually…"

"If it involves blonde twins with lesbian incest fetishes and double d's I don't want to know."

He snorted. "No, not quite."

"Brunette twins with lesbian incest fetishes and double d's?"

He rolled his eyes. "I was supposed to double team a girl with a buddy in college. At the last second, I couldn't do it. There was no way I could stay hard with some other naked guy in the room."

When I stopped laughing he glared at me.

"Hey, you asked me too remember?"

We kept playing the game as we drove, and there was only a ridiculous moment of sexual tension.

He asked, "Obsession?"

"First obsession? Panties. First pair I ever bought, lacy, firetruck red, cheekies."

I looked over at him when he didn't say anything and noticed him shifting uncomfortably. I didn't look at his lap, because then nothing would stop me from raping him hardcore in this car.

As the days progressed I was growing increasingly more and more turned on by him. And it wasn't helping that the man had some kind of penile dysfunction that made him get hard in under 2.5 seconds.

Damn his libido.

When we got home, I went upstairs to shower and change.

I heard piano playing when I got out and I followed the music to just outside his door.

I decided, hey, what the hell? And I walked in. He looked up, the music never stopping and smiled at me.

My heart skipped.

The music he was playing was so beautiful. It was light and dark, funny and serious, magic. It sounded a lot like love.

I sat down next to him on the bench and watched as he played.

I listened to his beautiful music for an hour, hoping that some day I'd find a man who inspired that in me.

***

The week went on. Edward and I played our game almost every night, and the sexual frustration was growing, more and more.

Jasper came around for dinner almost every night and him, Edward and Emmett were quickly becoming best friends.

I was getting to know the real Edward, and I liked it.

Saturday night he burst into my room, eyes wild.

"I got the job, Bella! I got it!"

I jumped up from my bed, squealing excitedly like Alice and launched myself into his arms.

The moment when the hug became charged with a different kind of…_energy_ was almost clearly visible.

I was looking into his eyes, he was looking into mine, and I thought, 'he's going to kiss me'. And I was happy, but somewhat confused.

The air between us had been growing more and more hot and heavy and now it was finally boiling to a head.

And then Alice walked into my room and Edward abruptly let me go.

Fuck you, Alice. Fuck. You.

She cocked an eyebrow and smiled smugly.

"Celebrating are we?"

I cleared my throat loudly. "Yeah, well, he got the job, so…"

He put his hand behind his head, "Yeah."

"When do you start, Edward?"

"In two weeks."

"Good for you."

Alice watched all of this with a grin on her face. "Ain't sexual awkwardness great?"

And she walked out.

The moment was ruined, so I put some music on and we played our game.

"First time?"

"Senior year. Jacob. We started dating when I turned twenty."

"One night stand?"

"Four months ago. After Jake. Tyler."

I cringed. The memory still disgusted me.

And so we went on, into the late hours of the night. I woke up, and Edward was still laying next to me, mouth open, very asleep.

I grinned.

I could get used to this.

***

And so another week passed, and our questions weren't just about 'firsts' anymore, but just random questions in general.

I learned that he had decided to be a writer in seventh grade because of his English teacher. He had had three girlfriends, all of them had dumped him. His first time had been Junior year. He'd never been drunk, and he'd never done drugs. His mother only wanted one son, but Alice was like her daughter. His uncle Carlisle was like a father, and he loved him like one.

One night, when we were playing the firsts game, and the sexual air was particularly thick, I asked him if he'd like to try a smoke with me. One of his firsts.

He looked at me warily, before deciding, "Why not?"

I walked over to my purse and grabbed the little carton and the lighter.

"Not inside the room, Alice would never forgive me."

We sat on the window seat and I swung the window open. The view was beautiful, the park that was our backyard, while the milky light from the moon reflected in the pool that looked like a small lake..

The moon was gigantic, and full and it cast an eerie other worldly glow on us as we sat facing each other on the window seat while I pulled out two cigarettes.

I hoped he would cough. It would make my day.

I lit mine and leaned out the window, inhaling deeply.

I handed him the lighter, and watched him expectantly. He leaned out the window, and pulled in deeply. His eyes bugged, but he didn't cough.

Damn.

"You're just good at everything aren't you?"

He waggled his eyebrows like a silent movie villain.

"More things than you imagine. Or maybe you have."

The sex elephant in the room grew as big as a house.

I didn't say anything, and we just leaned out the window, looking at the moon and not talking.

He turned to me.

"Okay. What's your favorite color?"

I smiled. He hadn't asked this one yet. "Green."

He grinned.

"Socks?"

"Knee highs."

He turned to me eagerly, pulling on the cigarette.

"Drink?"

"Grape soda."

"Sexual favor?"

My heart automatically started racing in my chest.

I had no idea how to put this. At all.

"What…do you mean?"

"Oral? Hand action? Dry blowing." He smiled lazily.

Fuck. How could I even…begin to…shit.

"Well…I've never done any of those." I winced. God, how ridiculous.

His jaw dropped.

"How many guys have you slept with again?"

"Five."

"And none of them ever…tried to…you know?"

I shook my head and stamped my cigarette out on the windowsill, dropping it into the bushes below. I didn't meet his gaze.

"Have you ever had an _orgasm?_

I laughed. "Of course! I mean, none of those guys were the best in bed but I found ways to…get the seesaw going."

"But you've never been…eaten out?"

I shook my head again.

I turned warily to look at him and there was an unexpected jolt between my legs when I saw him. His eyes were heavily lidded and dark. I could see a slight blush on his cheeks. He stamped out his cigarette and stood abruptly.

"On the bed. Now."

I felt my jaw drop.

"What?"

"You helped me with one of my firsts. I'll be damned if you don't get yours."

My jaw fell even lower if possible.

"But…But Edward…I." I stammered nervously.

He looked at me closely.

"Yes?"

It wasn't that I didn't want to. And things most definitely were _not _moving too fast. At all. The sexual tension between us was painful, and right now, a release seemed like a good idea. So, I couldn't even argue. I'd throw caution to the winds.

I stood and walked over to my canopy. The eerie glow from the moon was the only light in my room. I sat on the edge of the bed, and Edward walked over and stood in front of me.

His eyes were smoldering with lust even in the dim light. I could see his thick hard on through his thin sweats.

He dropped to his knees.

"Bella, I'm going to help you with one of your firsts."

And then he gently pushed my shoulders back so I fell onto my back on the bed.

My heart was beating so fast, pulsing in time with the hot ache that seemed to be concentrating between my legs. It was anticipation of the unknown.

I was scared and excited, but for once I didn't fucking hate the uncertain. I embraced it.

I gasped as he yanked my sweats and panties down in one fell swoop.

I sensed him suddenly stopping. I looked up suddenly. My lacy blue panties were clenched in his fist.

I grinned. "Would you like to borrow them?" Instead of him scoffing, his eyes grew impossibly darker.

I was surprised that instead of being uncomfortable being so exposed, I felt…sexy. He was looking at me like I was a goddess, set before him for his enjoyment.

He growled. "Shut up, Bella."

He yanked me roughly so my ass was hanging off the bed. I fell back quickly.

I'd read enough tawdry romance novels to know that the man would tease his lover, 'kiss the entire inside of her leg before he gently worshipped her sex with his caressing tongue'.

Let me just tell you Edward would never be a main character in those novels.

He didn't do any of that cheesy taunting shit. One second, my stomach was tensed in anticipation, the next, Edwards tongue was licking long strokes up and down my pussy.

I gasped out loud, and he didn't stop. He did it hard. Teasing my entrance with his snaky tongue while he swirled in delicious patterns up my slit.

Nothing was under my control anymore. The moans and whines escaping my mouth weren't mine. They were his.

My hands traveled down of their own accord to fist in his hair.

He made his tongue flat and wide so he could lap me up, and the man was a fucking _criminal._

I almost screamed. His tongue was doing a tap dance across my clit now and my hips bucked as I pulled his hair so hard it hurt _me._

The man wasn't fucking around. He wasn't into teasing and shit.

His mouth suddenly placed itself directly against my clit while he sucked with so much force I whimpered. The whole time he was sucking, he was swirling his tongue quickly around my nerves like a champ.

I could feel it building. Some sort of thunder storm in the pit of my stomach. I was gently thrusting my hips into his face as he licked harder, sucked harder, and fuck.

He separated his mouth from me and licked me up in one long stroke.

"This is what you should be getting."

He attached his lips to my clit once again and flicked his tongue over it quickly.

I propped up on my elbows through my lust induced haze and came undone at the sight before me. Edward's smoking green eyes were looking up at me while his mouth worked me over. The bronze head nestled between my legs was the most erotic thing I'd ever seen.

I came so hard the bed shook.

One long, low moan slipped past my lips while I clenched my fists in his hair and arched my back off the bed so hard I felt like a gymnast.

The man made me flexible.

I lay back, panting, trying to catch my breath. He licked me once more before he slid my panties back on.

I lifted my hips so he could get them on easily.

I lay there, like a paralyzed son of a bitch and stared at the top of my canopy bed dumbly with my mouth wide open.

From beside me Edward spoke.

"Was it… umm…did you like it?"

He sounded timid. I couldn't believe the man who had just given me oral like it was his job was trying to be _timid._

I turned my head to face him.

"Just tell me at what school you learned _that._"

He chuckled and put his hands behind his head, humming softly.

I drifted off to sleep, floating on my happy orgasm cloud to heaven.

_Bliss._

**________________________________________________________________________**

**Did that at least satiate some of your horny selves?**

**I hope so.**

**Reviewwww.**

: )


	18. Favors

**Alright. Let's get on to the happier side of Edward and Bella.**

**Due to questions asked by some of my curious reviewers, this chapter was born.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own dry blowing.**_

_**________________________________________________________________________**_

I awoke the next morning and the reality of last night hit me in a giddy wave.

I got oral from Edward Cullen.

Woo!

I rolled over smiling, and Edward was still lying next to me asleep.

As I laid there grinning like the o-wave queen, I replayed last night in my head.

Eventually I got up and put on some pants, ready to go downstairs to make breakfast.

Edward came down the stairs about twenty minutes later.

He rubbed his eyes and smiled.

"Whatcha making?"

I shrugged and flipped the toast.

"French toast and bacon sandwiches."

"Sounds good."

I smirked. "We're celebrating."

I could suddenly feel him standing very close behind me.

"What are we celebrating?"

I turned to him and cocked an eyebrow.

"Firsts."

***

Later, Edward sat in my room quietly watching me paint.

I thought it would be awkward or weird or complicated after last night but it wasn't. If anything, without all the tension It was more comfortable

He sat cross legged on the floor and hummed softly every so often. He was writing in a black notebook.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Just something I use to jot down poems and ideas for articles."

I smiled softly. "Poems?"

He nodded and looked down shyly.

"Will you read me one?"

"I don't really…know Bella."

I put the paintbrush down and gave him a playful glare.

"Come on Edward."

He sighed and looked down a this notebook, flipping through it until he came to a page.

_Smooth cream skin_

_Coffee_

_Bitter_

_Black_

_Sweet mouth of_

_Rose_

_Spits out thorns_

_Hips of hold_

_Hell in your eyes_

_Heaven in your core_

I had never been so turned on in my life. Somehow, I knew it was about me. And it brought out so many feelings in me that I couldn't begin to comprehend.

I spoke softly. "What inspired that?"

His cheeks turned pink, and it made me happy that I wasn't the only one who blushed easily.

"You."

***

The rest of the day we talked and talked. I finally got the courage to ask him about his mother.

"She wants me to be happy. I know she's lonely, but it makes her feel better if she thinks she's not dragging me with her."

"She sounds like a wonderful person Edward."

He smiled but it didn't touch his eyes and he eventually just let it fall.

"She is."

Alice called to say she wouldn't be home for dinner, and not to wait up. Rose and Emmett had left on a plane this morning to go see Rose's grandparents. They would take it better than her parents.

For dinner we ate pizza and it made me smile to think that the last time we did this we hated each other.

We sat in my room and ate. For some reason it seemed to be more comfortable for us to talk here.

I blushed suddenly when I realized I was getting turned on watching him eat pizza.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Something interesting Isa?"

I cocked my head at him. No one had ever called me Isa before.

"Nothing at all."

I wanted to ask him. I desperately wanted to ask him.

"Was last night your first time…you know?"

He grinned.

"Did It feel like it was my first time?"

I shook my head.

He smiled even wider.

"It was."

My mouth gaped open.

"But…haven't you? How many girls have you ever slept with?"

"Three."

"And they've never asked you to?"

He shook his head.

"Do they not like intense pleasure?"

He rolled onto his back.

"I guess not."

I sat there in astonishment, wondering who in their right mind wouldn't enjoy that. And then I remembered the question that set off last nights activities.

"Edward Cullen."

"Yes?"

"What in the holy fuck is dry blowing?"

His eyes darkened instantly.

"I can show you better than I can tell you."

I didn't even know what it was. For all I knew it could be code for some s&m kinky shit.

But I was already excited.

He crawled over to where I was sitting very slowly, not stopping until he was positioned over me.

He leaned down to my neck and licked gently on my collar bones before he blew on them lightly.

My breath hitched and I shivered.

He lifted my shirt up until my black bra was exposed.

"It's all about," He gently licked between my breasts, and blew once again. I trembled like the damsel in a cheap novel.

"Anticipation." He said as he licked down to my navel and exhaled.

I could feel fucking Niagara falls pooling between my legs.

He went to pull my pants down for the second time 20 hours. And I was more than willing to never wear pants again.

When he took them off, I thanked God that whatever he was doing involved my clit.

He spread my legs even further and I tried to steady my labored breathing.

Then his mouth was _right there, _and the panties between my spot and his tongue were infuriating me. This kid didn't hesitate. He was the master of surprise attacks.

I swore right then and there that I would never wear panties. This was torture. Deliciously orgasmic torture, but torture none the less.

He blew directly over my clit, soft at first, then he spread his mouth directly over it and sucked. I could feel it through the thin lace, but it wasn't enough. I needed more.

Then his tongue began doing wonderful things.

And I didn't even care that I had panties on, because I could _feel _it. And it made me want to worship in the church of Dry Blowing.

I was bucking into his face making unintelligible noises that were supposed to be pleas for him to just fuck me already, but sounded more like a horse dying.

But then he stopped. And only a second later, he was stroking me with those pale piano fingers so hard it felt like he was trying to start a fire.

And he was succeeding.

Then his mouth was back, because of course this was supposed to be dry blowing, not dry fingering.

Which slightly disappointed me.

Then he did the little tongue thing again, and all disappointment left me.

He continued his little ministrations until the fire that had been building in my stomach spread and exploded.

I screamed. I actually screamed.

But he didn't stop. And I thought before was torture, _no. _This was torture. I tried to wiggle away from his mouth, but then his strong hands grabbed my hips and held me firmly in place. He sucked me through the lace even harder.

The dominating action caused the feeling to take me over and I came again.

I wasted no time. Edward had made me come three times in a little over twenty hours, and while I was bitch, I wasn't a selfish one.

I flipped him over and he was caught off guard until he realized what I was doing.

"Bella, you really don't have toooooo… ungh."

I was doing the little licky blow thing across his chest and it shut him up right quick.

I came to the waistband of his pants, and I made to pull them off.

"Bella-"

I hooked my fingers in the waistband of his pants and yanked them down.

Surprise surprise. Eddy goes commando.

He was in front of me, thick and long and _hard._

No matter. Fuck dry blowing. I can give him his right.

Because I may not have gotten oral before last night, but I gave a mean bj.

Jake made sure of that.

And I almost winced because how the fuck could Jake creep into my thoughts while this is happening?

Whatever.

And I plunged in head first. Literally.

He let out a hiss when I firmly wrapped my lips around his length, and I moved up and down slowly, swirling my tongue while I went. He tasted good.

I kept my pace, and I could feel his hand creeping up my neck like he wanted to wrap it in my hair.

But Edward didn't want to disrespect. I almost rolled my eyes, suctioned my lips to the top before I took him out off my mouth with a pop.

"Bella," he whined. And right now whining sounded pretty fucking hot. And I didn't hate it anymore.

I looked up at him.

"Just do it Edward."

And then he put his hand on top of my head and pushed my head down. I liked it. I liked being taken control over, being used like his sex toy. It was hot.

And giving him this pleasure? Hearing the moans and whines melting from his mouth and knowing I was doing that?

It made me pull in some of my better tricks.

I cupped his balls in my hand and squeezed gently.

He let out a low throaty moan.

I sucked harder and harder, licking up and down his shaft and then putting him back in my mouth.

I looked up at him through my lashes, and he was half sitting up, which made his abs look amazing.

He was watching me with eyes that were almost closed, and I licked his tip again.

"Bella, I'm going to-"

That was fine. We'd exchanged bodily fluids before.

He came hard, thrusting and bucking into my mouth, while he held my head firmly, still pushing it up and down.

I licked him through his orgasm, swallowing down his cum, because I knew guys liked that shit.

When I was done I pulled his pants back up, and laid next to him.

"So?" I asked devilishly.

"We obviously learned at the same place."

***

That night while I was in the shower my thoughts of course turned to Edward. He was amazing. And I didn't hate him anymore, obviously.

But not just because of his tongue.

He was a good person. He was funny and smart, We agreed on a lot of things, he had great taste in music. He wrote sexy poems. I was happy I had gotten to know him.

But where did this leave us?

Friends with benefits? I could live with that.

I obviously wasn't ready for another relationship, but he was so good with that mouth that I was seriously reconsidering.

And then I realized with a jolt I hadn't even kissed him yet.

This kid has had his mouth closer to my vagina than anyone I've ever fucked and I hadn't even kissed him yet.

There was something wrong with this.

For now though, I'd be happy with what I had.

Which just happened to be a lot of orgasms.

Which was fine.

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**Kind of a pointless chapter, but smut is always fun, so yeah. And it shows that they are actually good friends now.**

_**Very **_**good friends.**

**Reviewww**

**Kisses- g.**


	19. Looks

**Jesus. My reviewers make me want to dance and sing.**

**Okay, so after two smutty chapters, I figure we'll get into the brunt of things. Bleh.**

**Sorry for the wait women (and possibly men) I rewarded you with an extra long chapter.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own Bella's artistic side.**_

_**________________________________________________________________________**_

I sat in the kitchen, sipping my cappuccino and eating a chocolate muffin.

Edward stumbled in, looking half dead. He rubbed his eyes.

A yawn split his face in two.

I smirked.

"Late night?"

He gave me a playful dirty look.

"Yeah. Some horny bitch wouldn't stop sitting on my face. Kept it up until four in the morning."

I grinned playfully. "Can't imagine who would do that. The nerve."

He rolled his bloodshot eyes. "Is there any real coffee? Not that frou-frou sugar shit you're drinking."

"In the pot."

As he poured himself some coffee, I reminisced about the past week. After the first two days we had hooked up, we were going at it like rabbits. The only days we hadn't spent locked up in my room was the day he went in for a follow up at his work, which he started next week, and the day we went in to finish up the studio.

I would never look at my office desk the same.

No sex of course, but I could only assume, and hope, that it would be soon. Still, one thing had been bothering me.

No kissing.

Not even a little bit. Did he think it was too…personal? Even if all of this was just for release, just a hook- up.

While I was okay with that, I rather liked kissing. A lot.

He sat down to drink his coffee, and we talked. My studio was opening in two weeks, and he started work at the newspaper on Tuesday.

We both jumped when the front door opened and Alice came tip toeing in. It was ten thirty in the morning.

She had made it to the top step when I called her out.

"Why, Alice! The walk of shame in your own house?"

She jumped and spun on her heel turning bright red.

"I-um- well, you see- Shit. I got nothing. We fucked."

Edward shook his head slowly. "Horrible, horrible images Alice."

I smiled. "That's my girl."

She smiled and walked into the kitchen, looking disheveled and wearing the clothes she had left in last night but looking deliriously happy.

"Coffee?"

I poured her a cup, and she told us about her date, leaving out the 'after party' aspect of it.

She winked at me. We'd have to have a girl talk later.

I inwardly flinched. I'd have to tell her about Edward. We had only been at it for a week, but the man, he had some kind of stamina.

In all honesty, I'd barely even seen her all week. Between work and Jasper she'd hardly been home, and between Edward and his tongue, I'd hardly left my room.

"Bella? Bella are you listening?"

"Hmm?"

She looked at me, brows furrowed, clearly annoyed.

"As I was _saying, _Jasper's parents are coming over for dinner tonight and-"

"You're sorry it's such short notice but you're wondering if I'll make something special?"

She looked relieved, her eyes open wide, puppy dog look on her face.

"I thought they lived In Texas?"

"They do, but they're near LA for some reason and they called Jazz this morning as a surprise."

I nodded.

"So will you help me? I mean, I would, but I have to go to the office in a little while, and-"

"Of course I will. I'll wow them with my culinary prowess."

She sighed in relief, and I rolled my eyes.

"Did you _really _think I'd leave you hanging like that Alice?"

She smirked cockily.

"Well, I wasn't sure if you and Edward would be willing to let up your activities for one day."

And she sauntered out of the room, leaving Edward and I with our jaws hanging open in the middle of the kitchen.

"That bitch knows everything." I grumbled.

"We weren't that loud were we?" He reminisced, rubbing his stubbly chin.

Mm. Stubble. I loved it.

"I dunno," I said, taking his hand and beginning to lead him upstairs. "but we need to take a shower. We've got grocery shopping to do."

He grinned devilishly, and smacked my ass as I ran upstairs giggling.

"Only if you let me peruse your aisles first."

"God Edward, you're ridiculously cheesy."

"You love it."

***

I had decided to go all out tonight to impress Jazz's parents, and to ask Alice for forgiveness for not telling her about mine and Edward's situation. Whatever that was.

Edward stood close behind me, his breathing down my neck not pissing me off as much as it had last time.

"What're you planning to make Bella?"

"An entire five course meal. I figure afterwards Alice will be so full she won't be able to yell at me without throwing up. Or she won't be able to run after me."

I walked down the fruit aisle giggling, remembering our last incident here.

He leaned down to whisper seductively in my ear.

"Of course I'd be happy with a one course meal. Just sit on my plate naked and I'll eat Bella for dinner."

I smacked his arm weakly but he could no doubt feel the heat radiating from my crotch.

"Shut up Edward."

He chuckled in that deep, smooth, mountain man voice of his.

"So what are you making?"

"I figure I'll go first salad, second soup, third a pasta dish, fourth main course, fifth dessert and coffee. Red wine with dinner, and appetizers before. And I'll probably make some kind of cheesy bread to go with it."

I felt him suddenly stop behind me.

I whirled to look at him. His eyes were wide open, his mouth agape.

"Something wrong?"

He shook his head slowly.

"You cook five course meals like nothing and you give head like nobody's business. You're like every mans dream."

I rolled my eyes and kept walking.

"You sure know how to charm the pants off a girl, Cullen."

He quickly caught up to me.

"I charmed the pants off of you."

I laughed. He had me there.

"So what appetizer are you making?"

"I'm kind of leaning to a miscellaneous thing here. No themed courses, like all Italian or all seafood. It gets boring. I'm going to mix it up. For an appetizer, I like artichoke stuffed new red potatoes with bacon and a sprinkle of cheddar. They're small, so three each should do."

I put red potatoes in a bag.

Edward followed silently.

"I want to make a strawberry spinach salad with marinated teriyaki chicken bits and a dressing of extra virgin olive oil spiked with poppy seeds and pecans."

"And soup…hmm… cream of broccoli and potato with more cheese. And bacon."

I spoke to Edward as I put broccoli into a bag.

"You don't think they'll be too full if I- Edward?"

He was staring at me with darkened eyes. The man couldn't possible be horny right now.

"Keep talking food to me. It's so hot."

I threw my head back and laughed.

"You sound like such a fat ass right now, Edward."

He pressed his very hard erection into my ass.

"Do I feel like a fat ass?" He whispered gruffly into my ear.

"No," I said brusquely, "But you best get your dick off me before I rape you in the fruit aisle. We would probably get kicked out of the store for that."

He laughed and let me continue on.

"Where the hell did you learn all this?" He asked as I picked out two blocks of cheddar cheese.

"I wasn't born with a cooking ability, but I always liked the culinary arts, so I took every class available in Phoenix. Renee appreciated it. So did Phil."

I walked over to the butcher's counter.

"Now…main course…. What shall it be?"

"What about the pasta course?"

"Oh yeah! Shrimp. Fettuccini sounds good, I make a mean Alfredo."

I looked at the butcher's cuts. What would totally bring these people to their knees….

I turned to Edward.

"I know! Braised veal shanks in a rich gravy with simmered vegetables!"

I got the veal from the butcher and looked at Edward who was staring at me.

"I'm thanking God you came into my life. Stop looking at me."

I laughed and made to grab some chocolate bars and baking chocolate.

"Edward do me a favor and get me two cartons of heavy whipping cream."

"What's for dessert?" He looked at me curiously.

"It's a surprise." I winked and made my way to the checkout counter.

"Bella!" He called after me. I turned, confused.

"What?"

"What about the intercourse?" He grinned at me.

I scoffed and turned. Jackass.

***

"Edward if you stick your germy little spoon in my soup pot one more time, so help me God I'll break your foot."

"That's what she said."

"Arghh!!!"

I threw my hands up in frustration.

"Cullen, I have two hours until Alice and Jasper get here with the parentals and if I am not finished, you will pay."

He stepped closer to me, snaking his arms around my waist, and my heart leapt.

This was a romantic position. Me in the kitchen cooking while he wrapped his arms around me? Why was It that I liked it?

He reached an arm around me and grabbed a strawberry, darting around the counter while I swatted the air with my spatula.

So much for romantic.

I looked around the kitchen. Dessert was in the fridge, I made Edward leave the kitchen for that one, promising Emmett I'd give him extra portions if he kept him away.

Rose had helped me prepare the dessert, the bread and the pasta. The soup was all me. The pasta sat on the stove staying warm and the bread was on the counter cooling. I kept sneaking her bits of chocolate, and letting her taste this and that, because god bless my little pregnant friend, she was beginning to get all emotional because of the hormones.

It was the cutest thing ever to see normally confident Rose biting her lip while plotting how to tell Emmett's parents in a way that wouldn't make them angry. She hadn't spoken to her parents since telling them.

Right now, Rose was sitting on the marble counter in front of me, chopping the teriyaki chicken.

"Bella, I just can't imagine that they'd take this well, and I mean- Edward leave the pasta alone- what if they're disappointed? We're going to need some kind of family support-"

"Rosalie. I love you, but you're worrying too much. Everything will be fine. When have we ever known Carlisle or Esme to not be loving, caring, supportive?"

Rose abruptly put down the knife she was chopping with and looked up at me with her big blue eyes full to the brim.

A lone tear slid down her cheek.

"What if I'm not good enough?"

I laid my hand on her knee and opened my mouth to say something but Emmett came barreling into the kitchen.

"My Rosalie is sad. Why?"

My mouth hung open. She lets one tear go and Emmett's spidey senses go a tinglin'.

Rosalie let out a choked sob and began crying into her fists.

Emmett held her tightly while he rubbed her back.

"Oh, Rosie, don't be sad. It's just the hormones. Little Zaira is making you sad."

I cocked my head.

"Zaira?"

Emmett nodded proudly.

"Yup."

"Em, you don't even know the sex yet."

"It's a girl. I know it. Rose knows it."

Rose nodded tearfully into Emmett's chest.

"Rosie why are you sad?"

She let out a loud howl and began hysterically talking.

Not only was she sobbing unintelligibly and muffling her mouth against Emmett, but I couldn't understand a thing she was saying.

Emmett nodded.

"Rosalie, my parents would never abandon us."

She sniffled something else.

Emmett's eyes widened comically and he separated Rose from his chest who continued to sniffle.

"Rosalie Hale-Cullen! How dare you say you're not good enough for me! I would shake you but that's not good for Zaira!"

Rose nodded sadly.

"Rosalie, I don't know when we will- but when we do tell my parents, they'll probably buy us a small island."

She laughed.

"You're right, Em. I'm overreacting."

"Yes you are." He opened his mouth and Rosalie dropped a piece of chicken in it.

He chewed and hummed happily.

I smacked him on the arm.

"Now get out of my kitchen and take Edward with you."

Behind me I heard Edward protesting as Emmett carried him out of the kitchen.

"Rose, be excited! Two weeks from tomorrow is my opening!"

She laughed and continued to chop chicken.

We chatted happily while we finished prepping everything. She even helped me with the veal shanks.

She told me cooking helped distract her, and she actually liked it now. I offered to give her some courses.

Finally, everything was ready, and I had the table set, the wine at room temperature, and Edward at bay.

Rosalie went upstairs to shower herself and Emmett, because he wouldn't do it himself if she didn't make him.

As I cleaned the counter I heard Edward tip toeing into the kitchen behind me.

I spun around to catch him with his spoon in my soup pot.

_That's what she wished he did._

I lunged myself at his back and he yelped in surprise.

"What did I tell you Edward- what's your middle name?"

"Anthony. Why?"

"I want to yell at you properly, Edward Anthony Cullen! Stop fucking with my food!"

He spun slowly to look at me.

"Can I fuck with you instead?" He said mischievously, but his eyes were glinting with lust.

Funny how he could utter a sentence and the juices got flowing. Literally.

"Yes." I said breathily, my hand playing with the waistband of his pants. I had him backed against the counter and I was leaning on him, our bodies pressed up against each other dangerously.

He slid one hand up my shirt and began maneuvering his fingers beneath my bra.

I ground my hips deliciously roughly into his and he reciprocated with much…enthusiasm.

His mouth went to my neck and he began biting and licking the sensitive skin there slowly as his hand began rubbing my chest under my shirt.

I arched my back to be even more tightly pressed against his body.

He bit particularly hard and a soft moan slipped past my parted lips. I could feel him smile against my skin as he let out a throaty chuckle. Think that's funny?

I dipped my hand into his pants.

_Hello there Daddy Cullen._

His breathing grew choppy as I settled my hand onto his cock, rubbing lightly, not hard enough to feel satisfaction. Torture Mr. Cullen. Torture.

He groaned into my neck.

"Bella.."

And the phone rang. We broke apart, rather startled, and I laughed nervously, feeling annoyed.

I answered quickly, almost snatching the receiver off the wall.

"Bella?"

Alice. The dirty cunt.

"Yes." I ground out through my teeth.

"You have fifteen minutes."

She hung up. Okay, Agent Pixie Piss off.

I turned back to Edward.

He sauntered over to me, trying to finish what we had going before, but there was no way I could let that get started.

"We have fifteen minutes Edward." He gave me a shocked expression and scampered out of the kitchen quickly.

"Cold shower Cullen! Cold!" I called after him.

***

They arrived exactly fifteen minutes after Alice called. I barely had time to shower and dress, and I ran to greet them in the foyer, with a flush to my cheeks.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock, I'm Bella, Alice's best friend."

"And personal chef." Alice's tinkling laugh filled the hall.

Jasper's parents looked like the typical southern ma and pa , they had warm smiles that crinkled their eyes, and their twangs were more pronounced than Jasper's as they told Alice how lovely her home was.

Alice led them to the living room while I put the bread and wine glasses on the table.

Edward joined me in the dining room.

"Can I eat now?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Typical man. Just wants to be fed."

He came up behind me and leaned down to whisper throatily into my ear.

"Silly Bella, I wasn't talking about food."

What a horny fucker this kid was! You give him a little nook and it's all he thinks about!

I told him so and he laughed.

Emmett and Rosalie walked into the dining room.

Emmett sniffed the air.

"God Bella, it smells like heaven in here. Now Rose, just get naked and I'll know I've died."

She smacked him half heartedly but laughed all the same.

Alice brought in the parents and sat them down, while she poured wine into glasses.

"Edward and I will go get the appetizers, but try the bread, Rose made it."

I plated three tiny potatoes onto each little square white china plate, sprinkling bacon and cheddar on top, put a sprig of parsley on the side.

Edward helped me carry plates to the table silently.

I chewed my lip. I always got nervous when people ate my cooking.

Everyone told me it smelled amazing, but before we could eat, Mrs. Whitlock asked us all to join hands and say grace.

Jasper's cheeks tinged pink. "Ma I-"

"Jazz, let your mother pray." Alice chided him, smiling.

Mrs. Whitlock put her head down and closed her eyes. I did the same.

"Lord," she began, her little accent making it sound even sweeter. "We thank you for this delicious meal we are about to eat, and I ask that you watch over every young, and old person sitting at this table. Take care and guide their minds, hearts and souls, and nourish the young love we can feel in this house. Thank you. Amen."

The table replied with Amen. Everyone dug in, and I knew I had a hit, it was delicious. Moans of delight filled the table as we ate.

I remembered Jasper telling us about his family living in Texas and wondered how his parents were out here.

"Mrs. Whitlock, Jasper told us you live in Texas, how are you so far out here?"

"First off, it's Momma S dear, and we're staying with some old family friends about an hour and a half from here, and decided to come and meet our sons girlfriend while we were so near by. We go back to El Paso in two days."

I smiled, noticing how Alice blushed shyly at Momma S's use of 'girlfriend'.

Everyone finished the appetizers quickly, and I brought out salads. Everyone chatted happily, Jasper blushing when Mrs. Whitlock began telling about him running naked through the farm when a rabid goose snatched the pants right off him.

Alice laughed heartily, throwing her head back with mirth.

Suddenly Edward's hand was on my knee and he was whispering into my ear.

"Look at Jasper."

His face was still tinged with pink at his mother's stories, but other than that- his expression made my throat swell, and my eyes stung uncomfortably.

The look -this look he was giving Alice- was the epitome of love. Of being in love. He was looking at Alice with more adoration and loyalty than should be possibly held in one man's expression. His smile was serene, but his eyes were so sure.

I turned to Edward, embarrassed at how choked my voice sounded. "He's so gone."

Edward laughed quietly, and I stood abruptly to clear plates and bring out the soup.

By the time I brought out the veal, everyone was totally comfortable, yelling and laughing like some boisterous Italian family.

"-" Emmett began.

"Now, darlin' you make a woman feel old. Call me Momma S."

"Momma S- now, I told you me and Rosie are expecting,"

Rosalie colored beautifully, and she smiled up at Emmett.

"Yes, dear, congratulations!"

"And we wanted to ask you something."

"Ask away."

"What's the hardest thing about children?"

"Birth." We laughed.

"Besides that, Momma." Jasper rolled his eyes playfully.

Momma S pursed her lips as she thought, but before she could speak, Mr. Whitlock chimed in.

"For a man? Son, it's watching them grow up. Especially with the girls. Seeing your little baby girl turn into a woman, and all the guys after them." The feeling to this relatively quiet man's statement made us fall silent, to listen to his words.

Emmett frowned. "We're having a girl."

"How do you know the sex already dear?" Momma S asked.

Em puffed up proudly. "I can tell."

The table rang with laughter.

I cleared plates and Rose stood to help me get dessert. I set the little crystal dishes in front of everyone and watched as faces lit up, especially the women's.

"My famous dark _chocolat _raspberry mouse with chocolate shavings and a side of raspberries drizzled with white chocolate sauce."

"The best way to a woman's heart is chocolate boys. Learn well." said Momma S while she ate. Jasper smiled at his mother.

After we ate we said our goodbyes, and bid them a safe drive. Momma S took Alice aside for a moment, and when she came back her eyes were shining.

They left, promising to come back soon, and waving goodbye from their truck.

It reminded me of Mauve.

"Alice!" I spun abruptly. "Has the mechanic called you?"

"No, Bella. Not yet."

I frowned and went to clean up, Edward chuckling behind me. He hopped up on the counter and picked at a plate of pasta.

I sneered at him. "Aren't you _full?_"

He smiled. "I can never eat enough of your food."

***

Edward and I sat at my window seat that night, looking at the moon from my window.

"Seeing Jasper around Alice tonight was sure something wasn't it?" he said quietly.

I smiled softly.

"When Momma S pulled Alice aside it was to tell her to take care of her son's heart, because he had obviously given it to her."

We sat in silence for a few moments before I whispered into the night.

"I want to find someone who will look at me like that."

I kept my stare out the window, but could feel Edward's gaze on mine.

"I want to find someone to look at like that." he said after a while.

I nodded minutely.

Wants are seldom granted.

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**Ah. That was a fun scene to write. **

**Reviews are better than five course meals.**

**-g **


	20. Complicated

**Well first off, thank you for getting me to 200 reviews!!!**

**Okay, well that's about it, keep reading and enjoying, leave me feedback people!**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own art.**_

_______________________________________________________________________

One week.

One week before my opening and I was barely finishing up my last piece for my studio.

I had been digging around in my closet, only to find the canvas that was mostly blank except for the beginnings of the woman's hip and what looked like a mirror that I had begun when I first met Edward.

I decided to finish it.

I had set up in the library early Monday morning, sunlight streaming in through the two wide windows on the east wall and I hummed happily as I sketched.

It was coming along beautifully, and as I drew I found myself becoming absorbed in the strokes of my charcoal pencil. It was black and white, but I would accent it with certain colors when I was finished. It had been so long since I had just let myself get lost in my art, and it made feel happy and at calm. It hit me full force again just why I had decided to make this a career.

I heard the door creak open and I didn't even turn, already knowing who it was.

"Morning sleepy head." I smiled.

I felt strong arms around my waist and his scratchy chin stubble nuzzling my neck.

My smile grew.

He let go and I inwardly frowned at the absence. I hadn't truly realized how much I had grown attached to his presence, his conversation, his touch…

And still no kiss.

My frown intensified.

I heard Edward sit in an armchair and yawn loudly.

"Why are you up Edward? You have another two hours before you have to go in, don't you?"

"I'm not going in today, that's tomorrow."

"So it's your day off, why don't you rest?"

"Because I'd rather be with you."

I blushed at the double meaning in his words.

"Hmph."

He laughed lightly behind me.

"Besides, I figure this'll be a good time to think out some of the finer details for my next article."

I traced the contours of a woman's naked hip on my canvas.

"Which is?"

"Freedom of speech in the workplace: taking out the free and leaving the dom."

I absentmindedly filled in her right breast, then began to draw a mans hand holding her waist.

"Sounds interesting."

"It is. I have interviews tomorrow with some work abuse case sufferers."

He fell silent, just watching me sketch.

Time passed quickly when I was submerged in my work, but I wondered if he wasn't growing tired of watching me.

He didn't speak, but I could feel his eyes on me as I drew. The idea of my drawing was becoming more and more pronounced, and I could see where it was going. I stepped back for a second to look at my progress and felt a jolt in my stomach.

The back of a woman, fully clothed, wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. Her hair cascaded down her back, and she was staring into a mirror. The reflection in the mirror was her naked body, and behind her could be seen the silhouette of a man, hands holding tightly onto her hips.

The symbolism was not lost on me, and I was sure not on Edward either. I knew what color accents would grace the painting even as I looked at it.

Her lips would be red, her eyes brown. His eyes would be a piercing green, with a slight hint of bronze in his hair.

It was beautiful, of course, but it wasn't just any painting. It meant something. My thoughts always came out in my art.

It wasn't finished yet, but soon it would be. And I was certain it would be one of my favorite pieces.

I started slightly when I felt Edward's hands grip my waist, taking care to place every finger along the curve of my hip, just like the woman and man in the painting.

No, of course he knew.

He spoke softly in my ear.

"She's clothed, hiding. But in the mirror, she stands fully bare, exposed for him to see. He's protecting her. It's her reflection. It's _your _reflection."

I felt a light shiver travel down my back.

He turned me and pulled me to him, and I was looking up into his eyes as he looked down into mine. I could feel the air change between us, and I thought, 'this is it, he's going to kiss me.'

There was an unreadable expression in his eyes for just a moment, and his face lowered slowly closer to mine, and I shivered in the anticipation.

My eyes closed. My heart raced, and I was tensed in waiting…

His lips pressed to my forehead, and he released me.

"It's beautiful Bella." He whispered, before he walked quickly from the room.

My face fell.

I had been sure….

What had I done wrong?

***

After that I felt my inspiration leave me, and I cleaned up and fled to my room, opting for a long bath instead of a shower.

I wanted to repress my thoughts, but found that I couldn't. It's not like that's any good anyway. Better to get it all out.

I took calming, deep breaths as I got into the warm water, which instantly relaxed my muscles.

He just didn't want to kiss me. And I would have to deal with that. It's not like it should matter anyway. I didn't have _feelings _for the jack ass. It just so happened that we got along, and he had been blessed with the gift of giving.

I mean, just because I wasn't cursing at him and calling him gay didn't mean we had to get all…lovey dovey on each other. We were friends. With benefits. Nothing more.

The moment when we were looking at the painting was nothing. Really.

He didn't _have _to kiss me.

Except I really wanted him too.

Dammit, what was so hard about it? I mean, he could lick my pussy and twiddle around with his fingers down there all day long, but just putting his lips to mine, 'oh, no' god fucking forbid!

Obviously he wasn't disgusted by me, he had proven that in more ways than one. And then, sometimes, the things he says, the way he says them, or a certain look in his eyes makes me think that maybe he wants to be more than just…what we are now. Whatever that may be.

His mixed signals are colossally pissing me off. One minute, he's being all cute and sweet, and horny, and then, he kisses my forehead.

Like Grandpa Swan.

He can suck on my clit until four in the morning, and then he goes and kisses my forehead, and flees the scene.

What is _wrong _with this guy? Maybe he's waiting for me to make the first move. I could do that. But I didn't think our already fragile friendship could survive the fall if he were to reject me. If he just…didn't want to kiss me.

And then I felt frustrated because I didn't see why it mattered to me so much. It's not like I could get any sexual gratification from making out. And that's what this little arrangement was for, right? Good conversation, and hooking up. Kissing didn't even come into that equation.

_Perhaps it's because it's personal. Maybe you want personal with Edward. _

_Maybe you love him._

I actually scoffed out loud at my stray thoughts as I got out of the bath. Love? Please. I felt more irritated and confused then before, and I decided that perhaps I should just suppress everything in the future.

I mean, to think that there could be anything between Edward and I that was more than we had now was ludicrous.

Ridiculous and impossible.

Even if I desperately wanted it without knowing it.

***

I ambled downstairs to watch some TV, hoping to distract my mind for an hour or two. Edward was sitting on the couch when I entered the living room.

He looked up and smiled, patting the spot directly next to him.

So he wasn't acting weird or different….

I sat down huffily, watching as he changed channels.

I saw my favorite show on the screen and I jumped up excitedly.

"HOUSE! Leave it here, Edward!"

I saw him roll his eyes.

"You like this show? It's so… predictable."

I kept my eyes glued to the screen.

"People who think they know it all find everything predictable Edward."

"Okay then, it's gay. The show is gay."

"You're gay. It takes one to know one."

I kept watching, Edward occasionally making comments about how ridiculous his diagnosis was, or how he was giving him the wrong dosage of medication.

"Right, because you know so much, Edward."

"My father _was _a doctor Bella. He showed me a few things."

I expected things to get tense, but at that moment the actor on TV began vomiting and hallucinating on screen.

"Preeee-dick- tuh- bull."

I swatted him on the arm.

"Shut up, he's going into cardiac arrest."

"That doesn't even make _sense."_

"What makes sense is I'm going to break your face if you don't stop hating on sexy Dr. House."

He got a sudden look of disgust on his face.

"You think that old man is hot? That's blasphemy Bella. I'm ashamed of your taste."

"Well, my taste just happens to include you, so really you're hating on yourself."

"Fuck what I would do to that doctor." I said absently, staring at the screen.

He scoffed, but his expression suddenly lit up and his eyes darkened.

"Care to play some doctor Miss Swan?"

Doctor? Freaky Edward. Freaky.

"Oh doctor," I said, putting on my best bimbo voice, "I seem to have a problem. It seems that I can't get rid of this ache between my legs, and-"

He scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder as he ran up the stairs.

I giggled and smacked at his butt.

My eyes widened in shock when he kicked the door open to his room.

His room. We hadn't done _that _before.

He tossed me on his bed, and his mouth was on my neck, even as I wished it was on my lips.

But that thought was quickly forgotten when he trailed his lips up to ear lobe, biting and nipping. And oh how I liked that.

"Now Miss Swan, let's see if we can cure that ache you speak of."

I felt the sudden urge to dominate, and I flipped him over and sat on top of him.

I pulled my shirt off quickly, then began to work on his.

I wanted to be skin to skin.

His shirt came off quickly and I begin kissing my way down his stomach, giving each little section of abs its own special attention.

I pulled his shorts and boxers off, stroking his hard dick quickly, building him up.

I was moving fast I knew, but I also knew I didn't want to take it slow. I would never grow tired of his body.

I guess we wouldn't be able to play Doctor today. What a pity.

I began to put my mouth on him, to lick his shaft up and down, and I looked up at him, trying to show him all my want and need in one glance, hoping maybe he'd just get it already and kiss me.

I was surprised when he suddenly pulled me up. We were face to face, already breathing hard and panting.

His expression was written over with passion.

It made my stomach clench.

He flipped us over again.

No kiss.

This time, as he made his way down my stomach to the promise land, I let my disappointment go as I tangled my hand in hair. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

As his mouth began to work over my panties, I was going to just let it happen, and get there the easy way.

But no, I had decided I wanted to take charge of the situation. So I flipped him over again, and sat directly on top of his crotch. I still had my panties on, but thankfully they were deliciously thin, so I could really get things going.

He gave me a confused look, wondering why I hadn't let him skiddle over my happy part.

"Self diagnosis Dr. Cullen." I was too gone to be embarrassed by how breathy my voice sounded.

I started a slow grind on top of him.

With any other man who was not Edward Cullen, this would not have been enough. I would not have been able to cum by just grinding.

But as it so happens, this was Edward Cullen. He had abs like a god, and was currently wearing a 'fuck me' expression. Even though I wasn't going to fuck him. It wasn't time yet. We were still new with this, and we weren't bored with what we were doing, so for now, no penetration.

Besides, he hadn't kissed me. I wasn't going to fuck him if he wasn't going to kiss me.

My hips began a slow, rolling dance above him while I undid my bra and began rubbing and playing with my own breasts. My eyes were clenched tightly and when I opened them, Edward's hands were behind his head. He was watching me, letting me do all the work.

That was fine by me.

I began moving up and down just a little bit, allowing my tits to bounce slightly, giving him the visual stimulation while I intensified the friction between my clit and his cock.

I fisted my hands in my own hair.

It was building slowly, like a clenching in the pit of my stomach, and I could feel him twitching beneath me.

I threw my head back and let out a low moan. "Yes." I whispered.

I continued my grind, my dance, being slightly jealous that he could feel more than I could with these panties on.

I began to move a little faster, just rolling my hips around and around, hoping for some assistance, when suddenly his hands were gripping my hips in a vice, and he began moving me around like a rag doll.

I loved it when he used me.

Another loud moan escaped my lips, and his hips began thrusting into mine as he moved me around and around, pushing me down into him.

He was a sight to behold. Eyes screwed shut tight in sexy intensity, sweat matting his hair to his forehead while he clenched his stomach, making his abs stand out more than usual.

His mouth parted slightly and a strangled groan fell past his lips.

Our eyes met as when looked at his face again.

"Bella." he whispered.

"Edward." I said, my fingers reaching out to trace his lips.

His thrusting intensified, and he moved me a little bit harder.

And then I fell over the edge, throwing my head back and whining as the waves of pleasure flew threw me. Edward grunted and came soon after, my body limp in his arms.

We lay there for a while, as I replayed the way we whispered each others names.

Was it just in the throes of passion, or did I imagine a flicker of love in his eyes?

It was passion. Definitely passion.

***

We were eating in the library. I had decided to finish my painting. After my afternoon with Edward, my inspiration had magically come back to me.

Edward bit into his Hot Pocket grumpily.

"You couldn't have cooked?"

"Not if I wanted to finish my painting. Besides, Hot Pocket's are God's gift to earth."

He rolled his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at the Pockets, Edward. They're bomb."

I finished my second one and got up to set out the easel.

It was time to put on the finishing touches. The accents.

You know, I told myself, you don't have to make his eyes green. They could be blue, or brown, or-

But it wouldn't feel right. And my art always had a feeling behind it.

I busied myself coloring in his eyes. They looked beautiful. And her lips, _my _lips.

When I had finally finished I looked at it in surprise.

I never, _ever_ finished my work so quickly. It was a process of months of deliberation and hours upon painstaking hours of sketching on paper, erasing and fixing, ruined canvas.

But here I was, and it had taken me a little over three days to do this. When this idea struck, it struck hard. And Edward was right. It _was _beautiful.

I felt my eyes get unexpectedly teary. It was Edward in my painting. There was no mistaking it.

Then he was standing beside me, and he cleared his throat gruffly.

"Bella… I-"

"I know, Edward."

He wanted to reassure me, to tell me things that didn't need to be said. To say that it was beautiful, and full of feeling.

But I didn't know if these were my feelings or specifically the painting's. Or if they were mine, if he would ever return them.

His hand reached out and grabbed mine, we stood there, looking at the canvas.

So many feelings were being connected through our hands. Longing, Happiness, A little bit of awkwardness, Security and Comfort.

Who was I kidding. This man wasn't just a friend.

Edward turned his head to face me and I looked at him. He gave me a shy smile and I returned it.

Love.

Downstairs the doorbell rang. But Edward and I were in our own world.

Alice would get it.

The doorbell rang again. And again. And again.

Alice wasn't here.

I reluctantly let go of Edward's hand.

After the look we had exchanged, it seemed weird to just say something normal to the other.

"I should-" he cleared his throat, as the doorbell rang again, whoever was on the other side annoyingly persistent.

He started out the door.

"I'll get it."

Our little bubble felt abruptly shattered, and I sat down on the ground with my head in my hands.

I heard Edward's approaching footsteps. I looked up as his head peeked in the door.

"Bella, someone here to see you. He wouldn't tell me who he was."

I frowned.

I headed down the stairs warily, wondering who would be standing there waiting for me.

My breath caught in my throat as I came in view of the doorway.

Jacob.

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**Just when things might be working out, we gotta throw in the ex.**

**-g**


	21. Changes

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**I have a song for this chapter. 'Sweet about me' Gabriella Cilmi. DO it. **

_**Disclaimer: Twilight no es mio. Me siento muy Mexicana.**_

_**____________________________________________________________________**_

Jacob.

Fucking Jacob.

I was fighting the urge to just kick him in the balls and slam the door in his face.

Once the shock began to subside, I was fucking pissed. He couldn't be doing this. Not now. He couldn't complicate things right when I'm figuring them out.

The nerve he had to show up here. At my home. Where I was starting my new life. Away from him. _Because _of him.

"Jacob." I said, continuing to stare at him, standing in the doorway with a weird expression on his face.

When I said his name, I saw Edward's posture change. He stiffened immediately, and his fists clenched. I felt my stomach flutter at his protectiveness.

"Bella."

I glared daggers at the dog.

"Can I come in?"

"No."

He ignored me and strode into my house without another word , which pissed me off even more.

He walked past me, coming to stand in the middle of the living room. He looked around, then said casually, "Nice place."

Was he really trying to be casual right now?

"What the fuck do you want you piece of cock rot?"

He looked at me in shock. He hadn't heard my mouth before.

He hardly ever listened to me, of course he hadn't heard my mouth.

"We need to talk." He shot a glare to Edward, who was standing behind me territorially. I rolled my eyes. If either of them started peeing on me, someone was going to die.

"We need to talk Jacob? Just letting you know, if you're here to break up with me, that's already been done." I heard Edward snicker behind me.

That's right Bella. Use the anger and sarcasm.

I looked at Edward pleadingly. He nodded and made to go into the kitchen.

He turned to give Jacob one last glare. I could feel the hate seep from his every pore. And he didn't even know him.

"Bella, I'm in here if you need me."

I nodded and he left.

I turned back to Jacob, the sneer on my face set, burning into my being.

"First of all, what the fuck makes you think you can walk in here and just-"

"Bella, I love you. I need you."

My mouth was hanging open in shock. I stepped towards him slowly.

"Oh, Jacob…" I said softly. "I love you too."

His eyes lit up. "Really, Bells?"

"No mother fucking way on the sweaty balls of Zeus."

His face fell.

"That was cruel, Bella."

I barked out a harsh laugh, it was mocking and sarcastic.

"Cruel? I'm _cruel_? Try you boning my best friend, Jacob. In _my _fucking apartment." I hadn't been expecting to talk about this, but now that it was coming out it felt good. I had to do this. There was no point to just kicking him out. He needed to hear this. I needed to _say _this.

I needed closure.

He scoffed. Big mistake. The way he sounded like a hormonal girl when he scoffed at me made me see red.

"_Our _apartment Bella."

I took one step closer to him, and I was happy to see him backing away slowly. I felt violent. And empowered. Deadly combination.

"No, Jacob. Not _our _apartment. Who was the one working? Paying for your shit, while you sat at home on your lazy ass getting head from the town whore!" I was picking at every little thing he said, letting my resentment and hatred be clear to him.

I felt my face getting red. The anger was boiling over.

"Well, Bella, if you want to start throwing accusations then that's fine by me."

I rolled my eyes. "I want to throw more than accusations, Jacob."

"Bella, I came here to get you back. To bring you back home, because I know you still want me."

My jaw dropped. The audacity this fucker had.

"The only thing I _want _is for you to have your tiny dick cut off and be submerged in acid."

He looked at me, a glint in his little eyes.

"You didn't think it was so tiny when I was satisfying you." He said it loud enough so Edward could hear, obviously thinking he was going to bother him. Had he always been this immature and cocky?

_Yes._

"_Satisfying me? _Was I unconscious when this satisfaction was happening? Because I don't remember it! You couldn't satisfy a head louse, Jacob."

"Bella, will you shut your mouth and stop being so childish?"

I felt the fury in my bones.

"Where the fuck do you get off calling me _childish? _Why don't you get off your ass, get a job, not fuck everything with a _vagina _and then you can call me childish! God where you _always _such a colossal douche or did this just happen?"

He sighed dramatically and rubbed at his eyes. "Bella, I didn't come to argue. I want to fix things."

I laughed again, in his face this time, I was so close to him, I could just reach out and smack his nasty face.

"Well you know what, _Jakey_?" he flinched at the venom in my voice. It was coming out now. And I didn't want to stop it.

"I don't. I don't want to _fix _things because there's nothing to fix. You were never anything to me but a mooching leech, who fucked me over in the end, just like everyone told me you would. But I didn't listen."

He opened his mouth, but I cut him off. I was just getting started. There was no way I would let this go like that.

"You probably went behind my back with random girls all the time, but I was too blind to see it. Maybe in the back of my head, I didn't _want _to see it. You see, I was under the impression you were actually a _decent _guy." I was hysterical by now, pulling at my hair, trying not to scream.

"And who the fuck do you think you are to show up here where I'm moving on, trying to act like you're _worth _something? You're not worth anything. You're shit, Jacob. Shit. And you can go back to Phoenix, and fuck all the hoes you want, because I'm not going back to be your fool, to be your _mommy._ I can't be giving and giving and getting nothing! You gave me nothing but empty promises and a hatred for men, because now I think they're all like _you."_

I was pacing.

"And the worst part of it is? You made me doubt myself. It's not that I lost you, Jake, because I couldn't care less. It's that in the midst of it all, I lost _myself._ You made me feel worthless. And I'm not. I'm not, and it's not up to you to decide who I am. I am better than you and your foolish decisions. Because now when you want to try to fix things? Its too late. You made your decision the first day you fucked some chick. It's too fucking late, and I'm happy." I realized I was doing more than telling him. I was telling myself. I was assuring myself.

"It's ridiculous because of a prick like you, I can't trust perfectly amazing men, men like that guy waiting for me in the kitchen." Well that slipped out. Jacob's eyes hardened in jealousy.

I face him head on.

"Now, you don't mean anything. You're just a bad memory that'll fade. So help me forget, Jacob. Get the _fuck _out of my house."

He stood there, wide eyed, open mouthed, before he regained his composure.

He looked me dead in the eyes. There was anger there. And he was vicious when he was angry. He had obviously forgotten the 'reason' he came here.

"You're wrong. You are worthless. I'm sorry I even tried to get your bitch ass to come back with me."

I just looked at him. I had nothing more to say.

He turned around, and as he walked out, he said, quite clearly.

"Ugly cunt."

Before I could do anything, Edward had flown out of the kitchen, and socked Jacob in the side of the head.

I stood there in disbelief. He dragged Jacob out before my eyes and dumped him on the front stops.

Then, Edward Cullen, the very same man who was decent and nice, spat on Jake's dazed form. He _spit _on him. Then he let loose this gem:

"Rot in hell you Sac licker."

And he slammed the door on him.

That would've been very funny if I weren't completely emotionally drained and wounded at that moment. It was too much to see his face, to let all of those words out, too hear him say that to me as he walked out, to feel that he was right, even when I was trying to act all confident.

I slumped to the floor and began to cry silently.

That ass could do this much damage in fifteen minutes.

My chest began to heave from the relief and pain. Relief because I got to tell him, Finally. Pain because, well god dammit, it hurt.

Edward's arms were around me then and he pulled me into his lap. He rubbed soothing circles into my back, stroking my hair while he whispered reassurances.

I cried. And cried. And sniffled and sobbed.

When I finally calmed down I just lay in Edward's arms while he comforted me. It made me think of the day he told me about his father. He was returning the favor.

"So that's the cheating asswipe? I think I can forgive your harsh treatment of me."

I smiled into his chest.

"That's him."

"If it makes you feel better, I keyed his car while you were in here."

I giggled softly.

He chuckled with me. Then he pulled me out at an arm's length, suddenly serious.

"Bella, you were so… strong today. What you said to him. I have never heard anyone with more conviction in their voice."

I nodded slowly, looking down at my lap. His hands entwined with mine.

"He reacted like he did because what you said to him hit home. He knows it's true. I don't even know why he came back." he said quietly.

"He came back because this is like a prize for him, a game. He figured he could get me back, it'd be like winning." I fought the urge to scream at the frustration and adrenaline still coursing through me.

"He's an idiot. You're much too smart for that."

I laughed weakly. Smart?

"Obviously not, I'm still crying aren't I?"

"I would think you weren't normal if you didn't cry. He's draining to be around, and he was only here for fifteen minutes. _And _I wasn't even in the _room _and he pissed me off."

"I'm not as strong as I seem to be, Edward."

"Yes you are, Bella. You're stronger than you think. You could've shut the door from him, run away, and suppressed it. But you faced him head on."

"Not the first time. I ran away the first time. That's why I'm here."

"That doesn't matter anymore, Bella. What matters is that you didn't run away today."

"I'm worthless." I whispered as a tear fell into my lap. I was too far gone to care about looking vulnerable.

He pulled my chin up roughly to look at him, and his green eyes were shining with so much intensity, my breath caught.

"Don't you ever, _ever _say that Isabella. Especially not in response to the words of that imbecile. You have more worth, intelligence, beauty and passion in one ass cheek than most people can have in their _lives. _Especially that fucker. He has no right to judge you. He's the worthless one, and you know it."

He spoke with so much finality and truth ringing in his voice that I could do nothing but looking into his eyes, and hope to find what I was looking for.

His gaze held so much.

"You're beautiful, Bella. And amazing. No one can ever tell me or you different."

He lightly kissed my forehead, and I was actually happy with the gesture this time. He held my hands tighter. And as we looked into each other's eyes, hands clasped together, I felt it change.

Every time I got close to him, he made me feel weak and alive and happy. All I saw was his face even when I didn't want to admit it, all I needed was his touch. His lips on my skin, his voice. Even if he hadn't kissed me. The way he made me feel when he reassured me just then, and everything was clear even as it muddied again.

Things had changed between me and Edward Cullen.

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**-g**


	22. Idiot

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**1smalltree- yeah those lines were quite familiar!**

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**Okay, let's peek into Eddie's head.**

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_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own smutty showers.**_

_________________________________________________________________________

A glorious three weeks of Bella.

Three weeks of her tongue, her tits, her taste.

Three weeks of amazing and stimulating late night conversations, her giggles, her cooking and her not so secret love of my stubble.

Since the first night that I had let bravery take me over and licked her up and down, over and over, I found that I would never, _never _get enough of her. Ever.

The time that followed the first night will forever be known as the best three weeks of my life.

Apart from that, I got my job. Alice was floating on a cloud of bliss because of Jasper, and Rose was completely over her head in planning. I loved seeing them happy.

And the painting. God, that painting. It just…said so much.

So many things, and all at once, it made me realize.

I loved Bella Swan.

I may not have been in love with her yet, but it was only a matter of time.

So I couldn't kiss her.

And I knew she noticed, how could she not? I could make her cum seven ways to Saturday, but I hadn't kissed her yet.

I couldn't.

Because while we were sexing it up without the sex part, that was fine. That was all physical, and it was driven by lust.

If I kissed her, I would let all my feelings out, and she would see just how much I loved her. And that would scare her, and she would run away.

And I couldn't let that happen. I knew it frustrated her, I could see it in her eyes. And I desperately wanted to, I did.

But it wasn't worth the risk that she would leave.

And beside that, I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted to let her know that I was kissing her to really _kiss _her, to feel her. Not just in some passion driven moment. She deserved worship, especially since Jacob. And I would give it to her.

My god. _Jacob._

His name pissed me off. Seeing her so utterly defeated and broken after standing up to him made me want to set the ass fuck on fire.

I punched him. And threw him out. And _spit _on him.

Love does crazy things.

And then I held her while she cried, remembering her doing the same thing for me when we made up. And it made me smile a little bit that I could be a source of comfort when she was feeling like this.

All the while I was holding her, I was fighting to not engage in a touchdown dance.

In the first moment that she saw him and said his name, I panicked. What if she wanted him back? What if she left?

And then I saw the anger on her face. Then I heard what she said to him.

And It made me ecstatic, even though that was wrong.

What made me even angrier was hearing her say she was worthless, and seeing in her eyes that for whatever reason, she believed that to be true.

I told her that was a bowl of shit, and for a second, just a second, I let it slip.

I showed her my love in one look to her.

And she didn't run away from me.

Something changed in her eyes.

I would have to kiss her soon.

Take a chance.

***

I was in the shower, just letting the steam run over me, when I felt tiny arms wrap around my naked body.

I jumped. I hadn't even heard her come in.

I turned to face her, our now wet bodies sliding against each other.

She smirked a cocky grin at me, raising an eyebrow.

She was so beautiful it hurt.

"Just thought you might want a little company Cullen."

I grinned at her.

"You thought right Swan."

I had expected maybe a little foreplay, so neck nibbling, some touching, but no. She wanted to get straight to the point today.

She dropped to her knees and looked up at me.

Bella. Naked and wet. Kneeling in front of me, looking up at me through those thick lashes, pouty lips smiling up, while she, god bless her, palmed her perfect tits.

The sight was enough to make me blow a load right there.

She licked me in one long stroke up my dick, like an ice cream cone, and I let my head fall back against the wall while hot water fell down my body, and Isabella Swan worked me over with her mouth.

I could feel her hot little tongue swirling and twerking me, while she used her delicate little hands to stroke my base, and cup my balls, bringing me that much closer to oblivion.

I came hard, but with Bella, was there any other way?

Not even questioning what had brought on this little episode, I quickly pulled her up to reciprocate, looking into her face for only a moment before I made my way down to pleasure her.

The look on her face in that instant was hopeful, and wanting. But I, being the tactless jack off I am, ignored it.

_Not now. It wasn't right._

Her taste took over my senses, and her hands came down, one to my neck to push my face, the other to grasp my hair.

She liked my hair.

She came quickly, her thighs clenching around my face, as I decided not to drag this one out. I expected her to maybe linger in the shower for a moment.

But she simply stepped out , but not before she shot me a look of disappointment. A very clearly pointed look of disappointment, that told me without words just what she thought was going to happen. What brought this little episode on.

"Bella?" I looked at her, feeling confused.

She sighed and turned around, shaking her head.

_She thought I was going to kiss her. She wanted me to kiss her._

"Oh, Bella, I'm- I'm sorry." I whispered to her, wanting to convey in those simple words how sorry I really was.

She gave me a forced smile.

"For what? It's fine, Edward."

She walked out of the bathroom, leaving me standing there feeling like a dumb ass.

She probably felt used, felt not important enough. I wonder why it matters to her so much?

Unless she's starting to feel how I do.

It's a fucking kiss, Edward. Stop being such a pussy.

Show her how important she was too me. She wasn't just a sex object.

She was my Bella.

**____________________________________________________________________**

**Review. **

**-g**


	23. Worse and Better

**Loveee my reviewers.**

**Yeah I know, 22 chaps and no kiss. Im evil.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own trips.**_

________________________________________________________________________

Things had _definitely _changed between Edward and I.

I had no idea if for the better or the worse yet, but they were different.

For instance, our hook-ups had become less frequent. And when they did happen, there was no teasing or playing. Just straight up, make me cum.

So that was worse.

But our conversations were better now. More in depth, more stimulating, less coated with sexual tension.

So that was better.

And I loved him.

That was-…I have no idea.

At least it hadn't been a crazy ass epiphany that just hit me while I was in the middle of the store or something. It built slowly. It crept up on me, sneakily. It had been growing and growing, and somewhere between our late night conversations, cooking together and our little adventures together, I was in love.

He was patient and kind and not perfect. And he didn't pretend to be. He wasn't like any man I had met before. And he worked to prove that to me.

Three days since Jake came to the house. Three days of me moping, Edward trying to cheer me up, before Alice told me that we were going shopping, and to stop being a little bitch.

Which made me mope more.

She insisted on a new outfit for the opening, which was in- fuck me. Four days.

I was both nervous and excited, but more excited, especially since it finally felt complete with my painting which I titled 'Green Eyed Reflection'.

It was perfect.

Except for the shopping.

Alice told me my wardrobe needed a makeover, plus Rose was going to start shopping for maternity clothes.

I thought it was a bit early for that, but Alice just rolled her eyes and said, 'Do you know Rosalie?"

So shopping it was.

We were going tomorrow, and there were to be no arguments.

***

Tonight was spaghetti night, and I had made garlic bread to go with it. The table let me know how much they fucking loved it, moaning like we were having an orgy instead of bread and pasta.

The whole gang was together for once, plus Jasper.

Alice had the day off tomorrow for our shopping trip, and Jasper kept shooting me 'good luck' glances.

I sat by Edward at the kitchen table, reminiscing on how fun it had been to cook with him. It was just… hilarious.

He was so cute when he was confused, and he got a lot of that when I asked him for a tool, or an ingredient. Poor boy was _so _lost.

But the meal had turned out good, and the conversation was flowing and amicable.

"So then Alice, who had been bending over in front of the poor man the whole time, in a short skirt, no panties, turns around and says ' You're gay anyway, aren't you?"

Jasper let out the punch line of his story about a certain incident at their favorite restaurant the other night, I laughed along with them, but I wasn't all there.

I was, of course, pondering my situation. Which seemed to happen a lot these days.

The night in the shower. That was my plan to just, do it. I was going to go for it and just kiss him. I didn't understand why it was such a big deal! It shouldn't be. It wasn't.

So why couldn't I do it myself?

I was scared.

Of rejection.

Like every other person on the planet.

Fuck.

Stop being a pussy Bella.

"Bella? Bella? Hellooooo??" Alice was waving her hand in front of my face, and I snapped back to reality.

"Mm?"

Alice's eyebrows came together.

"You looked a little lost there.."

I smiled passively. "Yeah, I just…zoned out for a minute there. What happened?"

"I was wondering what time you wanted to go shopping tomorrow."

I grimaced. "Does it matter what I say?"

"No, not at all. I've already decided. We're going at eight. Just being polite."

She smiled condescendingly at me and I scoffed.

"Eight in the fucking morning?"

"Gotta start early!" She chirped, beginning to clear empty dishes with Jasper.

Emmett's cell phone rang, he checked the screen, grinned and walked into the living room to take his call.

I sat at the table, looking at Rose and Edward.

"So…Any cravings yet Rose?"

She smiled. "Chocolate. But that's normal."

I laughed, then lowered my voice, so as not to offend Emmett, with his supersonic bat ears.

"Are you sure it's a girl?"

Rose rolled her blue eyes. "He's _positive _but I'm going to laugh when it comes out with a dick."

Edward shook his head. "Such beautiful language for the expecting mother."

Rose stood up. "When has my language _ever _been beautiful Edward?"

She left the room, Edward and I sat looking at each other.

"Do you-"

"Will you-"

We began at the same time, laughing and telling the other to go first. I had been hoping to ask him for this for weeks.

I gave in. "Will you play for me?" I said softly. Edward hadn't played the piano for me in almost a month.

He nodded, looking slightly perplexed at the same time.

"Of course." Holding out his hand, he led me past Emmett who was whispering furiously into his cellphone, and up the stairs.

We sat on his piano bench in his room, and things felt a little awkward. I looked around, memorizing details I had never noticed before. His golden bedspread, the black walls, his CD collection that made me drool.

"Bella?"

I looked up at him. "Edward."

I don't know why we were whispering. But this felt like a moment that needed to be quiet, not punctuated with exclamations and loud laughter.

He spoke softly, and his voice made me shiver. It was beautiful, and I wondered what it would sound like if he were singing. To me.

"What do you want me to play?"

"Anything."

He began a soft, mourning melody, it was slow, and the darkness of it was punctuated by light, shimmering notes. It flowed smoothly into a suave tinkling. I could clearly identify every emotion in the melody. It was so complex all I could do was watch his long fingers work swiftly over the keys, until my eyes blurred.

His song came to an end, and he turned to me.

It took him about a second to notice I was crying.

He wiped a tear from my cheek with feather soft tenderness.

"Beautiful." I managed to choke out.

"It's yours." He told me.

***

We found ourselves In the kitchen at three in the morning, digging through an ice cream carton.

"Edward you finished the chocolate!"

"Ou nt eet eet!" He spoke through a full mouth.

"What?!"

He swallowed. "You don't need it."

I smacked him. "There better be more in that freezer!"

There was Neapolitan.

I picked at the chocolate.

Edward frowned. "You're one of those people aren't you?"

I smiled. "The ones who pick at the best flavor? Yeah, I am."

"I learn something new about you every day."

I smiled into the carton.

"That you do."

We sat in silence while I picked at the chocolate.

"You've been really distracted lately."

"Have I?" My heart started to race and I didn't know why. Yes I did.

"Yeah."

"Just…uh, just nervous for the opening."

He nodded, but I could see in his eyes he didn't believe me.

I faked a yawn, hoping to be able to run off to bed. The tense atmosphere was too much.

He knew.

My god, he knew.

It was too soon, unprecedented, he thought I was in love with him

He _knew _I was in love with him.

And he didn't feel the same way. I didn't know if that was for the best or the worst.

"I'm going to go to bed. Shopping torture tomorrow." I chuckled nervously, and it sounded dry and forced, even to me. I turned to walk away, feeling his eyes on my back.

I was almost out of there. Almost out of there.

"Bella?"

My breath caught. "Yeah?"

"Whatever it is you're worried about? I'm sure it's without cause."

I left the kitchen quickly, making my way downstairs.

*&*

In the kitchen, Edward whispered into the dark.

"I love you Bella Swan."

*&*

Six fifty two in the morning.

I awoke to the shrilling of Alice in my ear.

"Isabella! Get your ass up! We're going to be late!"

"I wasn't aware we had an appointment." I mumbled into my pillow grumpily.

"Bella, I'm this close to stripping you out of those fabulous panties of yours and dragging you into the shower."

I jumped up.

"Whore." I muttered as I walked to the shower.

A hot shower was the perfect place to just relax, and try not to panic. Edward knew. I was almost sure.

The way he looked at me sometimes… it gave me proof.

God, how I hoped there was even a chance in hell he might love me too.

And even if he did love me? What if he… I didn't even want to think it.

What was stopping him from pulling a Jake on me?

The thought felt wrong in my head. Totally, utterly wrong. It didn't belong there.

_And that's how you know, Bella. Nothings stopping him, but himself._

_***_

"Alice, pass me one more fucking shirt that shows my fucking tits up to my nipples and I'll rip off your acrylics, I swear I will."

I could practically feel her roll her eyes through the dressing room door.

"We're moving onto dresses next, Bella, I promise. You need something for Saturday night!"

I gulped. Saturday night. My opening.

No worries, Bella. None.

We quickly exited the dressing rooms while Rose ambled over with a flowy pink shirt in her hands.

Her cheeks were flushed pink, her voice breathless. "I can't wait until I can fit into this."

Alice laughed. "It's not every woman you meet that can't wait until there a size XXL."

Alice quickly paid, throwing a silky black top in. She winked at me. "For you and Edward."

I blushed as I tried to scowl.

"Okay!" Alice said as she darted into Nordstrom.

"Perhaps we'll find something acceptable here. "Then we can head to Vicky's Bella." She winked.

Rose busied herself looking at a gauzy light green dress. Pregnancy suited her. She wasn't high strung or angry or pissy anymore. She had kind of a maddening sense of calm and cool all the time now which she attributed to 'having a new sense of purpose.'

"You know Rose, I like the maternity look you're going for here. Is it like a 'Free Wind' thing?"

"I was actually thinking picnic in July in a field of flowers.'"

Alice nodded in agreement. "It'll work for you. Happy preggo mama goes all hippie."

Rose smiled.

We walked along, Alice picking up various dresses that she said would 'accompany my skin tone', which was a winter apparently. Whatever the fuck that was.

"So," Rose said while she examined a peach colored pair of yoga pants. "You love Edward."

Blunt cunt.

They both looked up at me under their eyelashes like they had just asked me if I liked green tea.

I looked around, mock confused. Avoid, Bella, AVOID!

"Oh look," I said, running toward a rack of clothes. "Tunics!"

Perfect diversionary tactic Bella. Perfect.

Alice and Rose followed, undeterred, while I tried to hide my panic.

How the fuck did they _know?_

"You're so obvious, Bella. You guys spend all your time locked in your bedroom, doing Alice-knows-what, you giggle like schoolgirls, he's playing you music on his piano- which he never does for anyone unless he's performing-"

"He doesn't?"

"No. And you're in love with him. And he loves you. Now stop being stupid. DO something about it." Alice nonchalantly checked the price on some turquoise earrings.

Rosalie nodded slowly, eyes wide, while she looked at me.

"I- I-" I stammered. They were so…observant. It pissed me off. Not even I was sure yet, and here they were telling it to me like they were fucking psychics.

"You do, Bella. Admit it."

I gaped at her, shocked by her boldness.

Alice thrust a pile of clothes into my arms.

"First try these on. We'll discuss this over lunch."

***

I sat at the table across from Alice and Rosalie, untouched plates of sushi between us.

They were staring at me, and I felt like I was being interrogated.

I sighed heavily and poked a California roll.

"Okay Bella. We'll do this the hard way, or the easy way." Rosalie narrowed her eyes at me.

"I feel like this a good cop-bad cop type of scheme."

Alice grinned at me. "No, no, sweet Bell. This is a bad cop bad cop situation."

More silence.

"I…I don't know what to say."

Alice pinched a crab roll between her forefinger candy red acrylic, and her thumb. She briefly examined it, before flinging it at me. It hit me on the nose. She always did have impeccable aim.

I stared at her in shock.

"Let's start here Bella. When did this happen? I knew you were getting along and all, but Jesus! That was fast!"

"I don't know when It happened. I just…figured it out."

"This was recent?" Rose joined in now.

"Like…yesterday recent."

They looked at each other and nodded, like they understood.

"Sudden isn't it?" Alice asked while she mixed wasabi and soy sauce.

"Not really. I think…" I looked them square in the eye. "I've known for a while. But I refused to-"

"To acknowledge it because of Jacob?"

I just looked away. They knew me too well. They could figure my mind out when I had no hope of even traipsing through the treacherous depths.

And then I realized. It was now or never. They didn't know yet.

"Jacob came to see me."

Their jaws dropped in perfect tandem and it would've been quite comical if I didn't know what was coming.

Alice picked up another crab roll and flung it at me.

"Are you high?"

I just stared.

"You decided not to tell us this why?!" Rosalie's hormones were kicking in.

"Because. It happened four days ago."

"Bella that's like 17 months in girl years!"

I sighed for the hundreth time.

"I know."

I began to recount my tale of Jacob.

By the end of it, Rosalie's eyes were watering, though I didn't know if it was because of the story, or the hormones and wasabi. But Alice was looking at me with a glint in her eye.

"I knew that mouth of yours would come in handy some day."

I weakly mumbled. "That's what she said."

Alice got up and hugged me.

"Oh, Bella. Well, look at it this way. When he punches your cheating ex-boyfriend, it's love."

I laughed weakly.

"Yeah. I have some figuring out to do."

Rose leaned back in her seat, hand son her full belly, looking at it as if she was willing it to grow.

"Sounds like you have a pretty figured out to me. You kicked Jake's ass to the curb, and Edward was your shoulder to cry on. That's like… Bella minus Jacob plus Edward equals love."

Trust Rose to put it into math and simplify it.

Alice looked at Rose.

"She's scared he'll be her rebound."

I sat up straight, surprised by the strength of the emotion in me, anger. "Edward would never, _ever _be just a rebound_. _He's more than that. He's everything." the words fell out of my mouth, and I couldn't do anything but sit there and stare. It was out now.

Alice cocked an eyebrow.

"There's your answer. Bella. You're scared because of Jake, but you just answered your own fears. He's everything."

I looked into my lap.

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?" I said it quietly, half hoping to he heard, half hoping it wouldn't be.

Alice scoffed so harshly I thought she was choking.

"Are you serious? God, your whole 'insecure little girl' shit pisses me off. Obviously you haven't been looking at the way he looks at you." Rose was looking at me in mild boredom.

Alice leaned over the table and placed her hand over mine..

"You have _nothing _to lose, Bella. But Edward does. I'll cut off his dick if he hurts you."

"And that's no joke," Rose finished, sipping her drink.

I sat and pondered, realizing that inadvertently, I had just gotten my shit figured out. Well, _they _had gotten my shit figured out. It was new, and it was scary, but I loved Edward. I wanted to find out everything I could about him. I wanted to cook with him while he bumbled around the kitchen. I wanted to talk to him until four in the morning on my window seat. I wanted firsts together. I wanted to _kiss _him.

No need to rush, I told myself. Savor the revelation.

New love is always the best. Before shit goes wrong.

I quickly slit pessimistic Bella's throat. _Not now._

Alice gave me a pointed look.

"Fuck this dramatic, depressed shit. We're women in love! Let's go out and get smashed!"

Rose looked at her belly. "Minus 2, Alice."

Alice laughed. "Minus 2, Rose."

"Alice what're you plotting?"

"We're going to 'Blue' my women."

I grinned. Finally.

________________________________________________________________________

**Woo!**

**Yeuh, go bella, go bella!**

**Love you all:**

**Leave me a review and one of your most embarrassing moments. I'm going to need some ideas for my poor Bella next chapter.**

**Mwahaha**

**May the best humiliation win.**

**;)**

**-g**


	24. Drunk

_**Blue= Jazz club Edward plays at occasionally. (See chapter 8, towards the middle.)**_

_**Minus 2= Rosalie saying she can't get smashed, because she's pregnant. So minus two people for the club drinking.**_

**Thank you for your embarrassing stories. I giggled, and chuckled, and spit orange juice all over my cousin.**

**The one I chose will be used eventually, but until then, if you have more ideas, keep em coming.**

**Hurrah!**

**Okay, here we go with Bitchella and Sickward.**

_**Disclaimer: Je ne suis pas propriétaire Twilight. Je suis propriétaire d'une déception.**_

**________________________________________________________________________**

Finally.

Dancing.

One thing I could finally do to show off. I was a woman of many talents.

Shaking my ass was one of them.

After lunch, Alice insisted we run to one more store, just for another outfit.

I agreed. I _wanted _to look my best.

Edward was playing tonight. Let's just say I wanted to inspire beautiful music.

So here I was, being attacked by Alice. But I actually wanted it this time.

"Aren't you going to straighten or curl or something?"

Alice removed the comb from her mouth.

"No, not tonight. This is a _jazz _club in downtown LA. We're going 'more is more' tonight, 'bigger is better'."

She began to spray and tease my hair. "Rose, hand me that black eyeshadow."

I flinched.

"Oh, and Bella?"

"Mm?"

"You're wearing leather tonight."

I could hear the grin in her voice.

***

I stood in the mirror, Alice grinning behind me like the cat who killed the canary.

"Admit it Bella."

"I like it."

"Oh, please. You're wetting your lacy panties right now."

I grimaced.

So she did do a good job.

A really good job.

I looked like sex.

My hair was teased as much as I would allow, and the volume and natural curls in my hair made me feel like a girl from queens. In a good way.

She opted for black and grey smoky eye makeup, no eyeliner, but a good amount of mascara, that made my already thick lashes criminal.

I was wearing dark wash denim jeans that were practically tattooed on, and I briefly wondered how I would get them off tonight.

_How would Edward get them off tonight?_

The black silk top Alice had bought was being showcased on me tonight, and I did look quite bangable. A leather jacket (so I did end up in leather) adorned my shoulders

And heels. Three inch black stilettos. There was no point in arguing.

I looked hot. And I was ready to dance.

Rose wore dark greens, Alice opted for reds, and we looked fuckworthy tonight.

I was quite excited.

Edward had called the club earlier and asked, to the managers delight, if he could play tonight.

Turns out her was quite popular around there, and it had been a while since he had played.

So he was already there.

Jasper and Emmett were riding with us, and they were wearing jeans, boots, and what else? Leather jackets.

We looked like a biker gang.

For the first time in a long time, I was excited to go out, get crazy, and look hot.

Especially since Alice's Bella Barbie time had turned into Bella Biker time.

Shwag.

We arrived and Rosalie walked up to the bouncer.

"Five for Edward Cullen."

He nodded stoically and let us in.

The inside was unbelievable.

The theme seemed to be 1940's mobster. The bartenders were wearing pinstripes, there were what I hope were fake old fashioned machine guns on the walls.

The whole places color scheme was red and black, and it had a smoke, haze feel to it.

Everyone here seemed to be dressed according to the whole, dark, sultry type thing.

The stage was illuminated in a spotlight, and there was a piano. But no Edward.

Alice leaned in to whisper to me.

"He'll be out in ten minutes. Let's get a drink."

The bartenders spoke in slang too, and it lifted my spirits.

"Check out these swanky dames Boss."

Alice grinned at him.

"Hey Demetri."

"It's K Smalls to you birdie."

She giggled.

"The usual, babe?"

"Yeah. And get my friend here a 'Screaming Orgasm.'" She gestured to me.

He winked suggestively. "That I can do."

He was cute. Tall, blonde, muscular, lilting green eyes, and he had his long hair in a ponytail. That pin stripe suit was doing wonders for him.

A rather large man walked out from the backroom. He was huge, but just a bit smaller than Emmett.

"Hey, Felix." Alice greeted him. He grinned back, and it was laced with menace. Not quite as sweet as Emmett's. Not even close.

"Whose the lovely lady, Alice?"

"This is Bella. She just moved here from Phoenix."

Felix leaned across the counter, dangerously close to me.

"If you need me to show you around. I'm always willing." I blushed at the implications in his voice, but nodded and smiled, grabbing my drink and heading to where Rose, Em, and Jasper were seated.

"So, Bella. Felix looked pretty friendly with you." Rose sipped at her perrier and eyed me.

"That fucker is trouble." Emmett looked at the bar the whole time, most likely engaged in a stare down with the not-so-gentle giant.

"Oh, Em lighten up. He's a nice kid."

"Tell that to Jane."

This piqued my interest. "Jane?"

"His girlfriend," Rose clarified.

"His punching bag." Emmett muttered darkly.

Jasper and I just looked at each other, somewhat happy to not be totally involved in this world.

The crowd's chatter abruptly went silent, and I noticed the spotlight on the piano dim just a bit, as all the other lights turned to a smoky burgundy, casting an eerie but sensual glow on the club.

I followed everyone's gaze to the stage. My jaw dropped, and I stepped on it.

Edward was sitting there, at the piano, but he looked- my god.

Black. All black. A black button up, unbuttoned three buttons, rolled up to show off his fore arms, black dress pants, black boots.

God, I think I just came.

He sat down with a serious, soulful expression on his face, and for once it belonged there.

The first few notes of his song began to float through the room as he began to play.

I recognized this tune- I did. But from where?

Then, his mouth opened, and the angels came down from the heavens.

I'm not even exaggerating.

_Besame. Besame mucho,_

_Como si fuera esta noche_

_La ultima vez_

_Besame. Besame mucho._

_Que you no puedo perderte, _

_Perderte despues._

Oh my god.

His voice was sweet and bitter, salt and sugar, velvet and nails. Lilting and smooth, but with a slight catch, a tiny raspy quality that pretty much summed Edward up all at once. Beauty and Pain.

Yup. I just came.

And the lyrics. I knew enough Spanish from poor high school education to roughly translate. That and it was one of my favorite songs ever.

Besame? Kiss me. Mucho? A lot.

Kiss me a lot.

That fucker.

He was going to be the death of me. Who the fuck was I kidding? He _was _the death of me.

I wanted to be angry at him for suggesting anything with this song, but it was so beautiful, and there was so much feeling…

And I was a fool in love.

I tuned out everyone else.

I tuned out the women groaning over how gorgeous he was, I ignored Felix's stare from the bar. I ignored every other feeling in me except everything Edward.

I knew it was impossible, I knew it, it was much too dark. He couldn't see me. Could he?

But his eyes met mine, and I could feel him looking at me while he sang. He was looking directly at me.

_Besame. Besame mucho, _

_Que you no quiero perderte._

_Perderte despues._

Fuck.

I was getting in his pants. Tonight.

He finished all too soon, and the crowd applauded.

The women a little too enthusiastically I noticed.

My drink was gulped down, quickly. A shot of vodka appeared at my side.

I didn't question. I drank. And prayed to the gods of drinking that I wouldn't throw up on Edward.

He flowed smoothly into another song.

It wasn't familiar, and I wondered what it was.

Rose looked at Alice. "This one is new."

_Your eyes are where I find_

_That I can be safe_

_And you never leave my mind_

_Your strength gives me faith_

_Your arms are my comfort_

_Your lips are my love_

_And you were sent to me_

_From heaven above_

_You're_

_Everything that I've ever wanted_

_Your voice leaves me, breathless, haunted_

_And I don't care if you hate me_

_I don't care if you do_

_All that I could've wanted_

_was to love you_

_Firsts,_

_I got what i needed, _

_I know I'm conceited_

_I might be a little gay too_

_But that doesn't matter,_

_No it doesn't matter_

_If I get to love you_

His song ended, and it was too short. Too short. The woman clapped a little less enthusiastically, obviously turned off by the love in his voice.

I sat there shell shocked. On the edge of tears, and running up there to just, kill him and love him at the same time.

I couldn't even think.

Another shot. I drank it.

This is fucking impossible.

I stole Emmett's shot, drank it.

There's no way.

A new song started.

He jazzed it up a little bit, inviting couples to come dance on the floor, obviously not wanting people to be turned off by the love songs.

I turned to Rose.

"He _wrote _that?"

She rolled her eyes. "Obviously."

"He _writes _shit now?"

"Always has."

Another shot.

Fuck. It was for me. There was no doubt. Even I couldn't maneuver around that.

So what does this mean? God, it was too much for one day. First, the realization that I love him, and now, _this._

It was too perfect. Pessimistic Bella rose from the dead and broke Optimistic Bella's nose.

God, I just don't want it to go wrong.

Finally, Alice got up, dragging Jasper to the dance floor.

Rose gave me a look, asking me for permission to go dance. I gestured her onward. Then I finished Alice's drink.

I watched the couples move for a while, looking happy and just plain shining.

Why the hell was I sitting here being emo when I came here to dance? I was _excited _to dance.

Fuck it. I'm going. I walked onto the floor, somewhat buzzed, and immediately moved to the tune of his music. This was more of my art. Dance classes worked wonders for confidence.

Thankfully the music wasn't slow, so I didn't have to feel awkward.

I let the beat wash over me as I moved, forgetting and just- letting go. It felt good, and I wanted to show off, so I let some of my more impressive moves bust in. Edward's music was perfect for my mood today. Jazzy and fun, but with a little bit of slow to go with it.

Some random person came up behind me and I danced with him for a song.

Finally, three songs later, I was exhausted. I think Edward might've been playing those tunes for me to dance to. My suspicions were cemented when I sat down and a slow song began, along with his crooning.

I eyed a half empty glass across the table

Okay, I need to stop that. I was having alcoholic tendencies. I let my forehead rest on the table.

Fuck me. Jesus.

_You know what Bella? _said the little voice in my head, _You're making shit too complicated. I think you LIKE drama._

I sat up, angry.

Who the fuck are you to say that little voice?!

Little voice rolled her eyes. _He loves you. You love him. Easiest shit ever. And stop drinking by yourself. You look pathetic._

Little voice disappeared.

Fuck.

My head drooped on the table again. I sat there, listening to Edward's voice and playing until I felt a light tap on my shoulder.

I looked up groggily, quite under the influence by now.

Felix stood there, grinning at me.

"Hello there. You looked lonely."

He sat down.

I put my head in my hands.

"Yeah, being a crazy bitch does that to you."

He chuckled.

"I'm on my break, care to dance?"

I was drunk. He looked hotter. What could I say?

"Sure, I'd love to."

He led me to the dance floor, partly because I didn't know where it was by now.

The music felt sexy, the lighting was sexy, Felix was sexy.

He held me close to his body, and we moved together. Actually it was more of him holding me up while he slowly ground his crotch into me.

"What's a beautiful girl like yourself doing here without a date?"

I smiled drunkenly. "Being a crazy bitch."

He leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"I like crazy bitches."

Because I was drunk, and because I was horny, I giggled like a schoolgirl, completely ignoring little voice, who was yelling _Danger! Danger! Remember Edward?_

Fuck you, little voice.

I pressed myself closer to Felix. He pulled me closer to him. His hands dropped dangerously close to my denim clad ass.

We moved for a little while like this, until I caught a glimpse of Edward's perfect, beautiful face. He was totally absorbed in his playing, and he looked a little bit troubled.

He doesn't love me. He can't. I'm nowhere near good enough. That song was obviously some kind of a joke. Or for another girl. Pessimistic Bella was smashed now, and she was vicious. Only one thing to do.

"I need a drink."

Felix, once again, led me to the bar, where I threw back a shot and some kind of fruity drink like it was fresh water and I was in a desert.

I could feel Felix's leer on me, and sober Bella would've been uncomfortable. Drunk Bella didn't give a rat's shit.

Suddenly, his arm was around my waist, his other hand rubbing my thigh, and his breath was in my ear.

"I'm off the clock. We could go somewhere."

I couldn't feel anything. I could only see myself nodding like a dumb ass, while, once again, my conscience screamed at me.

_No! No Bella!_

Here's what would've happened:

Felix and I would've gone to a room, where I would've gotten thoroughly fucked, almost and probably against my will. Edward would be so hurt by what I did, he'd never forgive me, and we never would get together. I would never find a man, and I'd live with forty cats until I died at the age of 67 in a freak accident involving an oven and a Satsuma.

But alas, today the fates were on my side.

Another arm snaked around me.

I felt an odd sense of comfort, even though I didn't know who it was, I was too fucking wasted to know who it was.

A smooth voice sharpened with menace filled my senses.

"Time for a break. Felix, could you get me a scotch on the rocks?"

"I'm off work Cullen."

I could hear the smile in his voice even thought I felt like I was under water.

"Not for another seven minutes. Times 'a wastin'." I heard grumbling, as no doubt, Felix walked off.

I was being taken somewhere, hopefully somewhere to sit.

I was sat down in a chair, and left alone.

I felt sad.

Then, he returned with coffee. Where the fuck did he get coffee?

"Drink this, Bella."

I obliged, making a funny face when I tasted it.

Black.

We sat in silence while I drank.

It was probably ten or twenty minutes before I felt my thoughts return. I was buzzed, but not drunk.

I felt guilt wash over me. God how much more pathetic and idiotic could I get before just _died_?

_Draaaaamaaaa Queeeeeen._

Shut up.

"Shit, Edward, I'm so sorry."

He brushed my hair back from my face.

"Not now, Bella. Tomorrow. Come dance with me."

I realized the speakers were playing music now, Edward's playing having stopped.

We were swaying on the floor.

"You look Beautiful, Bella."

"No, you." I said stubbornly. He laughed. I looked at him, trying to convey my emotions in my drunken stupor.

"I never want you to stop doing that."

"What?" He had the cutest confused look on his face.

"Laughing."

He laughed again. I rested my head on his chest and sighed.

"You, my love, are thoroughly smashed."

"No, no. I'm thoroughly in love."

Well that slipped. Sober thoughts! Sober thoughts!

He stiffened against me for a moment before I heard his wary voice.

"You're drunk. Don't say thing you don't mean."

"They say the truth comes out when you're drunk."

He smoothed my hair.

"God, I hope so."

***

After that, a cab home. Some lights, Alice and Rose laughing, Emmett saying something about..

Chicken whores?

Someone changing me.

A bed. Comfy bed.

Warm, strong arms.

Peace.

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**Not one of my favorite chapters but eh.**

**Aftermath tomorrow.**

**Review kiddies**

**And tell me: Chicago or New York?**

**Mwahaha**

**-g**


	25. Relief

**Jesus. I love you. All of you.**

**SuperJ- Frankly, my dear, if you think my story sucks ass, has no plot, drags on, blah blah, Why are you reading it? I don't give a rats shit. You wasted more of your time writing me a flame. Which seems to be quite on the contrary to my readers. ;)**

**Okay, Anyways, moving on.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own surprises.**_

_**________________________________________________________________________**_

Strong, warm arms around my waist. A big leg thrown over me haphazardly.

No recollection of most of last night whatsoever.

I'm _really _never drinking again this time.

There wasn't a splitting headache (thank god), but I was feeling quite nauseous. I wanted to hold it in. I didn't want to wake Edward up.

I was giddy from the absence of a massive hangover. I never got this lucky!

I turned my head to look at him. His mouth was open, he was snoring slightly, and one corner was turned up in a little smile.

He was drooling. It was cute.

I smiled, and tried to maneuver my way out from under his limbs. He pulled me in tighter. I tried again.

He smooshed me against his body. Which felt quite nice. Which made me forget my nausea.

"You think you're getting away from me now?" He whispered in my ear, with a kiss on the cheek.

I grinned. "No, sir. Permission to use the bathroom, sir!"

He chuckled into my ear. "Hurry back." I stood up to go, realizing for the first time what I was wearing. The lacy red panties and bra set I had put on last night, and nothing else.

"Edward Cullen." I said, gesturing to my outfit.

"What? I dressed you for bed."

"Hmph." I grumbled making my way to the bathroom.

"You know, I'd be okay with you walking away from me any day if you were wearing that!" He called to me as I walked in to look at the mirror.

I looked a royal mess.

Crazy, rats nest hair, makeup smudged, puffy eyes.

Shit.

Edward slept in my bed last night. Hadn't we skipped a shit load of steps? Namely, dating, kiss, girlfriend/boyfriend, sex?

Well, we had done at least one form of one of those.

But shit. I got a great nights sleep. And he 'dressed' me for bed. That was sweet.

Now all we had to do was kiss, fuck, and date. And quite possibly confess our undying love for the other.

But I'm not being picky.

There was no way I was going out there like this. I need a shower. I turned on the water as I stripped naked.

Apparently, Mr. Cullen sensed the nakedness. I heard him stumbling out of bed to run to the bathroom.

Eager, Eager.

The bathroom door flung open and I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter.

"Took you long enough."

He walked over to me, swiftly uncrossing my arms, while his mouth went automatically to my bare chest, without even a warning.

I arched into his mouth.

Not that I was complaining.

"Don't cover up your fabulous tits. If it were up to me you'd be topless all day long."

I laughed weakly, pushing him away with all my will power.

"Waters hot." I said as I scampered my way under the spray.

He growled behind me and I laughed.

The shower was fucking huge. It had like eight power spray nozzles, and it was the size of my room back in Phoenix.

I stood there, enjoying the hot water, and then I felt Edward's skilled fingers on my back. He was giving me a massage. A damn good one.

I moaned into his touch.

He rested his chin on my shoulder, keeping his fingers with their magic.

When he stopped I groaned in disappointment.

Then he was rubbing shampoo into my hair. And that felt lovely so I let him.

"Are you really washing my hair Edward?"

"Are you really not enjoying it Bella?"

I shut up.

So now we were showering together? Like a married couple? Sweet jesus, this was so unconventional.

His hands kept working, sudsing up my hair, playing with it.

He tried to give me a Mohawk, frowning when it would just fall over. I laughed.

I finally rinsed it out, he handed me my conditioner.

"Don't know what to do with that." he said, giving me a confused look. I smiled and put it down, opting to return the favor.

"What kind of shampoo do you use?" He asked.

"Tresemmé." He nodded like he understood. I poured shampoo into my hands, working it through his hair.

"Am I going to smell like girl?"

"Probably." He pouted.

Now Edward when he was dry and clothed was pretty damn sexy. But soak him in steamy bath water and get him naked while you wash his hair. Priceless.

I envied every little droplet that was sliding down each tiny crevice of muscle on his stomach, on his chest, down his sex lines, his thighs…

Shit. I was wet. Pun intended.

"Bella-" he stopped.

"Yes?"

"You said some things to me last night-"

I remembered nothing.

"What did I say?"

"You.." he laughed nervously, stepping away from my hands to rinse his hair under the biggest nozzle.

"This is silly- You were drunk, after all…"

"Edward. What did I say?"

"You said you loved me." His voice cracked a little bit on the 'loved' part.

I panicked. Okay, Bella. Abort! Abort!

"Well, I was drunk. I'm sorry if I said that."

He was quiet.

"You're sorry?"

"Yeah, I guess I am." I felt my heart break a little when I saw what looked like relief on his face."

I stepped out without another word. Relief. That was my answer.

***

I got dressed like I was in a competition and made my way downstairs.

So how does one manage realizing they're in love in about two days, then totally getting their heart smashed the next.

_And I could've sworn.._

No. He doesn't. I poured myself some coffee, ignoring the ache in my stomach.

But I had to act normal thought. Just be…normal.

Easy.

Suddenly, I heard Emmett's voice upstairs.

"HOUSE MEETING! DINING ROOM TABLE, RIGHT NOW!!"

I jumped and spilt some of my coffee on the floor.

I wiped it up, genuinely surprise when I saw a tear fall to the floor. Then another. And another.

Goddammit, I wiped them off my face as fast as I could. Why was I crying so much these days? It was all fucking Edward's fault.

I mean, how could I be so stupid?

How could I let that slip, even if I _was _drunk?

God, this shit always happens to me.

I tried to force myself to stop crying, bribing the inner turmoil with a nice tub of dutch chocolate ice cream and some emo girl music in my room later.

I stopped, walking over to the sink to splash cold water on my face.

Fuck it. Just forget it. You don't have to trust anyone anymore.

"BELLA! GET IN THE DINING ROOM RIGHT NOW!" I jumped at Emmett's booming voice.

At least I didn't have a hangover. Yeah. I got so lucky.

I walked quickly into the dining room, taking a seat while avoiding everyone's eyes. It was dead silent.

I looked up at everyone, who were all looking at Emmett. He was standing at the head of the table, probably enjoying our confused looks.

"You're probably wondering why you're all here." said Emmett, grinning widely.

We all stared at him cluelessy.

"Ladies and Gents- We're going to NEW YORK!"

Excited gasps and exclamations of 'What?' filled the silence.

"How long have you known-"

"When are we-"

"I have to go shopping- can Jasper come?"

"Is flying okay for the baby?"

"HOLD ON! HOLD ON!" Emmett boomed.

"Let me explain."

Everyone fell silent. I had to admit I was pretty fucking excited.

"Mom and Dad, as you know, attend the Healing Hearts banquet every year," here he nodded at Edward, "in a different location. Last year was Chicago, this year is New York. Well this year, the hospital where Carlisle works is hosting it at Covelet's Hall in downtown New York, New York!"

We all nodded, prodding him to go on.

"So he was implored to invite his whole family. I wanted it to be a surprise, so that's who I've been talking to on the phone for the past week!"

Rosalie gave him a look. "That's who you've been talking to? Thank god. I was beginning to think I was going to have to kill a bitch."

"Rose I would never do that, and you know it. Anyway, we fly out next Friday, Yes, Jasper can come, Carlisle has the hotel rooms booked, plane tickets booked and for our first night on the town, reservations at some.. restaurant, so he can see us all our first night on the town. We'll be staying for five days, four nights."

We stared at each other In silence. How the hell had Emmett planned all of this with Carlisle? How had he kept it a secret? He was the least likely to be able to do this!

I opened my mouth to ask him, but he was on the ball.

"I know, I know? How did Emmett do this, you're asking yourself. I was determined to make it happen. And aren't you happy?"

Shouts of excitement burst through again, and Emmett beamed.

Alice stood up. "I have to call Jasper!"

Before she walked out she stopped and turned.

"You know what this means right? Family shopping trip."

We groaned collectively.

She grinned and walked out of the room.

I stood up next, deciding that I was going to allow myself to get all wrapped up in preparations for the trip, and nerves for my gallery. Three days away.

No time to think about Edward.

________________________________________________________________________

**Yeah, short I know. But I just wanted to throw this out there! So yeahh**

**Review, tell me what you think.**

**-g**


	26. Sorry

**I love you guys. All of you. You're fucking awesome.**

**I'm watching 'Little Ashes' as I read this, and honestly, it doesn't turn me off. At all. Although Rob does look a little too clean for my taste. I love the scruff.**

**A special thanks to LeydyLaura for posting my story on Robsterbation. You're fucking awesome.**

**And I know it feels too complicated and drawn out sometimes, I'm the author, and I just want them to kiss and love and be happy already too! But honestly, that just isn't Edward and Bella. We don't have four Twilight books because their relationship was easy. So yeah. But it will be worth the wait, that I promise.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own Bella's art studio.**_

_**___________________________________________________________________**_

"Bella, quit arguing with me. You're wearing it."

I stared at the dress in disbelief.

"God, Alice, it's just…not me."

"I know, I know. You'd wear chucks and ripped jeans and be happy. But this is your opening, and it's formal dress. And Carlisle has been spreading the word to his colleague's and friends down here who are art freaks. You can bet it's going to be full of rich old ladies who think your work is 'jusss deliiiiightful darrrrleeeenggg'. Now, get dressed."

I was staring at a black silk (Alice really liked the black silk on me) knee length, empire waist dress, with a flower lace patter coverlet. It was gathered at my boobs, and it had thin straps. It _was _beautiful…but just…girly. And fancy. And silky. Eee.

She handed me black heels to go with it, while I internally screamed protests.

I nodded in mock agreement, but as soon as she left, I pulled out my old chucks from underneath the bed. I had artistic license.

I slipped the dress on, and went to look at myself in the full length mirror. It was amazing, of course. It fit my figure perfectly, making my full chest a bit fuller. My hair was curled, by Rose, and Alice had done the smoky eyes again because that was how I liked them.

It truly made me look beautiful, even though inside I definitely felt less than that.

After the shower, after my apology. Things had been…tense, for lack of a better word. I was still hanging with Edward, but now, every time we were together, it felt like there was something he wanted to say, and he wouldn't say it.

And that was pissing me off.

I still loved him of course, and now that I knew it, it was even easier to spot the signs. I couldn't stop looking at him, I felt a flutter in my whole body when I saw him, when he frustrated me and just smiled and it was all better.

Even if he didn't feel the same.

And I was too chicken shit to find out anymore.

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration, then felt a surge of panic when I realized I had probably fucked it up.

There was a soft knock on the door. Fuck, please don't let it be Alice.

"Bella?"

_Edward._

"Come in," I called, wondering why he was knocking.

I saw the sex hair first, then his face peeked in the door, looking surprisingly timid.

"Just making sure you weren't naked."

I scoffed. "Like it matters."

He grinned at me, sitting back on my bed, and tugging at the lapel on his tux.

"A _tux _Edward? James Bond much?"

"Alice, and quote, 'wants me to fit in.' whatever fitting in is."

I gestured to myself.

He looked from my hair (lusty eyes) to my make up, (he licked his lips) , my dress(more lust) then my shoes(a raised eyebrow and a snort.)

I spun slowly. "You like?"

"Does _Alice _like?"

I turned to the mirror, trying to hide my nerves with a steeled chin. "It's my opening. She won't care."

"You're _hoping _she won't care."

"Exactly."

He let out a sigh and hopped up from the bed.

His eyes were smoldering, and a little bit hard to look at. He was so hot, and I didn't care that I sounded like a horny teenage girl. There was no romanticizing the shallow part of me.

Edward was hot. And fuckworthy.

And yummy.

He gave me my now favorite deformed crooked grin, and went to pluck a curl carefully between his forefinger and thumb.

"I like the curls. But I wish Alice would have left you natural. I prefer you the way you are: beautiful."

I quirked an eyebrow, trying to hide the little happy dance going on in my stomach, at the same time that a little man with cleats was tapping over my heart.

"So I don't look beautiful now?"

"Of course you do. You always do. But why cover up such a pretty face?"

He brushed a light kiss on my cheek, _now just a little bit to the east Edward_, and smoothed my hair back.

A brief, serious look on his face, and he shook his head, as if trying to rid himself of a thought.

"I, um- I have to leave early. Dropping some things off at the office, and making sure I have leave for New York. But I'll see you at the gallery?"

I nodded wordlessly, turning to look in the mirror, watching his reflection leave.

I hated him doing that to me. Saying things like how beautiful I was, having these little bantering conversations that made us seem so normal, like a happy couple, when the only one actively in this relationship was me, because he didn't know it existed.

It fucking sucks.

I hated that I let him make me feel like the most special girl in the word when he said little things. I hated how I felt when he would touch me, even in the most innocent ways.

And I hated that it bothered me that he hadn't kissed me. And that he didn't love me.

And that I was an idiot for loving him.

No crying Bella, I told my self as I looked in the mirror.

It's _your _night.

I had no idea just how much it was going to be my night.

***

Pulling up to the gallery, I put this moment in my life at number four on my list of important and nerve wracking things in my life.

I had been thinking so much about Edward, and Jacob, and this and that, and revelations, blah, blah, that when the moment came to step inside my gallery where all my work from some of the most important periods of my life was displayed for people to judge, well :all the nerves that where supposed to be coming to me for weeks up until now hit me at once.

All at once. My heart started racing, the adrenaline was pumping, my palms were sweaty, my mouth got dry, and my knees buckled.

"I- I can't go in there Alice." I whispered dryly.

"Of course you can. It's not locked silly." Alice shoved me out of the car.

"Alice. I can't do this."

She rolled her eyes and began pulling me towards the door.

"What if they make fun of me? What if they hate my work?"

She stopped and looked me dead in the face.

"Bella. This-" she was pointing to my lit studio, inside which I could see various people moving about. It was quite full. Fuck. "This, is the reason you came here. To get your shit noticed. And now it's your chance. Don't you start chickening out. You can do this. You have talent, and you need confidence." She gave me a shove towards the door.

"Go."

All I need were those little words from Alice.

I faced my fears. I marched my ass right up to the studio door and walked in.

Alice had been right. Full of rich old men and ladies dressed to the nines, almost all with some surgical enhancement, botoxed expressions, talking about my pieces in airy, drawling, high class gab that sounded practiced enough so it was just the right amount of bitch and nonchalant.

I was awe struck for a moment.

Alice pushed me forward.

"Go mingle."

I swallowed down my nerves with a small pep talk and began walking around slowly, observing people and their reactions. Waiters in black tuxes floated around the room with flutes of champagne ( I'll take two of those, _thankyouverymuch)_ and appetizers on sterling silver trays. Light, airy new age music flitted through the room, and the vibes were altogether good.

Alice had gone all out. It was good. It felt good. It felt good to be _me _today.

I eavesdropped on some aristocrat's conversations. An old lady told her husband she thought 'the hue of orange in this painting would go just positively smashing in the second dining room.'

I grinned.

A man studied my 'Forest One' in interest, before turning to his lady (who looked about twenty years younger) and asking her if this would be a good gift for his daughter. The woman nodded in earnest.

Another grin.

I was walking by people, admiring my work myself at times, just smiling, feeling that I had worked hard, why not admire it?

A very old woman, fake blonde, with comically arched eyebrows stopped me suddenly.

"My dear, are you the artist of this wondrous portrait?"

"Um- yeah. I am." She was referring to "A night sky in Phoenix."

"Now, I would rather not go through all the auction, bidding, whatnot-" she waved her arm that was dripping in jewelry dismissively, while batting her eyelashes.

Her voice lowered to a whisper. "I would _gladly _give five thousand to take this home _right now._"

My jaw dropped. Five thousand? For my work? Holy shit.

I mean, it was my favorite painting, but still.

"Dear? As I was saying, I really wouldn't want any competition for this, and I heard Martha Elroy talking about this and it would positively sink her feathers to see me with it in my foyer!"

I struggled to find some words. Five thousand to make another old woman jealous? These truly were blue blooded, rich, crazy old ladies.

"If you feel so strongly about it, then I suppose you- you could."

"Ah, my dear, Carlisle was right. You are positively lovely. Now, should I pay you directly? I have my checkbook, and I'd really enjoy walking out with this tonight."

I nodded dumbly.

"Who should I make it out to?"

"Isabella Swan," I said, finally finding my business sense, my tongue finally worked right. I needed to gain composure if I was going to be dealing with the likes of these.

She handed me the check. Five thousand fucking dollars.

"Now, I'll just call Elmer to help me. Can I take it off the wall here darling?" I smiled and gestured her onward. "Now, to decide of this will go in the Cabo condo or the New York penthouse?" she muttered to herself as I walked away, saying good bye to my earliest and favorite painting for five thousand dollars.

This was not fucking possible. How could I have this much luck tonight? God, thank you Carlisle and Esme.

I couldn't believe so much money for my art, and I was new in this world. Brand spanking new.

I walked over to look at the silent auction sheet and my jaw dropped. These people were locked in a power struggle over their place in society on paper. The amounts of money… god.

I needed to get away from the idea of money before I hyperventilated.

I found myself instantly gravitating towards the south corner of the gallery, right up to my newest piece.

_Green Eyed Reflection._

I found myself instantly lost in the sentiment it held to me as I looked at my Edward painting. No use in not admitting it to myself. It was Edward.

Speaking of Edward, where was he?

"Beautiful painting." A velvety voice breathed beside me. I jumped, turning to look at the source of the feminine whisper.

_Not Edward. _

A slight woman stood next to me. She wore a green dress over her tiny frame. Her gaze was fixed on the painting, and I could only see her profile. Her brow was furrowed, but her mouth was tilted up in a smile.

I smiled at her, examining only the side of her face, and she still didn't turn to face me. Her head tilted downward.

"You're the artiste aren't you?" She pronounced artiste with a slight French accent.

I cocked my head, trying not to let my suspicion seep into my tone. "How'd you know?"

"The shoes, my dear." not a hint of humor in her weary voice. She sounded so tired. Her attention turned back to the painting.

I got the strangest sense of avoidance from her. She wouldn't look me in the eyes.

I realized she was probably uncomfortable with me staring at her.

I turned to look at my work, focusing on the green eyes staring back at me.

Her pale fingers stretched out tentatively to trace the jaw line of Edward in the painting. I didn't stop her. It was done with a wondering, with a tenderness, that I don't think I could've if I tried.

"You love this man." Statement, not a question. I could see her looking at me full on from my peripheral vision.

Now it was her turn to stare at me. I kept my eyes on Edward's.

There was a part of me that wanted to lie, desperately. I wanted to tell her it was a random sketch, but it was so not the truth, so far from reality, that I couldn't. Especially not to this woman.

I merely nodded.

Silence.

"You love my son."

My world froze for an instant and I slowly moved my head to look at her. She was looking at me with a strangely blank expression. But her eyes said it all.

I was speechless. The hair…it was the same, hers a bit dulled in color and shine by age and stress, but still the copper hue to it. I wondered how I had failed to notice it before? And the eyes, so much the same shade of green but so different. For in his eyes were there was shining and happiness and hope, in hers you could see the struggles of life and loss, the whisper of a glimmer that was once there long ago, but now lost. Her perfect nose, the curve of her lips.

It screamed it.

_Edward. Edward. Edward._

We didn't say anything as we stared at each other, just drinking the other in. I wondered what she saw in my face.

Her shell cracked open in the ghost of a smile on her lips.

"Yes," she breathed suddenly. "You're exactly what he needs."

My mouth fell open slightly as her words rushed through me. Between disbelief, wondering, shock, there raced a warmth. Her words were true, and they belonged, even if I wouldn't acknowledge it.

And this woman, this woman who I had just met only minutes ago knew this by simply looking at me.

"Elizabeth." I said simply.

"Bella."

He had told her my name?

She turned back to the painting, looking in it with the slight stress in her forehead once again.

I could feel in the air she wanted to say something to me. I decided not to speak until she did.

A minute passed as she studied.

"It's spectacular." I still didn't talk. It was just a statement, not an invitation yet.

"You know," she continued, filling the silence, "That he feels the same, if not more."

I stiffened, feeling suddenly sad at her assumption. I could only shake my head 'no' slowly, avoiding her gaze. There were so many things in her eyes I could only guess at, and things I didn't want to. She had seen and lived many things I hoped to never experience.

Her breathy laugh surprised me. "You _are _exactly what he needs. So stubborn." I felt her soft fingers under my chin, lifting my face to look into hers.

"My son has always been a particular little thing. Always constant, never changing."

She brushed hair back from my face and the gesture reminded me so much of Edward, but I didn't feel uncomfortable. In fact, I felt more comforted in the presence of this woman than I ever had with any family. Especially my own mother.

"When he does decide on something, it's noticeable. And permanent." She never let her eyes leave mine as she spoke.

"I would speak to him as often as I could. At first, I could hear the frustration and weariness, and even fury once. When I asked him why he was so angry, he told me about you. 'Bella,' he said 'is infuriating.'"

Here she laughed. "I told him, of course, you were perfect for him. He was so angry at me being right, guessing his feelings once again, he hung up. Of course he called back two minutes later, apologizing profusely for being so rude. But it was then I knew I was right. Then his tone changed from phone call to phone call. From week to week. Differences only a mother would notice. Content, Happy, Ecstatic, until one day, I called him and he was unmistakably in love."

I could only look at her, tears glistening in my eyes while I listened.

"No," I choked out. "He's not."

The motherly concern on her face made my throat tighten. "My dear. You are blind to the joys of the world but hideously aware to the hardships. My son is in love with you. You cannot mistake it."

"You're ridiculously observant, Elizabeth."

"You should learn to be, Bella."

The air was changing even as we looked at each other. I was being defeated in front of her soulful eyes.

"How can you know? How did you know?"

"Your painting- that's my son. Those are my eyes, his eyes. And the look on your face, the emotions in your eyes. And his voice. You're more obvious thank you think."

I laughed softly.

"I guess so."

"You should know this. Bella, I knew that the day, _the moment, _that my son gave his heart to someone, I would know it. And I hoped she would deserve it, whoever she was. I'm glad to see she does."

I shook my head, still trying to let my threatening pessimistic side win over.

"But- but Elizabeth, you- you don't even _know _me. I could be a serial killer, or a drug lord, hell, I could be a _man_!"

"Bella, if you were a man, I wouldn't judge. It's Edward's life. But I sincerely hope for his sake you're not any of those."

This time I couldn't help the giggle that fell from my mouth when Elizabeth sassily raised her eyebrow at me and gave me an Edward grin.

"No, no I'm not. But I just mean, you seem so _sure-_"

"I am sure. As you said. I'm ridiculously observant. Especially when it comes to women in love. _Especially _women in love with my son."

I gaped dumbly. Like a fish.

"He's given you his heart. It's not wise to wait for one of you to make the move. You're both very alike, but still very different."

"I know, it's just…I feel like I'm going to mess it up." I said it so quietly I hoped she wouldn't hear, while I was begging she would.

She took my hands and gave me the look only mother's could, the look that could see things even you couldn't.

"Bella, I'm going to offer this to you now. You see, I _had _my Edward once. Going through a courtship for years, just to make him sweat-" she laughed bitterly. "Even when I knew from the moment I looked at him, he was who I would be with forever. The one person I could never live without. If only I had known- I would have made him mine from the first day. But, as it goes, I didn't. Now every day, every _damn _day, I live with thoughts of wasted time by a flighty girl who wanted to play hard to get. I have to live _every day _with the thoughts of what ifs, regrets of how much more time I could've had with him. And now-" her voice cracked, but her eyes burned with strength as she held my gaze.

"Now, I won't let that happen to you. Don't waste time because of insecurities. Be sure of one thing, Bella. Believe me. Don't waste time, because I won't have you living your life as an old woman with nothing but memories and regrets."

Through my tears I managed to choke- "You're-not-old."

She laughed and pulled me into her arms. She smelled like home and comfort. My tears ebbed to a stop.

She put me out to arm's length. "Will you look at that-your make up didn't run. The wonders Alice can work. Where is she anyway?"

I smile tearfully. "No idea."

She kissed my forehead. "You're a wonderful soul, Isabella."

I smiled. It sounded so motherly coming from her.

As we stood here looking at each other, it occurred to me that life was still going on. The gallery was full with the chatter of wealthy ancients, even when one of the most significant, life changing moments of my existence was going on, had _just _occurred.

I laughed out loud, briefly amazed at how much everything had changed in only a few minutes.

Elizabeth was an angel.

"MOM!" both our heads snapped to look at Edward, who was bolting across the studio.

My heart soared as I looked at him, beautiful as always, beaming at his mother.

He stopped in front of us, looking a bit confused at our little embrace.

"I see you've met Bella?" he said it as a question.

Elizabeth beamed at me. "Oh, yes, Edward. I have." she shot him that 'you've got some talking to do' look.

He shook off the confusion, going to hug his mother, eyes shining.

"Mom, what're you _doing _here?"

He was just looking at her, running an inventory, frowning slightly when he looked into her eyes. When they stood side by side the resemblance was astonishing, and I wondered how the hell I hadn't noticed it before.

"AUNTIE LIZZIE!" Emmett's booming voice blew across the gallery, causing many of the old people to jump and quickly pull out their heart medications.

Emmett ran across the room, dragging a surprised Rose behind him. Alice and Jasper followed close behind.

Emmett scooped Elizabeth up in a bone crushing hug, setting her down and attacking her cheek with kisses while she giggled.

Greetings were exchanged, Alice marveling over how young she looked while Elizabeth blushed, Emmett picking her up and hugging her again, until he pulled Rosalie forward.

"Auntie Liz, this is Rosalie, the love of my life, mother of my soon to be daughter." He said proudly.

Elizabeth hugged Rosalie gently. "You must be one _hell _of a woman to handle my Emmett."

"Well, I'm trying. But I can't _wait _to see him with a kid."

"Daughter." Emmett corrected, while Rose rolled her eyes playfully.

Once Alice had introduced Jasper to Aunt Elizabeth, (exclamations of what a handsome gentleman), Edward asked her again what brought her here.

"Bella's gallery." she said simply.

"Bella's gallery?" I asked.

She nodded curtly. "I hope you don't mind my showing up unannounced. I planned a surprise, and I just wanted to come see my son and my family." She smiled warmly.

"Of course we don't mind, mom. How long are you staying?"

"I'll be flying out to New York with you, for the banquet."

"Well what time did you get here?"

"Around five thirty. I took a taxi for some dinner, then I took another to the hotel. I dropped my bags off there."

"Hotel? Elizabeth, why don't you stay with us?" I asked.

"Oh, well, dear, I don't want to impose-"

"Aunt Liz. You could _never _impose. And if you think you're staying at a hotel instead of Château Le Cullen, you're mistaken. Plus we have a chef, right Bella?"

I grinned.

"We'll just go get your bags, Mrs. Masen," began Jasper.

"Nonsense dear, and it's Elizabeth. We'll wait until the auction has been recounted."

I started. The auction paper!

I turned green.

"Alice, could you-"

"Already did."

She had already checked the paper. I didn't think I could handle the nerves, looking at the money battle.

I was sent to mingle again, being assaulted by various women admiring my art, and even a few pervy old men asking if I had any 'naughty' portraits hidden away. I blushed and assured them there were no nude works- yet.

At the end of the night, the winners of the auction were given three weeks to pay and pick up their new pieces, although many paid up front.

I was filthy rich.

Shit.

As the last of the gallery's inhabitants filed out the door, I slumped into a chair.

I felt strong hands rubbing my shoulders and I knew it was Edward.

I looked up at him.

"Success?" he asked.

I smiled. "Success."

"You did amazing Bella. I'm not surprised, of course."

I stood and went to grab my coat. He helped me slip it on.

"Did you and my mother get along well?"

"Yeah. She's…"

"Ridiculously all knowing, like Alice?"

I laughed.

"Exactly."

"So that's where Alice gets it…"

"Yup. Auntie Lizzie."

"Emmett loves her."

"Emmett loves everyone."

We looked at each other silently, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw Elizabeth, smiling serenely at me.

I felt it right then. And Edward was shooting me confusion as I looked at him with determination.

I reached out to trace Edward's jaw with my finger, as I leaned forward to brush my lips against his ear.

"Edward," I whispered. "I'm _not _sorry."

I turned to walk out, leaving a shell shocked Edward behind me.

Balls in your court.

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**Favorite chapter to write by far.**

**This is one of the first chapters I imagined when I began thinking about this story.**

**Review and tell me if you liked it.**

**-g**


	27. Plane

**Okay, reviewers, I love you all so much.**

**Can I confess something? All I wanted from this story, was to get to 1,000 reviews. Can you make that happen? It's all I ask. I love you guys.**

**Yeah, this chapter is probably my second favorite to write.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own knitting lessons.**_

_**__________________________________________________________________**_

Seeing Edward driving home with that blank, what-the-fuck-was-that expression on his face was priceless. I could practically see the little wheels in his head turning as he tried to figure out what I meant, and if I meant it.

I was beginning to get a bit nervous that he hadn't said anything though. Maybe Elizabeth was wrong…

Worries disappeared instantly as she reached over and squeezed my hand, offering me a reassuring smile.

"Dear, you might want to close your mouth. Alice would positively chafe at the thought of drool on your nice tux."

She looked at me and winked as Edward slowly closed his mouth, before she leaned into me and whispered softly into my ear.

"What did you tell him, Bella? He's gone catatonic."

I whispered back.

"The truth."

***

After going to get Elizabeth's bags, we had gone back to Chateau Le Cullen, where I made a pot of coffee and everyone sat down in the living room to catch up.

Elizabeth really was absolutely amazing, how she acted so calm and happy, and exuded a wise air was beyond me. To know the pain in her life, and see her here telling stories and giggling with us was astonishing.

Emmett revered her, he sat by her with his arm over her shoulder while Rosalie looked on warmly, resting her hand on her stomach as a subconscious gesture.

I smiled looking at the diversity in the room, but yet how compatible we were.

And Edward. Well Edward, it was evident just how much of a mommas boy he was. He was looking at her and fussing over how thin she was, was she eating?, did she get a new security system installed, was the gardener coming Wednesdays?

Elizabeth laughed and rolled her eyes, but everyone could see just how pleased she really was. Her little boy still worried about her, he hadn't forgotten, he never would.

Once we had drank coffee, we all retired to our rooms, Edward walking with me to my door before turning and pressing his lips to my forehead. My stomach dropped as disappointment flooded me.

Until he leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"I'm so glad you're not sorry."

My heart soared as I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into his warm, inviting body.

A smile that could light up the room on my face as I watched him walk to his room, so as not to give his mother the wrong idea. I knew we would have to talk later.

***

I found myself not sleeping at two in the morning, looking at the beautiful moon in the sky.

The door creaked open behind me, and I fully expected Edward, but the presence was different.

She sat next to me on the cushion. We sat quietly for a while, each lost in our own thoughts.

"You're a brave woman Bella."

I turned to her, to this person who had gone to hell and back and _lived, _who was still living, and I smiled softly.

"I'm nothing compared to you."

"You're more."

I leaned against the window pane and rested my forehead on the cool glass.

"How-" But she cut me off.

"I know that you've been through a great pain. And to come back and learn to love after that is- it's more than I've been able to do."

"Did Edward…"

"No, he didn't tell me anything. I see it in your eyes."

She looked directly at me and I looked at her in the moonlight, so breathtakingly wise and beautiful, just like Edward. She was black and white and her features looked so soft and vulnerable as she looked at me with her expressive eyes, and I understood.

"The eyes are the window to the soul." I whispered, and she nodded solemnly, although she smiled as she did so.

She held her soft, frail hand out to me.

"He's been hurt too, Bella. Heal him. Do what I never could. I wasn't strong-" She choked and her voice broke.

I clasped at her hands with the desperation of a dying man and found my voice breaking also.

"No, no, Elizabeth, never, _ever _say that. You are _so _strong, and Edward- you couldn't have done better with this man. He's- well he's everything I could've hoped for, and that was all your doing. He needs no healing." I spoke in a soft rush, looking into her eyes and trying so damn hard to convey my words to her.

We sat and looked at each other.

"Oh, Bella. You're more than I could've asked for."

I smiled through my tears and looked back out the window.

Elizabeth and I then began to talk, telling details of our lives few ears had heard before. This woman was a kindred spirit. She was somehow a long lost sister, or something of this sort.

"How is it to- to lose the one you love?" I asked quietly.

She kept her eyes on the moon.

"It's the greatest pain unimaginable."

I nodded tersely and held her hand while she shed a few tears.

God knows she deserved them.

***

When the sun began to rise, we looked up, a bit surprised.

"It feels like minutes that we've been talking, doesn't it?"

I smiled.

"Coffee?"

We walked downstairs into the kitchen at the crack of down to prepare a pot of coffee and some breakfast.

She hummed quietly as she fried eggs and the sound and image of her at the stove made me miss things I'd never had, a mother who was actually a _mother_, not a best friend.

I shook my head to clear the thought guiltily, feeling suddenly horrible. Renee had tried her best.

While I drank my second cup of joe, Edward stumbled sleepily into the kitchen and went to hug his mother. He nuzzled her neck and it made me smile.

Momma's boy.

"Smells amazing," he mumbled.

Elizabeth grinned at him and I got a fleeting look at true light in her eyes, one that I hadn't seen before. Only when she looked at her son.

After a while the rest of the gang joined us in the kitchen for a quick breakfast while Alice planned a shopping trip for all of the family, plus Aunt Lizzie, who 'positively needed some color in her life'.

She blushed.

And so we now had four shopping trips planned and only one week before New York.

Oh, Alice.

***

And so had gone five days. Edward and I had been skittering around the subject, mostly occupied with spending time with Elizabeth.

It was like a standstill. We both knew how the other felt but we had yet to say it.

But when we did there had best be some kissing. And some sex.

Shit.

Elizabeth was… amazing. A mother, a best friend, confidante. I loved her.

She didn't worship at the altar of shopping either, so we got along there. We had late night talks, where Edward had been included once.

And the big pink sexual tension elephant was back. We both kind of didn't really want to hook-up because everything would come out at once, we'd probably fuck, kiss, and declare undying love, and that might be a bit much.

Besides, I was still savoring the comfortable atmosphere of satisfaction between us. But I had to make my move soon.

And New York in two days. I was ridiculously excited and I spent all day telling Edward so, jumping on him at random times and squealing happily.

Alice had everyone packing, rental cars booked, hotel rooms booked, and a itinerary for the five days we'd be there.

Now to just wait.

God, I hated waiting.

***

The morning of New York dawned bright and exciting. I woke up feeling unusually peppy, showered, dressed, ate in record time and waited while everyone moved around sluggishly.

By nine we were on our way to the airport, as I bounced in my seat.

Edward was looking at me amusedly, and Elizabeth sat serenely in her seat.

At the airport everything dragged on forever, and the only eventful thing was a guy who totally ate it in the lobby and made me laugh until I thought I'd pee. Alice was rolling in hysterics while Jasper chuckled calmly, Emmett's booming laughter filling the terminal.

These were the times you always wanted to remember.

At eleven thirty, we were boarding the plane. I was nervous.

I hated planes.

"Calm down, Bella, we'll be fine."

"Not when we're hurtling toward earth in a death spiral." The excitement was wearing off as I tensed. My head hurt.

He grasped my hand in his and I relaxed a tad. We took our seats in first class.

Takeoff made me turn white and shake, but once we were cruising I felt fine.

And then our flight attendant spotted Edward.

"Hello, I'm Tanya, can I help you with anything?"

Bitch this is first class, you can go fuck yourself.

She was looking directly at Edward. Strawberry blonde, Surgically enhanced boobs (double d's), nose, probably Botoxed, and I just know she had some labioplasty under that tailored booty skirt. Long red nails, matching with lipstick, thick makeup, and a gold digging smile.

How did she get away with that?

She ignored our clasped hands and looked at me with a leer, as if to say, what competition?

Then the bitch leaned over our seats to fluff my pillow, putting her fucking saline filled cow bags in my Edward's face.

She moved back with a smile and walked down the aisle.

I sat with my mouth hanging open, fury in my eyes.

Elizabeth was sitting in the seat in front of me by herself, Alice and Jasper across, Emmett and Rose behind.

Had no one seen that?

"Bella-"

"Did you enjoy the silicone face volleyball?"

He snorted, lifting my hand to his lips and kissing it. I melted into a puddle of Edward bliss.

"That was so _obvious _Edward. Like really."

"Yeah, I know."

Fifteen minutes later, Tanya came back, Her boobs and shirt adjusted so the top of her leopard print bra could be seen above her shirt just slightly.

I gagged.

Once again, before I could stop her, she leaned in to fluff my pillow.

Tits in Edward's face. And then she walked away, hips swinging so exaggeratedly that I considered asking her if she was disabled or trying to take out all of aisle three.

Stupid cunt.

My jealousy flared. This girl was pretty much the symbol of 'girls like me's worst nightmares. I wanted to rip off her fake hair and shove it up her plastic cooch.

I tried to relax, leaning back in to my seat and closing my eyes.

Fifteen fucking minutes later, guess who's back, skirt rolled just slightly higher.

The nasty whore saddle was going to end up in assless chaps if she came back one more time.

And this time I was ready.

As she leaned in to 'fluff my pillow', I reached out before her tit made contact with Edward's left eye and pinched her nipple.

Hard. With my nails.

She yelped and jumped back, eyes wide, expression almost comical.

I leaned forward menacingly and said,

"Put your cheap, fake, uneven, tits in my mans face one more time, and it'll be _your _pillows that need fluffing."

She huffed and walked away, clutching her chest.

I laughed at Edward who was looking at me with surprise, but also licking his lips, which either meant he needed chapstick, or he was planning his application to the mile high club.

I grinned and leaned back.

"Who knew you getting all animalistic would turn me on so much." he whispered.

I unfolded our complimentary blanket and spread it over our laps, before whispering in his ear.

"Show me how turned on," as I slipped my hand under the blanket and beneath his waistband.

I grasped his already hardening cock, and smiled devilishly at the way his jaw tensed and his eyes glazed over.

No one was looking our way, Rose and Emmett were looking at a baby book, Elizabeth napping quietly, Alice and Jasper reading a magazine.

I licked his ear and continued to stroke up and down, working my thumb over his tip which caused him to hiss slightly.

"You like that Edward?" I breathed into his ear. "You like it when I touch your huge cock? How would it feel to have you in my mouth…" He bucked into my hand.

This was two weeks of sexual frustration coming out on a plane. There would have to be some dirty talk involved.

I stroked harder, working up a rhythm, faster and firmer, licking his ear, breathing into his neck, while he hid his face in my shoulder.

I started cupping his balls, rubbing them lightly, before I went back to feeling his hard length.

Any other woman would have been bored with this, but I was fascinated, having Edward's very core, his flesh vulnerable beneath my skin. I stroked harder.

"You want to cum? Cum for me Edward." I spoke softly before I nibbled on his earlobe.

Then I realized he really didn't want to cum in his pants. This would be risky, but…

I curled up in my chair, feet hanging off, and put my head beneath the blanket, releasing Edward's throbbing erection and putting it in to my mouth before he even knew what was happening.

Hoping this would be quick, I moved my head slowly, sucking hard while I swirled my tongue around him, base to shaft.

He exploded into my mouth with no warning. And I found that hot.

I swallowed quickly, popping my head out of the blanket, as he laid there, staring into space, cheeks flushed, eye lids heavy.

"Well…that was unexpected."

"The fellatio?"

"The whole thing."

I laughed.

"Wish Tanya would've come by."

He leaned in to me, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Only fair that I should return the favor."

________________________________________________________________________

**That might be an outtake, next chapter shall be New York!**

**Just a hint: You will not have to wait any longer for 'I love yous' and thaaa dirrrty.**

**Review.**

**-g**


	28. Love

**I love you guys, your support just amazes me. **

**I have no more to say.**

**Read on.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I own elevator rides.**_

_**________________________________________________________________________**_

Walking out into New York after the plane ride was breathtaking.

The city was awake, alive, and bright.

I hadn't seen much of L.A, but I vowed that I would go spend some more time in the city if it was _anything _like this.

The sky was just hitting the dark blue of twilight, the buildings went up and up and up, skyscrapers, little twinkling yellow and white lights that made them glitter against the skyline. I loved looking at the little delis and newspaper stands, the taxis speeding by, the travelers hurrying to wherever it was they were going. It was so New York.

"Bella, are you going to stand there all night?" Alice chuckled, playing with Jasper's hand.

Edward slipped his gloved hand into mine. It was cold, dead of winter and it hadn't snowed yet but it would be snowing soon and I was grateful for Alice's shopping trip.

The girls all wore different colored fitted peacoats, dark jeans, boots, gloves and scarves and beanies.

The guys had their leather jackets and gloves. Edward's cheeks were flushed with cold and the tip of his nose was pink. I wanted to bite it.

Rosalie elicited a taxi calling whistle that would've been heard in Arizona and I watched with amusement as four taxis simultaneously stopped.

Emmett glared at the seedy taxi driver as we piled into two separate cabs, Alice, Jasper and Rose and Emmett, then Edward, Elizabeth and I.

I cuddled up to Elizabeth, and she absentmindedly stroked the hair that was peeking out from under my black beanie, looking out the window at the city rushing past.

Edward smiled at us from the front seat.

The ride to the hotel was only twenty minutes and we paid the cabbie quickly and grabbed our luggage to get checked in.

In the lobby Alice decided she needed her own bellhop and cart for her seven bags.

"Careful!" she warned. "Those are _chanel."_

The hotel was extravagant, to say the least. The Carlyle, which I found funny. You know, Carlisle. Right?

Whatever, I'm lame.

The lobby was all crystal chandeliers and gorgeous carpeting, snooty receptionists and bellhops who expected to be tipped with crisp hundreds.

Which Alice followed through with.

Rose and Emmett had their suite, as did Jasper and Alice, Elizabeth had her own room, which left me. And Edward.

For five days.

In a hotel room.

Damn.

***

We ordered room service that night and ate in Elizabeth's room, too tired and jet lagged to go anywhere.

The banquet was on Thursday, so we had tomorrow, which was Wednesday, for tourism.

I was super excited, which made me giddy and laughy.

And Alice was being all mysterious about dresses that we would be wearing. They were very high class and couture, knowing her, but I still wanted to see it.

She assured us they'd be perfect.

We popped in a movie while we ate.

I chomped my rare steak and fettuccini like I hadn't eaten in a year.

It was amazing.

Light conversation and movie commentary flitted about in the room and laughter punctuated the amicable atmosphere.

These were the happiest times in the world.

After dinner everyone laid around, stuffed, until one by one, the couples retired.

I bounced down the hallway, Edward in tow, smiling and giggling, until he scooped me onto his back to carry me.

"You are insatiable when you're excited." He told me, grinning.

"I just can't wait for tomorrow!!"

He threw me on the bed and laid next to me, snuggling into my side and humming contentedly. I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Life is beautiful." he whispered to me.

"I know."

We didn't need to say more. For the time being.

***

My alarm went off at six and I jumped up like a rabbit and ran to the shower. Edward was already in it.

"Dammit." I growled.

I heard him laugh, but I was annoyed. I wanted first shower.

I stripped and hopped in, sighing at the seven jets hitting my body at once.

We showered quickly, no funny business, and I was so excited for New York that I didn't even worry about his non reciprocated I love you or kiss yet.

I slid on a pair of dark skinny jeans over my black thong, and a blue sweater with a black coat over it, grey scarf and hat, black gloves and boots.

I dried my hair and applied a minimal amount of make-up.

Edward handed me a cup of coffee just as I heard a knock.

Alice stood at the door, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett in tow.

"Where's Elizabeth?" I asked.

"She went to see Esme for breakfast, told us to go see the city."

I nodded and went to get my purse.

We went downstairs and quickly hailed a cab, as I looked outside at the crisp morning, feeling excited for all the days possibilities.

***

We were walking through the streets of New York and I was annoyed.

Edward had descended to douche bag mode again. Very suddenly.

He was avoiding my gaze. He wouldn't look me in the eyes. And he wasn't holding my hand.

Was he- my god- was he _regretting _this? I was so damn tired of it.

Was he grateful he hadn't kissed me, hadn't said clearly he loved me?

The thought turned my blood to ice in my veins.

The whole kissing issue was not made any better by the fact that Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper decided today should be national 'I feel like making out and saying 'love you' every four seconds.'

All of this made me feel quite cynical, which in turn made me grumpy, because, well fuck, this was New York! I should be happy!

"Bella are you coming or not?" Edward briskly spoke at my pause.

"Are you going to stop being an indecisive prick?" I muttered to myself.

"What?"

"Nothing."

***

I sat on the bench in Central Park munching on a hot dog.

Edward sat frigidly beside me.

Alice was twirled along, dancing by Jasper and Rose and Emmett were walking along the path.

"When did New York get so damn romantic?"

"Wait until tonight." Edward said cynically.

"Is there a problem, Edward?" I finally said, exasperated at the attitude that he had been carrying the past six hours.

"Not at all."

"Really? Well the shit-face you've had on all day says otherwise."

Apparently I offended him.

"I do not have a shit face."

I stood up suddenly.

"Are you bi-polar? Because you seem fine one minute, then the next you're all, 'I hate the world and Bella.'"

"I do not act like that."

"You do."

"Do not."

"Fuck, Edward, I wish I could understand you!"

Alice giggled loudly nearby, unaware of Edward and I.

"What is there to understand?"

"Um, I don't know? How about the fact that I've been waiting for fucking ever for you to just _kiss _me?"

The world stood still. Fuck. Fuck. I did not just say that. God, saying it out loud made it so- so bad.

Edward stared at me, shock etched on his features.

Tears burned in my eyes before I could do anything. I turned to walk away, stumbling blindly, hailing a cab, before I could even think straight.

I rode to the hotel, silently crying in the cab.

Stupid. That's what I was. And Elizabeth was _wrong. _I romanticized everything too much. I made things too complicated.

When I went to pay the driver, he shook his head solemnly and told me it was fine.

I walked into the lobby and pressed the elevator button again and again. Crying even more pathetically and dramatically at my predicament.

A gloved hand grabbed my arm.

I spun to face him.

He was looking at me, surprised, and just, _hurt_.

"Why did you run from me?"

Oh, I don't know? Because I just totally set myself up for rejection?

The elevator opened and I got in, grateful that it was empty.

He followed me. My whisper was broken.

"Edward, please-not now-"

"Than when Bella? When will be a good time? Huh?" He was angry. For no fucking reason.

I ignored him, pressed the button for the fourth floor.

"Bella, my god, you say you want to understand me, but I can't understand you!"

I stayed silent.

"FUCK!" He roared, simultaneously reaching out to press the red emergency button.

The elevator screeched to a halt. We were stuck.

"Are you fucking crazy Edward?" why was he making this so difficult?

"Yes, Bella. I fucking am."

We stared each other down.

"What do you want from me, Bella?"

The flood gates opened.

"I want _you, _Edward. You! I want you to kiss me and tell me you love me, and not be so complicated and angst about everything! I want everything to be easy, god damnit, because it never is! I just want you to fucking love me!"

The silence was palpable.

"Is that all?" He whispered.

I nodded. And then his lips were on mine. His beautiful, gorgeous mouth was connected with mine. At last.

It was so damn easy.

Soft, yet unyielding, and I wanted to be everywhere at once, because I had waited for this for so long.

He wrapped his arms around me securely, lifting me off the ground and I snaked my arms in turn around his neck and fisted my hands into his beautiful copper hair.

It was everything that I had wanted and more. His lips moved against mine, while I fought against him, pouring everything I had into this.

"You're everything I want Bella." He whispered against my lips. Our mouths worked furiously with each other. My eyes closed with the delicious sensation, and the wait was over at last. God it was so much better than I had ever thought.

It was a song that I had heard millions of times. Strange and familiar, a dream and so much more. Why had no one told me it would be like this? Like our souls were dancing, like my heart was beating inside of me with the wings of a humming bird, every nerve in my body shook, every cell burned. He was so much more than I had ever hoped for, and now I was living. For me, for him.

His tongue slipped into my very inviting mouth and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

He stopped kissing me long enough to look into my eyes.

"I love you. I fucking love you. I'm _in _love with you. I want to be everything you need and want, because that's who you are to me. I'm sorry I'm so complicated. I'm sorry I'm an indecisive prick. But you're the one thing that's right in my life and I didn't want to fuck it up.

"Fucking kiss me Edward. I love you."

His lips were against mine again and all was right with the world.

But now that I had gotten over the shock of this, there was another feeling replacing the blissful love.

Edward was quickly hardening against my core.

I never let my lips leave his.

"Why not try for three in a row?" I whispered as I let my hands trail down to his very swollen dick.

"Bella-" he began.

"Don't even Edward. I've waited too long."

"In an elevator?"

His pants fell to the floor in response. His eyes burned. A forest on fire.

I licked his bottom lip, savoring this. My fingers hooked the elastic around his waistband, slowly letting his boxers fall to the ground.

My hands were everywhere, under his shirt, stroking his length, in his hair.

He went to work on my pants, pulling them and my thong down swiftly. His fingers dipped in only to see that I was very, _very _ready. There would be no foreplay. We had had months of foreplay .

I spread my legs to him, back against the elevator wall, pulling him to me.

My legs wrapped around him, as he aligned himself to me. There was that moment that was infinite, where our eyes met and I wanted to stay there forever. Then I gripped his hair and threw my head back.

"Edward." I whispered.

It was a clean thrust and he was in.

Yes. Fuck yes.

Fuck the slow love making. We made love with our mouths. This- this was pounding.

Thrust after delicious thrust, our skin clapped against each other, I clenched my thighs and held onto his tight ass as I pushed him in deeper and deeper.

Having him inside me was like nothing else. It was us connected, it was pleasure beyond anything I should have been feeling, it was animalistic and heavenly.

His head was buried in my shoulder as he drove into me, and his hand went down to quickly rub my clit.

A fast orgasm. And then another.

And then he came.

We shuddered together, held on to the moment.

"I love you. I love you." He muttered against my skin as he moved slowly, riding out his orgasm.

"Yes." I said simply.

We had said all that was left to be said. There was nothing else.

"I fucking love you."

________________________________________________________________________

**Worth the wait??**

**Review loveliess**

**-g**


	29. Mine

**Hey….look whos still alive!!!!**

**Yeah!**

**So…please don't hate me… I love you all!**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. I wish I owned Bella's dress. ; /**_

_

* * *

_

Well, shit.

Edward and I had sex. In an elevator. Which was now currently stuck.

Because of Edward.

Who I just had sex with.

Sex.

God.

"So, how do you propose we get out of this?" Edward, who had this beautiful red flush on his forehead and cheeks, spanning to his chest, spoke. His pants and boxers were still around his ankles, which made me giggle, to see his half hard cock slumped over as if to say "I'm tired."

He looked down, realizing the state he was in, gesturing to my splayed open legs which were quite limp themselves.

I let my head fall back against the wall.

"I dunno."

He suddenly swung one knee over my legs and stared deep into my eyes. I flushed.

His lips gently touched onto my forehead, caressing the skin there softly.

"Just making sure you're still there." he whispered.

"I am."

I suddenly got another fit of giggles as I looked down at the state he was in.

"I feel like you're molesting me or something." I said, another snort escaping my lips.

His eyes narrowed, and I saw, or rather felt, him begin to harden.

His lips attacked my neck, gruffly, aggressively.

"I could do that."

I pushed at him, laughing. "Edward, quit it- _quit _it."

He pulled back, an amused look etched on his perfect face.

"What?"

"I refuse to allow the second time we have sex to be in an elevator."

"I thought the first time went quite well, actually."

I felt myself getting wet.

How funny was that? He turned me on with the most random things. Just a sentence from him and I was soaked.

"Besides, we need to get out of here."

I stood and pulled up my pants.

He watched me intently.

"God, I love you woman."

I felt the sick, fluttery feeling that I had always promised myself I would never have. I wanted little disney critters to start singing and dancing, while I cleaned a house or something.

"What makes you say that?"

He stood, pants still around ankles, and kissed me softly, once, twice, three times, slowly and sensually, making me feel fire blaze through my veins.

"You."

* * *

An hour later, the firemen came and pulled us out.

Yeah. Fucking firemen.

"Ma'am, do you have any idea why the elevator would get stuck?"

"No- no sir." I stammered. I was such a shitty liar.

"You did not press the emergency button?"

"No."

He looked down at me and raised an eyebrow.

"You're absolutely sure?"

Edward stepped in.

"We're positive."

He turned and began to walk away, thanking the two men who had pulled us out.

As I began to walk away, the younger fireman stopped me.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes?"

"You know there are cameras in elevators, right?" He winked.

* * *

We reached our hotel room.

I finally had phone reception and I turned on my phone.

_16 messages._

I texted Alice back quickly.

_We're fine. In our room. Ill explain later._

Edward sat on the edge of our bed and we didn't speak. I walked quickly to the bathroom and shut the door.

My god. This was all- anything I had ever wanted. Here it was. On a silver platter.

It was so perfect. And now, he was waiting for me. I vaguely registered that I had something more waiting for me than just fucking.

No, this would be some fairy tale shit, with joining of souls and whatnot- and the hallelujah chorus. I was so fucking excited.

But- should I go out there naked, or let him slowly undress me, or what?

I stripped off my clothing and opted for a hot shower. But what if he heard the shower running and came in here, and I cant stop myself, and then we'll end up _fucking _in the _shower._

But I really need that shower. Dammit.

Eh, what the hell.

As I washed my hair, I realized Edward must've realized I needed the time. And I did.

I kept feeling like I was going to walk out there and Ashton Kutcher would pop out of nowhere all "Hah! Bitch got Punk'd."

It all seemed to good to be true, literally.

Eh. Well it was. And I had a gorgeous, amazing man out there waiting to be screwed. Erm… made love to.

Okay.

I found myself getting lost in the amazing feeling of the hot water, just letting it relax me, so relaxed even, I didn't notice Edward getting in behind me.

Suddenly his hands were on my shoulders and I jumped and let out a little yelp.

He chuckled throatily, that little laugh that made the spot right behind my knees tingle.

I turned and my eyes rolled into the back of my head at the feeling of our bodies pressed against each other, slippery and hot and positively melted together.

It would never get any better than this.

He kissed me again and I couldn't help smiling against his lips at the thought of being able to do this whenever I wanted.

His lips did things to my body just by being on his face than most men could've done if their lips were against my fucking pussy.

As our kisses grew deeper, I felt him beginning to get well, excited by the prospect of the shower sex, and I remembered that I wanted to do this right- in a bed.

"Edward-" I moaned against his lips. He pulled back and stared at me with those green eyes that were positively on fire.

"Bed.." I said breathily. What the hell? That was not my voice. I sounded like a porno.

He nibbled my neck and whispered. "I've never wanted to taste anything more than a dripping-" he slid his fingers down my hips- "wet-" He slipped his middle finger slowly against the lips of my throbbing sex- "Bella." he licked his finger, boring his eyes into mine the whole time.

My vision went black around the edges. You know how people see stars and shit when it gets all sexy time?

I saw goddamn constellations.

I turned the shower off, still a little bit wobbly, and stepped out, gathering myself in a towel, watching as Edward stepped out and drooling at the very hard dick that was waiting for me.

I will never get enough of this.

***

The difference in the air was palpable. I could sense how much more serious this was.

He laid me gently on the bed, and I took notice of how soft the sheets were when you were totally bare, rubbing against them.

Mmm. Egyptian Cotton.

That I was even thinking about sheets at a time like this was incredible. I forced the nerves in my stomach down- nerves?- and brought myself to look at Edwards' expression. He stood over me, towering , and I had the brief thought to be subconscious of my pancake boobs, or the way my thighs looked. I was put out on display in front of him, and I felt vulnerable. I wanted to pull him over me, or slide under the sheets.

He trailed a finger down my cheek, through my breasts, down my stomach, past my aching, throbbing clit and down, down, down my legs.

"Perfection." he muttered quietly.

I flushed, of course.

"That pink color…it makes you look like a milkmaid or some shit."

I raised an eyebrow. "You have a fetish or something Cullen?"

"Shut up Swan."

We were both completely naked, bare. And instead of worrying about how _I _looked, I took this as an opportunity to trail my gaze down his perfect body. I looked at this with new eyes. He was mine now, even though it hadn't really been said out loud, I knew he was. Mine.

I had never really been the possessive type, but he brought out things in me I never knew were possible.

"Stop thinking so much, Bella." he murmured.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly. No sarcastic retorts, no eye rolling. This was me. Without the fucking shell.

He stroked my cheek softly. "I love you. Sometimes so much it hurts."

Was it normal that my eyes felt like they were about to well up with tears? That I was so happy I wondered when something would fall on my head and just kill me?

I simply looked up at him. "More."

He finally leaned down and kissed me. Softly, slowly moving his lips in perfect time with mine. This was so much more than I was used to. This kiss held so much emotion I wanted to cry.

_When did I turn into a total cliché?_

There wasn't fevered lust or just a wanton need to fuck here. All I needed was him in every way.

He put his forehead against mine.

"All I need is you."

The fucking mind reader. I smiled, leaned up to kiss him again.

He placed his body against mine and I sighed in contentment, wondering if this would ever wear off. The feeling of him against me. I felt totally girly and ridiculous, but I marveled at the feel of his heart beating against mine.

_Isn't that a song?_

Shut up, internal monologue.

Edward kissed me again, effectively ending any stupid thoughts or worries. It was just me, and him, forever.

"You're mine." I said before I could stop myself.

"Always." He said quietly.

Declarations, I realized, were much more worth it when you took your time, in a bed.

He rolled off of me suddenly and I groaned at the loss.

His hand reached up and touched my face gently. It trailed down slowly, caressing my breasts; it felt amazing. He traced his fingers lightly across my stomach and my skin erupted in goosebumps, my nipples hardening. He covered one breast with his mouth and my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

His mouth moved slower, down my stomach; my flesh tightened in anticipation for what I knew he was about to do.

I jumped and giggled when he nipped at my stomach.

"I'm ticklish you asshat!" I said breathlessly. I heard his rumbling laugh.

He kept moving downward, slowly, licking, nibbling, blowing. My legs fell open of their own accord.

The haze that always came over me when Edward was anywhere near my girly parts began to take residence in my head and I shivered. From somewhere deep in the depths of my own lust I looked up and saw his glorious bronze head between my legs. He looked up and met my eyes with his.

I saw his tongue dart out to taste me.

I let out a long, loud moan.

He put his hands under my ass and squeezed, lifting me up and leveling me to his mouth. I loved it when he took control like this.

He sucked and licked at me, while I squirmed and twisted.

His name fell from my mouth in a whispered string, sounding like profanities, as he continued to work his mouth and tongue over the sensitive flesh that became the center of my world whenever I was around him.

He slid two fingers inside of me and kept teasing at my clit, sucking right on it while he flicked his tongue.

I was a goner. When I came (20 seconds later), he pumped his fingers in and out of me, determined to get a good two more out of me.

I lay there, completely spent, as he crawled up my body and kissed me, much more passionate and fiery than it had been at first. I slid my tongue right along with his, moaning against his mouth.

I flipped him over so that I lay on top of him, and began to trail my mouth down his body. When I flicked my tongue out to trace the muscles on his abdomen, I felt them twitch and clench under me. I was positively dripping by this point.

It felt like the first time all over again, in his room. I knew how to make him crazy, and I was determined to do it again.

I reached his dick, which was positively at full attention by now, and gripped him, stroking him slowly. His hips bucked into my hand.

I smirked.

My tongue darted out and swirled around his head. He groaned. I let just the tip of my tongue lick his shaft up and down. Finally I took him into my mouth and sucked languidly at him, increasing pressure with each little moan he let out. All the while, I let my tongue swirl around and around him, while I moved my hand at the base of him.

Suddenly he stopped me.

"No, I want- I want to do this right." His voice was shaky, which meant he must have been very close.

I slowly moved up next to him, and he lay on top of me.

Our eyes searched each other; I counted each little bead of sweat on his forehead, every soft pant that came from his mouth. His heartbeat was erratic against my chest.

"I want you to know, Bella- I've- Well I never felt like this before. I love you so completely, and-"

"Shh." I put my finger against his lips. "You are more than I've ever dreamed of. I love you more than myself."

From whatever gooey depths of Bella that came from, I was grateful. I never dreamed anything like that would come out of my mouth, much less during sex, but there it was. And it was desperately and irrevocably true.

He put his forehead against mine and placed himself above me, I felt him at my entrance and I couldn't help the little gasp that left my mouth. Everything with him seemed so much more intimate in a bed. Well, considering I had nothing but a hotel elevator to compare it to.

When he slid into me, My head fell back, completely exposing my throat to him. He kissed it hungrily, slowly thrusting in time with my moans. I lifted my head and looked into his green eyes; those eyes that were mine now, and felt my heart swell with so much love that I thought I would burst.

His thrusts came faster now, and I had nothing left to think as my mind went blank with the sheer bliss I felt coursing through me.

I groaned, and moved my hips to meet with his as he went harder and faster in time with my demands.

And when we both fell over the edge, he whispered how much he loved me.

***

It was all utterly too much, the fireplace and champagne and sheets, and Edward and I love you. I felt like I was in a dream.

Our phones, after a quick call to Alice, had been turned off and we had spent the past seven hours talking and fucking and making love.

It was eleven o' clock at night.

"Tomorrow we have to get up early." He murmured.

"Sleep?" I whispered.

He nodded in response and reached over to turn off the light.

I snuggled up against him, he kissed my forehead and I sighed in contentment.

"So.." I whispered into the darkness.

"What?" he said.

"The banquet tomorrow… I'm actually somewhat afraid for that."

"Why?" He said, suddenly concerned.

"Me plus heels…not a good equation."

He laughed and kissed me.

"Silly girl."

***

In the morning I awoke in Edward's arms and realized this feeling would never go away. This feeling of complete, and safety- and most of all happiness.

I snuggled closer to his body and tried to ignore the light streaming in through the windows.

"Bella." he groaned softly.

"Mmm?"

"Time to get up." he chuckled.

Ugh. Mornings.

"We have breakfast with the family. And we have to go to this. Alice may never forgive me."

There was a knock at the door at that moment and I rolled out of bed with the sheets around me.

"Probably the room service with towels." I said to Edward.

When I opened the door, much to my surprise, it was not room service.

It was Elizabeth.

Oh yay.

"Uh- Eh- Elizabeth! I- I- Ohmygosh- I'm so sorry."

She raised an eyebrow and handed me a garment bag.

"Alice sent this." she said coolly. "With a note." She handed me the bag and a piece of paper.

I turned forty shades of red.

I stammered something unintelligible.

"It's okay darling." she dropped her voice to a whisper.

"Glad to see things went well." She winked at me, turned and walked away.

"Breakfast at eight promptly love." she called over her shoulder.

I stood there, mouth agape.

***

The note, it turns out, were instructions on how to do my hair and makeup, and very strict instruction to wear what was in the garment bag.

Friekin Alice.

I hopped in the shower- not letting Edward in, no funny business- and quickly washed and deep conditioned my hair, washed the sex and sweat off my body and sighed at the feel of the hot water.

When I stepped out I took the time to look at the mirror. I took in my eyes, my smile, my flushed cheeks. I looked so different and the shadow that was almost permanently over my eyes was gone.

I dried my hair, curled it a little bit with the help of instructions from Alice. My makeup- well that was a disaster. I messed up my eyeliner and had to clean it off and start from scratch.

When I was all done preparing, I stepped out and let Edward have the shower.

"Mmm." he said wrapping me up in a hug and nuzzling my neck. "You smell good." I giggled and swatted at him.

He leaned in for a kiss that took my breath away.

"I have to get dressed." I muttered against his lips.

He kissed me once more- then made his way to the bathroom. I took time to admire his bare ass walking away from me.

I let out a very girly sigh and opened the bag.

There was a midnight blue chiffon top with ruffles down the front and a black pencil skirt. There were dyed to match the shirt silk pumps, a small bag with jewelry and a grey blue peacoat.

This was breakfast attire? Good god.

I slipped it on, smirking happily at how well it fit my frame; of course Alice had had it tailored specially for me.

Usually this would have annoyed me, but now I was in love, and even though it was a cliché, everything was better when you were in love.

When Edward was dressed (to the nines in black slacks, a grey coat and a blue button down- coincidence? Fucking Alice) we made our way to the elevator to meet the family downstairs.

He took my hand as we walked down the hall and I felt that jolt that I always wondered at. Would it ever go away?

When we were in the elevator I started giggling uncontrollably and soon Edward joined in laughing with me. I kissed him, still laughing and soon there we were having a full blown tongue wrestling match in the elevator. Things were getting hot and heavy when he pulled back and said," As much as id love to have a repeat of last night, I'm pretty sure there are rules against this kind of thing."

I laughed and kissed him once more.

We stepped out into the lobby and saw everyone waiting for us- I ran to embrace Carlisle and Esme.

"Oh, Esme it's been so long!" I said as I hugged her.

"How beautiful you look my love." she hugged me just as tightly.

Esme always looked beautiful, with her classic good looks and million watt smile. Carlisle stood there, looking like a regal god, and I wondered how this entire family could be so devastatingly beautiful.

Alice tapped her watch. "I made reservations! We're going to be late!"

"Breakfast reservations?" I asked.

Jasper grimaced. "Yes."

"Are you surprised Jasper? Alice makes reservations to take a shit."

Everyone cackled at Rose's joke, except Alice.

"Quiet, blimp."

***

**Kinda a filler, kinda not.**

**Life caught up to me, what can I say?**

**Glad to post again.**

**-g**


	30. UPDATE!

Ok.

This is a cocktease update, I know.

Truth is, life caught up with me. Stupid excuse, I know.

Ive been spending time reading the fandom, just trying to grow as a writer.

And its worked.

So now its been like a year since ive updated untouched. Am I going to finish it?

YES.

Expect it to be updated in less than a week.

I love my readers.

Be looking out for the update.

-G


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